Page 133 of Guitars and Cages

“Each and every time you ran away, I had this tremendous fear that we’d get a call one night saying that your body was in a morgue and could we please come down and identify you. My other fear was that there would never be a call, and that we’d never hear from you again, never know what had happened to you. I am not going to judge you for the things you did to survive.”

He sighed, blowing out a long, shaky breath.

“What we are gonna talk about is pride and lies. The lies have to stop. If you do wrong, own up to it and we’ll work on making it right, together, as a family. And if there is something you need help with, dammit, boy, you need to not be afraid to come to me or Alexia or even Cole’s stubborn, bullheaded ass and ask. Family don’t survive if we don’t stick together.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, shivering.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I never would have asked you to fight if I’d had any inkling that you were paying that kind of price for those fights. I should have stopped you from fighting months ago, to tell the truth, but you’d been pulling away from me for so long that I’ve been afraid of doing anything to send you back out on the road.”

“I was keeping too many secrets from you. I was afraid that if I let you help me, if I came here to live, I wouldn’t be able to keep hiding them. It was always hard to keep things from you.”

He turned to look at Alexia then, tugging her closer. “No more secrets, either of you. No more hurting yourselves. If something is bothering you, we need to sit down and talk about it. There isn’t going to be any more cutting, or trying to jump off of things, or punching walls, or beating our heads against walls, or hiding pills in our backpacks.”

My eyes widened; Alexia looked away.

“For the record, I wasn’t snooping; they fell out of your bag when I went to move it off a table. I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing with those, but I expect you to flush them when we go back in.”

Alexia nodded, her cheeks flushing. “I... I will.”

“Good. Almost losing you two tonight, that is a feeling I do not ever want to feel again. You both are very much loved and very much needed and have a great deal to offer in this life, and if you’ll let me, I’d like to be there every step of the way, cheering you on or picking you back up as needed.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that, remembering all the ways he’d picked us up and cleaned our cuts and scrapes when we were kids. I hugged him and lay my head against his chest, feeling warm and loved when I felt his arms wrap around me.

“We need to go check on Rory,” Alexia said.

“Yes, and we need to call someone to come out and remove that section of the fire escape before someone down below gets an awfully big shock,” Morgan added.

“Morgan, I...can I... I wanna...” Stammering was never good, but I was having a hard time voicing what I wanted to say. He was patient, though, stroking my hair when he felt me tensing up, which helped me relax.

I tried again. “Can I move back here?”

Morgan nodded, giving me a smile. “I never wanted you to leave.”

“It’s just that, well, I have to hide so much living with Cole, and as much as I hope he can change, I don’t think he will. And I...it would be easier not to keep having to tell lies if I wasn’t living with someone I feel like I constantly have to lie to.”

“I know you love your brother, but you’re right, you need to be somewhere you can be yourself, Asher. And we’ve all missed the hell outta you, kid. I don’t think you realize how much you mean to all of us. Maybe that’s my fault; I should tell you more.”

“I’m glad you’re coming back here,” Alexia said, curling against me. The warmth of her pressed against my side reminded me of how many times I’d longed to curl up with her and talk until we fell asleep.

“So am I.”

“All right, let’s go check on the kid. He’s gotta be freaking out by now.”

Shakily, we all climbed back to our feet, bumping into one another as we tried to steady ourselves. I hissed in pain as I tried to stand, my knee protesting, but I could walk on it, and I was more concerned about Rory at the moment than I was about me. Rory was sitting on his bed, clutching my phone like a lifeline, his scared green eyes looking up at us as we walked in. He tore across the floor when he saw us, flinging himself at me. I caught him and hugged him tight.

“You okay, buddy?” I asked.

“I was scared. You were gone a long time.”

“I know, and I’m sorry you were scared. We won’t do it again.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. We all do.”

He hugged me tighter and gave me a kiss on the cheek before reaching for Alexia. I handed him over, feeling tired, sore, worn out, and half broken, my knee making every step a moment of agony. I limped over to the window and looked down, the view instantly making me uncomfortable. All those times when I had thought about ending it all, when I’d cut and bled and wanted to cut deeper, I’d never had the thoughts that I had today, when I was hanging from that fire escape, sure I was gonna die.

Those thoughts had been of all the things I wouldn’t get to do if I fell. Like teach Rory to ride, or kiss Conner, or go hiking in the Rockies, or tame another wild horse. I’d thought of the conversations Alexia and I would never have, the galleries and museums I’d never get to tag along to see, and the nights of shooting pool and darts that I’d miss out on if I was gone. I thought of my guitar and the songs I’d written but hidden away, playing cover music ’cause I was too chicken-shit to show anyone my original stuff.

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