Page 91 of Guitars and Cages

“You’re not your old man, Asher, if that’s what you think. If you had been cruel, I never would have fallen in love with you.”

“I was cruel. I used you to keep people from finding out about me and Gage.”

“You lied to me and toyed with my emotions, yes, but you never yelled at me, you never hit me, and you never degraded me. Hell, you might not acknowledge our son, but you also never tried to imply that I was a whore when I told you I was pregnant.”

“I know you weren’t cheating, Eve. I might be an asshole, but I know the kid is mine. I just think the best thing I can do for him is to stay the hell outta his life. I wish like hell my old man had stayed out of mine. I’m glad Gage has been there for him, though, like Morgan used to come around and spend time with me and my brothers. I’m sure he’s good for the kid. Where, uhh, where is the kid, anyway?”

“His name is Shawn, and a neighbor is watching him. I didn’t want him here if—well, he’s too young to understand.”

I nodded, filing that away.

She sighed. “He’s too young to lose the only father figure he’s ever known.”

I didn’t say anything to that. There was nothing I could say; didn’t any of us want to lose Gage.

“It’s been a hard couple years, Asher. First the wreck that killed my parents, then your brother’s accident, then Gage’s mom. Kimber and I had gotten close since Shawn was born—she’s been like a big sister to me—and Shawn and Rory were as close as two cousins could be. I wish she hadn’t decided to leave, but I think she had to, for what she said they were offering to pay.”

“I didn’t know about your parents. I’m sorry.”

“No, I guess you wouldn’t have wanted to keep up on what was happening back here. Out of sight, out of mind and all.”

“You guys were never out of my mind. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about what I did, and why I ran, and hated myself for it.”

She studied my face intently.

“I wish I could believe that, Asher; it would make it easier not to hate you.”

“It’s fine that you hate me, Eve. I deserve it.”

“It isn’t fine. Do you know how hard it is to hate the father of my wonderful, beautiful, talented little boy? I look at him, his grace on the back of a horse, his smile, the way his eyes flash when he’s being stubborn and angry, and I see you, and, God, it’s like a knife twisting in my belly sometimes. I have never, for one second, regretted having that little boy; he is my whole world, but I wish he had a father that gave a damn and was as interested in him as I am.”

I hung my head. I got it, I did. I heard what she was trying to say. It was just hard to picture me fitting into some kid’s life, enjoying spending time with him and doing all the stuff that dads were supposed to do. I did have fun with Rory, but it was in a big brother/little brother sort of way, not as a parent who was supposed to have a clue what to do. “Look, Eve, I couldn’t even defrost meat in the microwave before Rory came to visit, let alone cook a meal without burning it.”

Conner snickered, and I glanced over to see him with a napkin pressed to his mouth, trying hard not to let me see him laughing at me. Even Eve looked like she wanted to laugh. I huffed and finished my juice.

“You should eat more,” Conner suggested, noticing my tray.

I shook my head; being at the hospital only added to my stomach’s unease.

“Fine, for dinner then. I’m serious, Asher, I want to see you eat solid food at some point today.”

“I will, just not right now.”

Eve looked between us, a quizzical expression on her face. I didn’t want any more questions, especially not from her. Too bad for me, she asked anyway.

“How long have you been together?”

“We’re not. We’re friends, Eve, just friends.”

“Like you were friends with Gage?” She looked at Conner then and shook her head, almost sadly. “He’s never gonna change, you know. I think you deserve to be warned. You seem like a nice guy; funny how he seems to have a thing for nice people. Maybe it’s how nice they are that makes it so easy for him to use them. Either way, if he still can’t admit it after everything that’s happened, then he never will.”

“For the love of God, Eve, I ain’t lying! Conner is my friend, not my—” I couldn’t help it; it was too ingrained in me. I lowered my voice to an even lower whisper, “—boyfriend, okay? I haven’t dated anyone since I left here.”

She laughed when I lowered my voice, and cut Conner a look as if to say “see?” but when I told her I hadn’t dated anyone since I’d left, her entire expression changed.

“Like I’m supposed to believe you haven’t been with anyone in all that time, Asher. Come on, give me a break. I’m not that not stupid.”

“I didn’t say I hadn’t been with other people; I said I haven’t dated. There’s a difference between a cheap fuck and a date.”

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