Page 39 of Indiscretion: Reckless Sin
“I didn’t. I was trying to respect how she feels about him.”
“Dude, I get that but something’s gotta give. We need to know what’s going on.”
“I know what’s going on. We pushed her too hard, too fast,” Ezra interrupts, walking into the living room of our shared suite.
“That’s not it,” I argue, though what the fuck do I know? Maybe he’s right. “It can’t be.”
“Why else would she not take our calls and ignore our messages?” He counters, and he’s right. None of this makes any sense.
“I miss her.” It’s a statement so simple it’s sad. The truth behind it is heartbreaking though.
“Me too, brother,” Ezra replies.
“We all do,” Cyan agrees easily.
“Where are Nix and Rebs?” I ask, finally aware enough to notice their absence.
“They went back to her apartment to wait for her. Rebel is convinced that she can’t stay away too long because she’s too kind-hearted to let her plants die.”
I can’t help the laugh that escapes at that because it’s such a Rebel thing to say and also because under normal circumstances he’d be right. I just don’t know if we’re dealing with normal circumstances.
“He’s not wrong,” I say with a small shrug. “She does have an affinity for caring for all living things, plants included.”
The laughter dies in my throat when I think about how much she cares; about people, animals, the environment, music—just… everything. This isn’t like her. Sure, she’d up and left all those years ago when she was a kid and life was kicking her ass. She hadn’t even been in control then though. Ainsley James is far from helpless but I know her hands had been tied back then. There’s no way they are now. So what the hell is happening?
***
“Dex?”Ainsley’s voice sounds through my phone and I almost drop it in shock.“Are you there?”
“I’m here, baby. I’m right fucking here. Where are you?” I’m all but begging now and sound pathetic, yet there’s not a fuck to be given in my bones.
It’s the middle of the night and we’re three long ass weeks in with no word from Ainsley. I almost called in the help of one of my security guys. He was a police officer for years and still has connections. I was ready to use all of them. I’d have called SWAT or the god damn SEALs, the fucking FBI, CIA, the media, or even found whatever mafia runs this insane city.
It’s safe to say that I’m happy she’s called me before I made a public nuisance of myself. I would have without question. We’re already taking turns sleeping at her place on the off chance she ever shows back up. Why not top the list of crazy shit we’re willing to pull?
“Don’t worry about where I am right now. I’m safe. I’ve just been sort of… lost, I guess.”
“Lost? Lost where?”
“In my mind,”she chokes out and I can hear the sadness taking control of her.“That sounds so crazy when I say it out loud,”she hiccups. Her sadness is consuming me whole and all I want to do is fix it.
“No. It doesn’t. Not to me.”
“I was wrong, Dexter. I was so wrong about everything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Part of the reason I stayed away from you is because I was scared that loving you wouldn’t necessarily be enough to keep you or the others. I’ve always loved all of you and knew I could never choose between you and didn’t want to face a reality where I’d ruined all of your friendships over me. Ironic, right?”
“I’m still missing something, babe. Spell it out for me.”
“I’ve thought all these years that my dad cheated on my mom. I’ve hardly dated because I couldn’t see past it, thinking that no matter how much you loved someone, it didn’t matter in the end. I saw my mom almost die and thought it was because she loved my dad too much, while he’d fallen out of love with her,”she breathes choppily like the words are being forced to leave her mouth.“I hated him. For hurting her. For abandoning me. All this time, I’ve been so cruel to him and he did absolutely nothing to deserve it,”she sobs.“And I lost out on years with you guys because I was too stubborn to face it all. I was too scared.”
“Try and take a deep breath for me, babe.” When she listens to my instructions I breathe out a sigh of relief. “Will you please tell me where you are so I can come help you?”
“No,”she states stubbornly.
I’ve never been so frustrated in my entire life and she’s hurting so the last thing I want to do is lose my temper with her. I want to yell and scream and rage until she lets me come get her and be her comfort.
