Page 88 of Guitars and Cages

“I never meant for him to find out,” I said, still hiding behind that heavy burgundy wall of hair, using it like a shield. “I messed up and took my shirt off when I shouldn’t have. It was hot, and we were fixing a section of fence that had gotten damaged when that old oak fell on it. Took us so long to cut up the tree and move the pieces that it was hot as hell out there, and the next thing I knew he was grabbing my arm and pointing to my side, asking how I got the burns. I tried to lie, but I never could lie to him; he could always tell. I made him promise not to say anything.”

“And he kept that promise until he had no choice left but to break it, but he should never have had to make it at all.”

“I know.”

“Do you? Are you sure you do? For years now I’ve watched my son retreat deeper and deeper into himself, become less the man he always talked about being and more of a shell. Seen his anger grow to a scary thing sometimes, especially when another year rolled by without any word. When your brother passed away, it was all I could do to keep him from confronting you at the cemetery. I begged him to wait for you to come to him; after all, you were so close, just a few miles away, and yet you slunk back out of town without a word, like a thief in the night, leaving him with all that anger and pain and confusion to keep working through on his own.”

Being reminded of my brother’s death made me want to shut down more. I rubbed Gage’s hand and tried not to picture Chase lying in his coffin. “I’m sorry...but there’s nothing I could have said to him then. I just, I had to get as far away from that graveyard as I could get.”

Gage’s old man was studying me, his gaze sharp and piercing. “Yes, of course you did, because you’ve made a career out of running, now, haven’t you, Asher? That’s not the kind of man I ever imagined you’d grow up to be.”

I turned my eyes away, muttering, “People change.”

“Not so much that they lose themselves completely. Who you were is still in there, somewhere, buried under all that mess you’ve gotten yourself into. We all figured you’d come back home when you found out your old man was put away for good, thought it was only a matter of time before one of those brothers of yours let you know. So we waited. Then we found out you knew, that you’d known for some time, and still nothing. You coming here now, that means more to me than I can ever say.”

“I never meant to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt anyone, not even you, Eve. I used you, I know, but I wasn’t thinking about what would happen in the long run—hell, when I started I never even expected you to fall for me. I was trash and everyone knew it; this whole town looked at my family and that’s what they saw. I can’t say they were wrong, either.”

“The easiest way to change that would have been to prove them wrong, not go out of your way to show them how right they were,” Eve said. “They don’t look at our son as trash, and yes, they know he’s yours. I wasn’t gonna lie and hide it, even if you never wanted to admit the truth.”

“I know I’m a coward, okay? It was easier to run than to face either of you. I never outran what I did, though, and I’ve never forgotten. If it wasn’t for Conner I wouldn’t even be here now; I never could have made this trip back on my own. I was still too scared of facing you all, and hell, I figured you’d toss me outta here anyway.”

“A part of me wishes I could. A part of me wishes I could go back in time and be that parent that told their son to stay as far away from you as he could, but can’t none of us change the past.”

“Yeah. I know. I would, though, if I could. I shouldn’t have ever come back after the first time I ran, if I’d have stayed away, we never would have become, we’d never have...” I couldn’t even do it now, couldn’t say it.

“Lovers,” his father finished for me, and I blushed. “Have you never once wondered why the things your father said about Gage didn’t shock me?”

I scowled, trying to think back to that day. “No.”

“Maybe you should have thought about it. Gage is my only child and we’re close, close enough that I already knew about the relationship you two were having. He’d come out to me years before, and I’d warned him then to be careful.”

My eyes went wide; I couldn’t believe he’d known back then. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you stop us from being together?”

“Because he was my son and I loved him, and he loved you, you stubborn little jackass. I figured if I got in the way all that would end up happening would be him taking off with you the next time you decided to run away.”

“I asked him to,” I admitted. “I wanted him with me. I thought if we went away where no one knew us then I wouldn’t have to keep hiding what we were, and he wouldn’t keep getting mad at me for hiding.”

“Weren’t neither of you boys meant to live in no damned city!”

“I...”

“Asher?”

The voice was weak, hesitant, but it cut through everything. I jerked my head up to stare into his one searching blue eye. “Yeah, it’s me, I’m here.”

“Bastard...what...took you...so...damn...long?”

I hung my head at that, and let my hair slide over my face again.

“Don’t... I wanna...see you...fucker...been waiting...but you...so fucking stubborn.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I should have come back home. I’m sorry for everything, for what I did, for what happened with my old man, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I should have taken that beating, not you, you didn’t deserve that, all you ever tried to do was be my friend.”

“Loved...you.”

“I loved you, too, even if I was too big of a coward to show it.”

“Stay...okay... Asher...please...stay?” he muttered, even as his eyes drifted closed again.

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