Page 135 of Guitars and Cages

“How the hell can you call us family? Look at the way Morgan stormed in here, screaming and hollering at me. Look at the way he’s kicked you out and ignored you. You and I don’t mean shit to him and you know it. All he cares about is Alex. That’s the only reason he wants you there, cause Alex wants you there. That’s all he kept yelling about, how Alex’s feelings were hurt because I didn’t want anything to do with him. What the hell is gonna happen when Alex don’t want you around anymore? It’ll be right back in the street with you!”

I tensed, ’cause all he was saying was what I’d been thinking for weeks. Morgan had sworn that wasn’t true, though, and Morgan had never lied to me. “Don’t start that shit, okay? There’s no reason to try and make this us against them. Morgan already told me he’d welcome you with open arms if you’d accept Alexia, or at least stop being cruel to her.”

“Ain’t gonna happen. There ain’t no way I can accept that.”

“Does that go for me, too?”

“If that’s the life you want, then get your shit and get the fuck outta here.”

“What I want is not to lose my brother. Dammit, Cole, I’m still me, and Alexia is still the same person she was when we were all growing up. Don’t throw us away.”

God, saying those words, remembering Alexia saying them to me, I understood what she must have felt when she was beating on my door, begging me not to cast her out of my life. Looking up into the cold, hard eyes of my older brother, I knew all the begging in the world wasn’t gonna change his mind. Swiping at my eyes, I started grabbing my things as quickly as I could, just shoving them into boxes.

But Cole couldn’t let it be that simple. “If you think I’m gonna let you bastards ruin Chase’s son, you’d better think again. Soon as I get that gym up and running I’m filing for custody, and you know I’ll get it, too. Not a damn judge in the world is gonna leave him with a fag and a freak.”

I lost it then, completely, whipping the glass ashtray I’d been holding at Cole’s head. He didn’t duck in time and staggered backward at the impact, blood dripping from the cut it had made over his eyebrow. No way in hell was I gonna let him ruin Rory with his hate and his booze and his womanizing. With a roar I tackled him to the floor, fists flying, the two of us trading punches and positions, neither getting the upper hand until I slammed a forearm across his face, breaking his nose.

“You ain’t ever gonna raise Rory, you hear me? Not ever. You’re a drunk—a narrow-minded, hate-filled, bigoted drunk—and I’ll find everyone who knows you if I need to, and drag them in to testify to that. You’re worse than the old man, ’cause you know you don’t have the time or the patience to raise a kid, and yet you’d still try to take him out of spite, you selfish bastard!”

I saw his hand move, but was too slow to avoid the shot with the eight ball he’d grabbed from off the floor. The blow dazed me enough that he could roll us over, and I pulled my hands up, trying to protect myself. He was breathing hard, but he didn’t throw any punches.

“Dammit, Asher, you’re the last person I wanted to fight.”

“Do you think I wanted to fight you, Cole? You’re my big brother. I love you. I’ve been trying all this time to keep you from finding out about me ’cause I didn’t wanna lose you. Please, man, don’t do this. We’re brothers, I need you.”

He let out a long, shaky groan and hung his head. He was still pinning me down and I wasn’t about to do anything to provoke more violence.

“You, maybe I could deal with. I mean, in time. It’s not like anyone can tell, anyway. I don’t like it, I don’t like the thought of my brother being with guys, but I could maybe not let it bother me so much. But Alex and what he did—I just—there’s no way, Asher. I can’t even look at him without being disgusted. It isn’t natural. He’s a guy, no matter what he’s calling himself or what he’s had added on; he’s a guy and I can’t see him any other way. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too, Cole, ’cause I love you both, but when it comes down to it, I’m needed at the bar far more than I’m needed here.”

“That’s what you call not taking sides? You better check the definition one more time.”

God, I was so tired of this bullshit. My whole body hurt, I felt like I was running on autopilot, and I was pretty sure I was all outta fight.

“Please, Cole, think about it. Think about Rory. That little boy lost his dad and now his mom has ditched him, and all he has left in the world is us. Do you really want to take another person away from him?”

He opened his mouth to say something, but I waved him off.

“Think about how scared we used to be, when the old man would get blitzed and throw a shit fit and start screaming. That’s what you did tonight, Cole. You scared him and you made him think you hated him.”

“Bullshit!”

I slammed my hand down on the floor. Too hard, really; that hurt. “Not bullshit! I found him sitting on the stairs in tears, and that’s exactly what he asked. What did he do wrong, and did you hate him now? You’re not supposed to yell at kids like that. You’re not supposed to scare them.”

“I didn’t mean to scare the kid, I just don’t want him to turn out like Alex.”

“He’s too young to understand the difference right now, and even if he did turn out to be like Alexia, is that so bad? She’s the only one of us who’s trying to make anything of her life. Look at us, man...”

I was crying. I wasn’t sure when the tears had started, but I couldn’t seem to make them stop.

“All I ever wanted to do was have my own ranch, raise horses, do some hunting, some fishing, trapping, live off the land, explore the hills, play my guitar around the bonfire and Friday and Saturday nights at the bar in town. I never wanted a ton of money, I never wanted fame. I just—those were the things I loved, and that was the way I wanted to live my life. Can you say you wanted to live a life of fighting all the time, drinking all the time, being angry and being alone?”

He hung his head, and at least then I knew I had gotten to him, even if only a little bit. His voice was low when he spoke. “No, that wasn’t the way I wanted my life to go.”

“Then change it. That’s what I wanna do. I know I can’t ever go back to that ranch and those dreams, but I have a job I love now, and all those things we learned growing up we can pass on to Rory. We can take him to the woods and teach him to pitch a tent, to cook over an open fire, to hunt and skin his prey, to track and learn the patience it takes to outsmart the critters. We can teach him to build bikes, and fix cars, and swim and catch catfish with his hands. We can teach him to be better than us, Cole, isn’t that more important than fighting with one another?”

He got off me, but when I tried to sit up all I could do was groan in pain and roll onto my side. I felt his hand on my shoulder and his other one tugging at the bottom of my shirt, and that shocked the hell outta me.

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