I try to sort through the paperwork on my desk, but it’s no use. I can’t focus on anything right now. It’s better I leave this stuff for tomorrow. I don’t want to risk making a mistake.

As I’m leaving my office, my phone rings. It’s my mother, of course. I decide to answer. Why not? She’s already said the worst she can say.

“I’m sorry,” she says as soon as I answer. “That was uncalled for. I’m sure your reasons for breaking up are logical.”

“They are. I made a pretty big mistake. I don’t think Amber will forgive me.”

“There’s only one way to find out, Aaron. You have to talk to her.”

“Easier said than done.”

Mom laughs. “You’re right, but it’s worth it in the end. If you love this girl as much as I think you do, you’ll find a way to talk to her.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Aaron. Never hang up on me again.”

“I can’t make that promise.”

“Fine. Just make sure I deserve it. Talk to you tomorrow.”

Before I can respond, my mom hangs up. That’s how she gets me in these phone calls. Since I didn’t say no, it means I agreed to talk to her tomorrow. Now I can’t ignore her call.

Once again, I’m left to the silence of my house. I never used to mind how quiet it got in here. It’s only since meeting Amber that I hate the lack of noise.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have kids running around?

I can’t go down that rabbit hole. I head for the den and turn on the TV, but it’s the middle of the day. There’s nothing good to watch.

Sitting here doing nothing isn’t an option. I’ll drive myself insane.

Instead, I make my way down to the basement and set up a game of bowling. This is usually a good way to clear my head, and the sound of the ball hitting the lane is a lot better than silence.

I pick up the ball and roll it down the lane. It teeters to the left, only knocking down three pins.

I’m immediately reminded of my first date with Amber, when I took her down here for a game. She was terrible, but she seemed to love it. Amber didn’t judge me for loving the game, either. She’s far too good a person for that.

Amber is too good for me. I knew it from the moment I saw her at the convention. I let myself believe I could be worthy of her, and I fucked it up in the worst possible way.

I wish I’d never created the AJB serum. I wish I could have controlled my temper and hadn’t gotten so frustrated when AJB-8 didn’t work. I wish I hadn’t put my semen in the elixir. I wish I hadn’t given it to Amber.

I can wish these things all I want, but it won’t change anything. I did all of this. If I had a time machine, then maybe I could make things right, but time travel isn’t possible. I have to live with my poor decisions.

I throw another ball, and this time I manage a spare. But I can’t even get excited about it. I’m too focused on how messed up things are with Amber.

Should I call her? I pull out my phone and open our string of texts. The last message she sent me was I can’t wait to see you today! with a winking emoji.

If only Amber had known what our appointment was going to entail; she probably wouldn’t have come.

I type out a text and then delete it. I try again, but none of the words feel right. What I need to say can’t be texted. It can’t be done over the phone, either.

This is the kind of conversation we need to have in person. Too bad Amber hates my guts.

Not that I blame her. I’d hate me, too. I gave her a serum that contains my semen. If I’d just disclosed the secret ingredient in that first appointment, maybe things would be different now. She might have still run away screaming, but maybe she would’ve understood. She might have heard me out.

I need to make her hear me. I reset the alley and leave my game unfinished. Upstairs, I grab my coat, but I don’t put it on.

Amber is pissed at me right now. If I try to talk to her, she won’t let me in. I know her well enough to know that.

The talk needs to wait until she has had a chance to cool down.

Instead of running out the door, I make a plan.

26

Amber

I haven’t left my house in four days.

I planned on going to work on Tuesday, but I was too emotionally and physically drained to make it to the office. I worked from home Tuesday, and then again Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.