Page 21 of The Christmas Blueprint

He winced. Guilty as charged. He’d let Enrique down. And even though Enrique had brothers who lived in and around Bear Creek, and Sophia had family and Riley and so many other friends, he should have checked in. But he hadn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he said simply.

“Why?” She tilted her head.

He scratched his jaw and looked across the reedy bank of the creek. It was wider here along the city park, flowing more gently and shallower so that in the late spring, summer, and early fall, families could picnic, and kids could play and swim safely. There was a kayak and paddleboard rental facility, and kids would bring inflatables.

“I’m not sure how to answer that,” he said honestly.

“Why not?” Only curiosity colored her tone. Her expression was open, her gaze interested.

“I—” He spread out his hands. “You’re much stronger than I am,” he admitted.

That was not what he’d planned to come out of his mouth, and by Sophia’s startled expression, she’d definitely hadn’t expected it either.

“How so, Killian?” she asked after an awkward pause. She stepped closer to him, her hand on his forearm.

He closed his eyes and savored her touch as much as he dreaded it. So many feelings twisted inside of him that he’d felt like he’d swallowed a knotted rope.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he admitted looking into her dark caramel gaze.

“Start anywhere.”

“The way you talk about Enrique rattles me,” he began, which was not how he meant to start at all. She flinched. “See, I’m explaining this badly, Soph. I know you loved him, and he adored you,” He bent over and sucked in a breath like he was winded after a long run. “God, he adored you. Crazy in love. I was envious of that, a little, his happiness, and then he was gone. So fast.”

He straightened and stared over the creek. “I’m struggling to…to everything. I handled it better when my mom died,” he said. “I could compartmentalize. Do what I needed to do. School. Football. Take care of Riles and keep my brothers in line because my dad just checked out.”

“I remember,” Sophia said, her voice soft and musical.

“My aunt took over. And I just autopiloted my life, getting degree after degree. Enrique asked me—” No he wasn’t ready to share that yet. Likely never. “But I haven’t found a new balance yet,” he admitted. “Not like you. You seem so vibrant—moving on with your life.”

“Do you think I should stop living?” she demanded angrily.

Put like that, he sounded like the biggest judgmental ass, and he probably was, but that was not at all what he’d meant. “No. You’re brilliant. Strong. I wish I could be like you is what I mean,” he said, suddenly so desperate to get the words out he’d never said. To explain. “You talk about Enrique being gone so naturally.”

Sophia’s expression was a fascinating blend of anger, confusion, and sympathy before it settled on understanding.

He braced himself for her reply but instead, there on the path that meandered for a couple of miles along Bear Creek before running into a bigger bike trail, Sophia stepped forward and hugged him tightly as if without her support, his body would shatter, scattering the fragments so that they’d spin away in the chilly breeze.

She’d hugged him last night, and he’d had the hardest time letting her go. This morning, her body was as warm and comforting as he remembered. Slim but strong. She smelled like coffee and something sweet and spicy—delicious like how her shop had smelled this morning. Hundreds of times he’d dreamed of holding Sophia, but he’d always tried to shut down those fantasies.

Today he let himself be weak and savor her touch. He let his arms wrap around her, and he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to fight the unexpected tears pricking his eyes.

“Killian,” she whispered, and her voice went through him like a shaft of light.

For so long he felt like he’d been dodging everything. He had no right to Sophia’s warmth and light. He was leaving in a year. Bear Creek was not for him. Too many memories. Too many expectations.

He released her, but she still held on to him, pinning him, chest to chest, thighs to thighs. He’d never been with a woman so tall or this important to him, and his imagination hopped around wildly tossing images at him, which he should be a gentleman and shut down. The expression in her eyes stole his breath, but he didn’t dare name it.

He forced a smile and gently caught a few wisps of her hair that had pulled out of her intricate braid and framed her face. Midnight silk. So beautiful. He’d dreamed of playing with her hair, of feeling her hair fall around his body. Inadvertently his gaze fastened on her mouth. Sophia had had tempting red pillow lips forever. When she’d been a kid, her mouth had been too big for her face, and he remembered her crying with Riley once because kids called her frog.

Idiots.

Now she was as far removed from an amphibian as a woman could get, and all he could think about was how kissing her would make him feel like a prince. But he didn’t deserve her.

“No,” he croaked out.

Her plump lips parted, her velvet-soft gaze looked confused, and he nearly groaned at the temptation, but he had to be strong. He was here for Hunter. For Harlow. And his career, such as it was. He had life plans that didn’t include Bear Creek, and Sophia and her entire life, dreams, and future were bound to this town.

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