Page 92 of Forever Fickle

He believed in the promise, the sanctity of marriage, and wanted to pledge himself to her as unblemished as possible. He wasn’t innocent by any means and regretted the one time he’d slept with a girl, feeling almost cheapened by the incident. He’d spoken with his pastor, talked with his father, and those conversations had been everything.

Those words rang in his ears as the temptation to climb back into bed was nearly overwhelming.

“I would never bring another person’s memory with me into our marriage bed, nor would I dishonor your mother by doing so, Jace. When you love someone, you respect them. A fleeting moment of lust isn’t worth ruining something so beautiful as the bond you have with the person you love,” his father had once told him, hugging him, as he’d felt sick to his stomach,dirty, at having used the girl to slake his urges.

“You must find peace with God, honor Him and your future wife, by being strong and putting her in a place above all others. If you love God with every fiber of your soul, then you must wait and share your being with your wife.”

His pastor had said the same.

That single stolen moment had been so embarrassing, made him feel so dirty, that Jace had never been tempted again… until now.

He wanted to love someone with every fiber of his being, showing the person he loved and trusted, and getting to know his bride physically as well as mentally and spiritually.

He had never met that special someone… until Karen.

Drunken stolen kisses had made him feel filthy, and they’d happened during weak moments, but he’d pushed them aside. He indulged in alcohol to avoid pursuing that carnal knowledge… until even being drunk had made him feel ashamed.

It had been almost a year since he’d been drug out of a bar, looking to drown out the loneliness. Now, since meeting Karen, he couldn’t imagine any of it.

He wanted those quiet moments they shared, the stolen kisses, the solitude of peace. He loved that Sunday at church with her, their cups of coffee together, breakfast on Saturday at Mimi’s… and every smile in between.

Yes, he saw the future in her eyes… as corny as it sounded. He could see a home with her, a family, and for the first time in his life?

He could see himself growing old with someone.

Glancing back at the bed, he stood at her door and smiled at her lying there, sound asleep. He could see those dark brown curls fading to white, laugh lines at her eyes, and he could truthfully see that outer beauty fading… but the inner glow would always be there.

He could see himself right beside her, holding her hand, no matter what the shell looked like, because he could see her true soul.

“I love you…” he breathed openly, feeling his eyes sting with overwhelming emotion and gratitude for this gift that had come into his life unexpectedly. “… And I always will.”

Jace opened the doorway silently, closing it behind him. As he turned, he came face to face with his grinning sister.

He cursed.

“Hey-a, big brother…” Jana breathed, smiling. “Whatcha doing?”

“Shut up,” he growled.

“How’s Karen?”

“Jana…” he warned protectively. “Do not say a word.”

“Oh, I’m not, Gingerbread man,” she laughed. “Tell me she’s dressed like that too?”

“No – and go away,” he muttered, feeling irate. “Why are you even up already?”

“See, funny thing…” Jana whispered, leaning on the door frame and crossing her arms over her chest as she stood there in a Minions nightgown, ruffled at the hem that barely ended at her ankles.

“I was going to tell my brother how happy I was for him, how much I like Karen, only to see that he wasn’t sleeping in his bed…” she paused dramatically. “Can you imagine my surprise?”

“Don’t say anything to Mom and Dad,” Jace warned. “We didn’t do anything.”

“Really?” she said skeptically, one eyebrow lifting. “Is that how she got you to propose marriage? Is she holding out on you?”

Jace laid his hand over his sister’s mouth, glowering at her surprised expression – just before she bit his hand… hard.

“I respect Karen – and you need to watch your mouth about my soon-to-be wife,” Jace hissed. “And that hurt!”

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