Page 96 of Forever Fallen

She was having flashes of her and Ryan together, making love, and touching each other… and it felt like such a bitter acid to her soul, knowing that something so beautiful between them had ultimately failed.

“Nooo… please God, no…” she cried out, dragging in her breath as tears rolled down her cheeks. “No, please no. I need this to get through this year… please stop…”

Only it didn’t stop.

An hour later, she was still crying and sitting at the kitchen table in shock, holding her coffee cup in both hands. It was hitting her, and she was realizing now that she was well and truly alone – with almost eleven months to go.

How did other people deal with this?

* * *

Ryan,

I’m so heartbroken right now… I’m not pregnant.

I’m sitting here, just devastated, and trying desperately not to cry. My period came this morning, and I was praying so hard that we would have a little one to bring us closer together as time passed.

I wanted to share those moments with you, tell you what was happening, and it would help keep me occupied… this was not what I wanted or expected.

I’m so sorry to let you down.

Love,

Sophie

* * *

Honey–

You are NEVER letting me down! I’m so sorry there isn’t a baby yet, but that’s okay. It just means that it’s not our turn yet – and we get to keep practicing at baby-making!

No need to twist my arm there…

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not wanting you to go through labor alone. I would like to be there with you when our child is born and if you were pregnant? Then I would be trapped here until our baby is a few months old.

Everything happens for a reason and while it’s hard? This might be for the best – you know? Our time will come – and when it does? It will be beautiful.

A baby will only increase our commitment to each other – but it can cause other stresses, too. I might miss out on special moments (and know that will happen already) like when our child rolls over, etc.

Share other moments of your life and what is happening for you, just so I feel connected to you – and I’ll do the same. In fact, I mailed you a little something from here that I saw at the exchange on base.

I think about you all the time and picture your smile.

My favorite memory is us sitting on the porch together in the evenings… or how you looked at me when we married a second time. I adore those spaghetti straps and they make my brain melt into my shoes.

You’re going to think I’m weird or turning into some girlish guy… but do you think the bath would hold the two of us? I dream of washing your back with that vanilla stuff… it seriously makes me weak at the knees!

13B + 13A = soulmates forever

I love you,

Ryan

* * *

Hey Husband…

Two months under our belt, Ryan… still going strong!

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