Page 90 of Guitars and Cages

“I came here for Gage, Eve, not to have a conversation with you about the kid.”

“Yeah, well, seeing as how this is likely the only chance I’ll get to have a conversation with you about our son, I’d appreciate it if you would give me a few minutes of your precious time and listen.”

“Fine, whatever.”

“God, I fucking hate you.”

“Believe me, I know that. Now, what the hell do you want?”

“How about a phone call once or twice a year? You know, Christmas, birthday—you could manage that, couldn’t you?”

“I don’t have any reason to call you.”

“Not me, you ass, our son!”

“He’s your son, Eve, not mine.”

“You helped make him; that makes him yours, too.”

“Instead of blowing up my phone all the damned time, why don’t you go out and get the kid a real father, someone who’s gonna toss a ball around with him and teach him to ride a bike and shit like that?”

“That won’t change the fact that you’re his father.”

“Maybe it won’t, but it would give the kid a father worth having. That’s better than nothing.”

“For your information, Asher, he does have someone in his life who taught him to ride a bike and a horse, someone who coaches his Pee Wee football games and teaches him how to rope. When Gage found out I was pregnant, he started showing up at my door, asking if he could help me with anything, watching out for me. He was there in the delivery room the night our son was born. I guess we were united in missing you, and in being furious with you for never even contacting us and telling us you were still alive. If not for Kimber we both would have given you up for dead. Gage has been like a father to our son ever since, and before you ask, it’s not because he felt anything for me, it’s because he loved you and our son was the only link to you he had.”

“After what I did, I figured he hated me. No apology could ever make up for that, so I didn’t see a point in coming back.”

“Coward,” she spat.

Like I was gonna deny it. “Yeah, I am.”

“What about coming back to see your son? What about that, Asher? Have you ever even had a single thought about him?”

The look I gave her was hard and cold. I could see in her eyes how shocked she was to see me look at her that way.

“The last thing that kid of yours needs is someone like me for a father. Trust me when I tell you, he is better off without me in his life. The things I’ve done would make you sick, Eve, so be thankful I’ve never had anything to do with that kid.”

“And yet you’re taking care of Rory. Kimber told me when she left she was taking him to you, since you were the only one who ever bothered to answer your phone. Do you know how that made me feel, to know you would answer the phone for her, but not for me?”

“Do you think I wanted to take care of him? Hell, Eve, I’m damn lucky I didn’t screw that kid up for life while I was trying to watch out for him. Morgan has him now, and that’s the best place he could be. I drink too much, I screw too much, I fight too much, and I lie too much; that ain’t the kind of environment for a kid.”

“All of those sound like choices to me, choices you could unmake as easily as you’ve made them.”

“That simple, huh? You don’t know shit, little girl. You’ve never been outside of this town; you don’t know shit about the world.”

“Oh, don’t give me that crap, Asher. Life is what you make of it, whether it’s in this town or outside of it. You don’t want to know your son, then fine, but at least admit it. Don’t try to make up excuses as to why it’s best for him that he doesn’t know you.”

I said nothing, just glanced at Conner, hating that he had to hear this conversation. The Jell-O was lime; I liked lime, but I ate it fast so I could hurry up and get done.

“So that’s it then. Silence.”

“I don’t know what to say, Eve.”

“The truth, please. For once, Asher, speak the truth.”

I laid my spoon down with a sigh. “The truth is, being around kids scares the hell outta me. I’m afraid I’ll fuck up, and I don’t wanna do that. I’m not father material, Eve. I don’t know how to talk to kids, I don’t know how to relate to kids, and I don’t always remember to censor myself around kids, which is why Rory has picked up some words that are likely to get my mouth washed out with soap when Kimber comes back. I am not a good influence and I don’t have much patience. I’m...not the kind of person who should ever be around a child.”

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