Page 130 of Guitars and Cages

Her eyes widened. I took another step, she took a step down the ledge, and I growled, pissed that she was gonna play cat and mouse with me like this.

“When I’m gone, everything will get back to normal!”

“If you do this, Alexia, I swear to God, nothing will ever be normal again. Nothing has been right since Chase died; how the hell are you gonna add to that?”

“He’ll have you, and Rory, and Cole will come back and—”

“Fuck Cole!” I yelled, scaring the few pigeons that were left wandering around. “This isn’t gonna change shit with Cole because he still doesn’t know about me. He doesn’t know I’m bi. He’s not going to treat me any different than he’s treated you if he finds out, and he will find out, so you trying to play the part of the martyr is just gonna go to waste.”

“Asher...”

“No! You get down off that fuckin’ ledge right now, Alexia, or I’m coming up there with you, and then Morgan really will have a heart attack when he finds both of us splattered all over the street!”

I was yelling at her even as I was climbing up on the ledge, too. The coldness in my belly had spread through my chest, and I was scared—but not for me. I was scared for the little boy inside who might end up losing both his crazy, stupid aunt and his utterly insane uncle tonight. This was fucking insane. That little boy needed us. That kid was Chase’s son, and maybe we couldn’t ever make peace with losing our brother, but we could raise Rory to be what none of us could ever be.

Alexia scowled at me, hands on her hips. “Get down, Asher.”

“You first!”

“What the hell are you trying to prove?”

“That I love you and I refuse to lose you, you stubborn bitch!” I snarled. The wind was cold, and my heart was jack-hammering wildly in my chest. I needed to get her down off that ledge. I could not let this happen; no way could I let this happen to Morgan and Rory, there was no way they would get over losing Alexia. Letting out a slow, shuddering breath, I took a step. I was almost in range to grab her now.

“Listen to me, Alexia, please. You can’t do this. Think about Rory. That kid’s mom ditched him here with his father’s crazy family, and he’s counting on us to make things right for him. Chase is counting on us to make things right for him, I know it. Wherever he is, he is looking down on us, and I’m betting he’s ashamed right now. I think Mom would be, too. This isn’t the answer, Alexia; believe me, I know. We need to get down. We need to go in and make sure Rory is all right. We need to figure out what to do about Cole, not run from him. We need to fix this family, please.”

“And how the hell are we gonna do that?”

“I don’t know, but a friend once told me that I couldn’t fix anything if I wasn’t alive to try.”

Those words made her pause, so I took another step. I could reach out and grab her now, if I needed to, but I was hoping I wouldn’t need to. I felt sick and a bit dizzy. Don’t look down, I told myself, focusing on Alexia’s eyes. I had to get her down safely, no matter what. I couldn’t fail her. I couldn’t let her throw all her promise away.

“Do you know how proud I am of you, for having the guts to be yourself? For seeing what you wanted and going after it? I wish I was good enough at something that I could make a career out of it—but you, with your art, and now going back to school. You have a real chance to do amazing things. I envy you, Alexia. I will never have the guts to do half the things you do.”

“But what good is that if it costs me my brothers?”

“You have me, you’ll always have me. I’ll try to be enough to make up for Michael and Cole, I swear I will. I will be here more, to listen, to take care of Rory so you can get work done, and to hang out the way we used to. Just please, Alexia, get down off the ledge.”

She ducked her head; I could see she was crying again, and I almost couldn’t hear her words over the wind. “You were the one I always looked up to, not Cole, not even Chase or Michael. I always wished I had your way with horses, or your confidence when you got up on stage to play. I used to watch you jump on your skateboard and race those dirt bikes, and I wished I was as fearless as you.”

“I was never fearless.”

“Yeah, Asher, you were. I used to think nothing could ever touch you, and I wished I could be that way, because when you set your mind on doing something, you did it, even if it was hard.”

“That was then. Now I’m a coward, but if you’ll get down, maybe we can figure out how to be fearless together. I won’t get down off here until you do, Alexia; I can’t, I need you.”

“I need you, too, Asher.”

“Then get down.”

I don’t know what caught her attention, or why she suddenly turned to look over her left shoulder, but when she did she shifted her weight and slipped. Diving for her, I caught her wrist in time to be dragged over the edge, both of us slamming into the fire escape. A sharp pinging sound and a loud crack made the knot in my stomach get tighter; then we were wobbling, slipping, sliding, her hand in mine, her eyes wide and frightened, looking into mine as one side of the fire escape gave way.

Chapter Forty-Three

Fire burned through my shoulder and pain knifed into my side with an intensity that was making it difficult to breathe. All the while, I kept holding tight to Alexia’s hand as she struggled to catch hold of the precariously dangling fire escape that was barely holding us up. My knee felt like someone was taking a hammer to it, but I didn’t dare move it because the way my leg had gotten caught in the bars of the fire escape was the only thing that was keeping us from falling. If we fell, we were dead; the ground was too far, the distance making me want to hurl as it loomed below us. I clasped Alexia’s wrist with my other hand, trying to pull her up enough that she could reach one of the bars, but I didn’t have much leverage, hanging the way I was.

“Let go,” she said, looking up at me with frightened eyes.

“No way in hell,” I rasped, pain and the position we were in making it difficult to speak.

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