Page 134 of Guitars and Cages

Dangling there with that ominous view of the sidewalk, the one thought that had gone through my head over and over was that I didn’t want to fall. I didn’t want to die. Maybe I would never play as good as I once did, but it would suck to never play again. I still hadn’t made it to the derby with Conner, and it had been forever since I’d lured Alexia into a paintball game. Morgan and I had never gotten around to building the custom bike we’d designed, and I wanted to be there to build a bike for Rory ’cause lord knows growing up with all of us he would eventually want one.

No, I was not anywhere near as ready to die as I’d thought myself to be, and for that I was grateful, ’cause now I could stop thinking about dying and focus on living my life. There were dreams and goals in front of me, and I had my family at my side. The road might be long, but at least now I felt like I had a chance of making it.

Turning, I looked back to see Rory hugging Morgan tight, and felt a warm feeling spread through my gut. I couldn’t help but grin because this, this was how family was supposed to be.

Chapter Forty-Four

Morgan wanted to go with me back to my apartment, probably ’cause he figured on having to play referee, but I insisted on going alone. Rory was still shaken up by the way Cole had yelled at him, and Alexia wasn’t in a good place after the incident on the ledge. I assured him I would be fine and that if I wasn’t I wouldn’t hesitate to give him a call. I was pretty sure things were gonna be ugly between me and Cole, and I hated thinking about all the things that were likely gonna be said. I did borrow Morgan’s car so I could move my things, not like I had much to move. When I got to the apartment, I sat outside in the car for a while, looking up at the window, wondering just how bad this was gonna go, especially after earlier. I was pretty sure he’d been drinking, too, which was never fun when he was pissed. Steeling myself for the inevitable, I got out of the car and went up to the apartment, balancing boxes as I walked up the steps and tossing them inside as soon as I opened the door. Cole was in the kitchen making a sandwich, a bottle of whiskey open by his left hand.

“Hey.”

“Where the fuck did you take off to?”

“The bar; I went to check on Rory and Alexia.”

“Don’t ever fucking say that bastard’s name to me again!”

My fists clenched, and for a minute all I wanted to do was hit him. “I’m moving out.”

He turned around, eyes flashing with fury. “What the hell do you mean you’re moving out? Where are you gonna go?”

“I’m moving back over the bar. That’s where Rory is, and he needs me right now. There’s a room at the end of the hall; it’ll be there for you if you ever decide you want it.”

“If you think I would ever live with that fucking freak, you are out of your—”

I had him by the throat, pinned to the counter, before either one of us knew what had happened. My side hurt, my hand hurt, and none of that was stopping me from squeezing tight; his eyes were wide with surprise even as he gasped for his next breath.

“Don’t you ever fucking call her another goddamned name again,” I snarled, gripping his throat tighter. “Your bullshit almost cost us her life tonight, and I’ll be damned if it happens again. You don’t get to choose the way any of us live, so hate us if you want, but stay away from us when you do it.”

I let go and he doubled over, gasping and coughing, rubbing his throat.

“What the fuck is your problem? I’ve never said shit to you,” he gasped.

“I’m bisexual,” I told him with a shrug, and man did it feel like a weight was lifted, even as his eyes widened. “So if you’re hating Alexia for wanting to be a woman, you might as well hate the hell out of me for liking to fuck guys.”

He frowned, confusion in his eyes. “What are you talking about, Asher? You like pussy as much as I do.”

“Yeah, I do, but I like dick, too. That’s kind of what being bisexual means.”

He shook his head, scowling at me. “That’s bullshit, you’re just fucked up in the head right now. You’ve never gone after guys.”

“Yeah, actually, I have. I was with Gage before I ran away. So there, okay? Go ahead, call me names, tell me you hate me, too.”

He kept on shaking his head at me, so I grabbed the boxes and headed to my room. I’d barely had time to throw some comics into one of the boxes before he was standing in the doorway.

“It was Alex, wasn’t it? He’s the one who did this shit to you. You’ve been around him too long, that’s all. That’s why I wanted him away from Rory; he’s gonna mess that kid up, too. It ain’t natural. We gotta keep you away from him, is all, and you’ll be back to normal in no time.”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to cry, ’cause I knew this was gonna get a lot worse, but I wanted to laugh, too, because it was so utterly fucking ridiculous for him to think being around Alexia was what caused me to be bisexual.

“It ain’t something you can catch, okay, so let me get my shit and I’ll be out of here.”

“No, you ain’t goin’ over there to live with them fucked-up bastards, they’re gonna mess you up more.”

“You’regonna mess me up more, Cole, goddammit. You and all your fucking hate, you’re just like Dad. Hate, hate, hate—how the hell did you fall in love in Mexico with all that hate you’ve got inside?”

I prolly shouldn’t have mentioned Mexico. He took a swing at me and I ducked, knowing if he’d connected he’d have knocked me on my ass.

“We’re all each other has,” I told him, desperately trying to reach him. “We’re family. Isn’t that more important than who takes who to bed?”

---