Page 106 of Guitars and Cages

He nodded. “Yeah, but I’ll still take my rolling cage in the rain or five below any day.”

I grinned, ’cause it wasn’t too pleasant an experience being out in crap weather, but I wasn’t gonna admit it. We had a blast playing laser tag and paintball, and it was awesome to discover that he was every bit as aggressive and competitive as my brothers. We taunted one another and traded insults, ending up pretty messy by the end of our last paintball battle. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so hard or had such a good time. It would have been perfect, except there were moments when I’d think about Gage and how much we’d loved playing paintball with my brothers, and I’d feel guilty about having so much fun after what had just happened.

I couldn’t be sure, but I thought Conner might have noticed when my moods would change, because those were the times I’d find him studying me like he was trying to figure out what to say. I’d force a grin and move us on to the next round or another game, but it was always there in the back of my head, this voice screaming at me that I didn’t deserve to be out here having so much fun—that it should have been me in that grave after all the things I’d done.

I was grateful when we stopped for pizza, both of us starving since we hadn’t had anything since lunch.

“So, what do you like on your pizza?” I asked as we stood in line.

“Olives and anchovies,” he said, and then burst out laughing when I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose at the very idea of putting that in my mouth. Still, I’d asked, so I turned to the waitress and started ordering a large olive-and-anchovy pizza while trying not to shudder. That just made Conner laugh more.

“What?”

“I was kidding,” he said, doubling over with even more laughter at how relieved I looked. It took a while for him to compose himself, and even then he was chuckling between words. “My favorite pizza is pineapple and ham.”

“Now that works,” I said happily. “Hawaiian pizza is good.”

He licked his lips, like he was salivating at the thought of it. “Oh yeah, I could eat nothing but that for days.”

I tore my eyes away from his tongue and ordered us a large Hawaiian and a couple of sodas, kicking myself all the way to the table for continuing to entertain thoughts about a guy who’d already made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t his type. The reminder was enough to get my head out of the gutter, and I sat at the nearest table and let my hair slide forward, hiding behind it as I remembered that day outside his apartment. Talk about putting a damper on the mood; that did the trick right there.

“This has been awesome,” he said as he sat down. “I was planning on sitting in my chair and staring at the TV until I passed out. This was a much better option.”

“You don’t get out and see much of the city when you’re not working, do you?”

He got quiet at that, and shrugged.

“It’s not so bad. You should try to see more; I’d bet you’d find plenty of stuff to take pictures of.”

“Yeah, maybe, I guess. I don’t know.”

“What? It’s not so bad of a city.”

“I’m sure it’s not. It kind of depresses me, is all. I have tried to go out and see stuff but, ech, I just end up going home and sitting there.”

“What’s so depressing about it?” I asked, my curiosity about him not allowing me to leave it alone.

He scowled, and there was a bitter, almost angry look in his eyes. “Let’s just say that it’s far more fun to be out with friends than it is to be out by yourself watching everyone else with people who actually give a shit about them.”

“I, uhh, guess,” I said with a shrug. I’d never had too many friends myself, just Gage and a few of Cole’s friends who didn’t mind when I tagged along behind him. I’d cared too much about spending time with the animals to ever have too much to do with other kids outside of football.

“Sorry, but I wasn’t as lucky as you, Asher. I didn’t grow up with a bunch of big brothers to hang out with. It was just me and Jace, and for as awesome as our relationship was when we were kids, there were still plenty of times when I felt left out because I wasn’t the friendly, outgoing twin.”

“Why not? You seem pretty friendly to me.”

He sighed and studied the tabletop. “I’m trying to be, and for some reason, despite all the bullshit, it’s easy to talk to you. With most people I kind of nod and say as few words as possible. I was fuckin’ shy as a kid, I mean really bad. I would have a panic attack in a room full of strangers, and forget about taking part in the school play or even getting up in front of the class to read a book report out loud. I couldn’t do it. I’d freak out and run out of the room—or worse, piss myself in front of the entire class.”

I cringed. I’d always hated getting called to the front of the class, not because I was scared of them, but because I had such a hard time reading or writing anything. Still, I’d never reacted as badly as him. “Damn.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you can imagine how well that went over. There were still a few kids willing to crack jokes about that even after we’d made it to high school. Needless to say, I didn’t hang out with very many people, especially once I found out that most of them only tolerated me being around because of Jace.”

“I know that feeling. I used to tag along behind Cole and his friends, but the only real friend I had of my own was Gage. There were people who came to see me jump my skateboard, there were people I raced dirt bikes against, and people I competed with at the junior rodeos, or played with on the football team, but otherwise, I was pretty much a loner, too. But I kind of liked it that way. I always got along better with animals than people.”

He chuckled bitterly. “Like I said, you were lucky. I never even had a pet growing up. My mother claimed she was allergic, though I think she just didn’t want the fur in the house.”

I studied him as he talked; the way his nose wrinkled when he mentioned his mother, crinkling that patch of freckles I was coming to love. “It sounds like you and her don’t get along too good.”

He groaned. “Picture the most stuck-up, domineering, vicious woman you have ever met in your life, multiply her by ten and you’d have my mother.”

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