Page 88 of Forever Fascinating

“Text me the last photos and let’s start looking forward to our next meeting, okay? It’s going to be alright… remember that,” he urged, taking her hand and kissing the little silicone ring.

It was almost as if he was trying to tell himself that too – so he didn’t break down until she was out of sight.

“Darn straight,” she whispered tearfully. “I’ll text you the photos as soon as I’m seated and buckled. Will you email me when you get back to Ghazni?”

“You know I will,” he replied. “Let me know when you get home safely, too.”

“I will,” she promised, taking his hand, and placing a kiss on the ring like he’d done – just before kissing him one last time.

Oh gosh… the last time?Matthew thought painfully, feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces as he realized she was going to be away from him for weeks or months.

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips, kissing her with everything he felt in that moment, before forcibly pulling himself from Jana knowing that she was going to miss her flight if he continued to cling to her.

No, he had to be strong… for her.

“I love you, too,” she said tearfully, holding up a hand, kissing her fingertips, and blowing it towards him. He pretended to catch it, not caring who was watching, and laid his hand over his heart.

… And then she was gone.

He choked back a panicked sob and moved towards the glass overlooking the plane, as if just seeing it there would help some of the crippling terror in him. Jana was leaving, going back to her life, her world, and he was stuck existing without her.

His phone dinged and he opened the screen, expecting to see the photo of them in their souvenir shirts… but instead, it was a photo of her.

She was seated on the plane, holding up her ring, and smiling. The text message underneath the photograph was telling.

Moments that feel like this, are why we have these things, Flyboy. When it hurts, you’re scared, or you just wish I was beside you… look at our cheesy rings and know that I love you with everything I am.

See you in Iceland, Vapor! XOXO

He almost collapsed in a chair, crying as his heart was breaking, but somehow managed to hold it back. He hit reply, held up his hand, kissed the ring and took a picture of him just like that, sending it to her.

You are everything to me… and someday these bands will be golden, I can promise you that, Jana Sorensen. I love you with everything I am and always will.

See you in Iceland, darling!

* * *

Forty minutes later,he was boarding his own flight, returning to the barren world he knew and feeling like his entire life was paused until he could see Jana once again.

Closing his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t get emotional or start crying, he tried desperately to hold it all back.

He needed to find that quiet place he used to run to mentally as a boy when he felt scared, alone, or abandoned and was struggling… because he knew this wasn’t something either of them wanted.

His father had left them, never looking back… and his mother worked herself to the bone, trying to keep food on the table and clothes on his back.

He knew better now that she wasn’t abandoning him, but rather trying to take care of him the only way she knew how. As a young boy, he didn’t understand it and his stepfather was the one who’d taught him a valuable lesson.

Think, process, and learn the ‘why’ behind it all.

If Sam was here, sitting beside him on the plane, he would have patted him on the knee and told him what he desperately needed to hear.

“What did you expect, boy? That she would leave her world behind and follow you into a warzone? No, you wouldn’t want her in danger. She needs to go home, live her life, and you need to work at being a part of it. It’s as simple as that. She’s your home and you are fighting to protect it, protect her, and the freedoms that we enjoy – so suck it up, get back at it, and just look forward to seeing her again… because you will, Matthew. She’ll be waiting for you.”

He drew in a ragged breath, pulling out the plastic bag that held Jana’s t-shirt and breathed in her scent, before closing it back.

Matthew was planning on tucking that under his pillow like Reaper did with that goofy beanbag his wife had sent him.

He needed the connection and imagined what the other man had felt like receiving his package… after having left her in Texas. He couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to not see her for a year.

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