Page 18 of Had To Be You

“Alright little buddy, show me what you got! You comin’, Ells?” Liam asks me, peering over his shoulder with a gorgeous smile, the dimple in his cheek on full display. He takes it one step further, following his question up with a wink. I feel my heart skip a beat.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” I shoot him a wink back, following the sexiest man I’ve ever seen as he clasps a hand on the shoulder of the cutest little guy at his side. My ovaries might not survive the sight.

The next half an hour is spent sitting in the grass under the sun watching the two of them throw a ball. My heart beats a little faster watching Liam help Kip with his windup with incredible patience, and another one when I see Kip practically bursting at the seams with happiness. Dammit, if the sight of Liam helping this towheaded little boy with his fastball isn’t the hottest thing I’ve seen in my life. He’s more gorgeous than anyone has a right to be.

Not only is he ridiculously handsome - not to mention unbelievable with his tongue - but he has this softer side that I had no idea existed. Up until now I had been convinced that Liam was incapable of any real emotion besides being surly. Watching him high five Kip after he throws a near perfect pitch, I realize I may have gotten him all wrong. After this afternoon, Liam has a few more ticks in the pro column of my why-is-Liam-such-a-moody-jerk list than he did yesterday.

“You’re a natural! You’ve definitely been practising,” Liam calls to Kip, hyping him up.

“You noticed, Liam? Because it’s true. I listen real good to what you tell me.”

“How could I not? Your arm is killer. Keep up the practising, big guy.”

Butterflies flutter wildly in my belly, but I do my best to calm them. I don’t want to overthink this. I don’t want to start envisioning a future with Liam that doesn’t exist. I will not repeat the mistakes I made when I was young and stupid and reckless. As the boys continue tossing the ball back and forth, my thoughts drift to six years ago, to the tangled mess I got myself into back then.

I could never have predicted the way my life would unravel in the months after my parents left. Maybe I thought I’d be okay, that I had the smarts and the strength I needed to navigate life on my own. Boy, was I wrong. It felt like everything changed overnight. My parents were gone, Olivia was busy dealing with her own problems. There were no siblings or grandparents to lean on. I still remember how lost and alone I felt, how desperate I was for affection, for someone to love me. A familiar weight settles on my shoulders, the same one I feel whenever I think back to that time in my life, and to the damage I’ve yet to repair.

Kip hollers my name and I’m thankful for the interruption, for any excuse to push those memories from my mind.

“Ellie, last one and it’s going to be my very best! Watch this.”

“Watching, little dude,” I say.

Liam crouches down to the ground, readying his glove to catch what turns out to be Kip’s very best throw of the day. I stand up with my arms in the air, giving him a fist pump. “You are ready for the big leagues! Better start practising your autograph for when you turn pro!” I say, giving him my own giant high five. Liam is next in line, scooping Kip up off the ground and onto his shoulders. My heart swells and for a second I forget about all the reasons I shouldn’t let him get too close.

When the excitement subsides, Kip says a reluctant goodbye. “I better get home. Thanks, Liam. It was nice to meet you, Ellie. I hope I get to see you again soon.” Liam pulls him in for a side hug, then Kip runs to me and wraps his arms around my waist before leaving.

“He’s the cutest. You are really good with kids,” I say, rocking back and forth on my heels with my hands in my pockets. “You also have a great arm. Pretty impressive.”

“I’m pretty good at everything I do. It’s ridiculous, really.” He says it with that cocky smile that does me in every time. My mind goes straight to the gutter and I have an overwhelming urge to find out just how good he is. Pull yourself together, Ellie.

“You gotta go and ruin a good day, don’t you? Just when I was starting to change my mind about you, your huge ego makes a comeback.” I turn towards the front door to grab my shoes. I need to get out of here. Now that it’s just the two of us again, things are starting to feel a little awkward and tense. Leaving now would definitely be for the best. Before Liam and I take things too far. If we end this now, we can be friends, and nobody will get hurt. Maybe we’ll even be able to handle being in the same room together without wanting to kill each other. Most importantly, there will be no risk of secrets being uncovered. Those will stay hidden, like they’re supposed to.

I discreetly order an Uber.

* * *

Three hours later I can still taste him on my mouth. I can still feel his touch all over me. The game of cat and mouse Liam and I have been playing caught up with us today and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I’m still not sure what to think of him. He’s prickly but soft, serious but playful, arrogant but kind. In other words, he’s everything I want in a man and nothing I can have.

But his lips. The way he kisses. My God, the way he kisses.

He takes control, consumes, devours and owns my mouth. His big hands are strong when he grabs me, his body controlling me expertly. And there’s no doubt that if we ever did take things all the way, it would be the best sex I could ever imagine.

The easy banter we had fallen into throughout the day became uncomfortable almost as soon as Kip left. We looked everywhere but at each other; he grew quiet and I went back and forth between struggling to find words and talking one hundred miles a minute to fill the silence. He didn’t fight me when I told him I should get home but was pissed that I called an Uber. He made me hand over my phone, then cancelled the booking, most likely ruining my five-star rating and screwing me over for future rides - as I was happy to point out to him. He drove me home, my body humming the entire way, remembering what he looked like bare-chested and in briefs. Majorly tented briefs.

One thing I know for sure amidst all the uncertainty: I liked spending time with Liam today. Never would I have imagined having so much fun with him, he’s usually so busy being brooding and testy. But today Liam was funny and quick-witted, thoughtful and sweet. Gentle, even. An actual smile replaced his typical serious “work mode” face.

Sitting up from the couch, I reach for the wine bottle on my coffee table and pour myself a little more. I take a sip, sit back and pull my knees into my chest. I reach for my crossword puzzle book to get my mind off Liam. Some people meditate, I do crossword puzzles. My dad got me hooked when I was a kid. We’d sit together for hours trying to figure out the grids of squares and blank spaces. My dad used to say puzzles push our brains to the next level, increasing vocabulary and fluency. I think they were secretly his way of connecting with me, a reason for just the two of us to spend time together. Whatever it was, I loved that time with him and in the process became a cruciverbalist. It’s kind of hard to believe, though, considering my ongoing love affair with my favorite four-letter words.

Opening to my page and grabbing my pen, I search the grid for where I left off. Finding my spot, I read the clue. Falling in love observation. I stare at the black and white print on the page like the answer will telepathically come to me. And when it does, I smile. It’s a seven-letter answer. I write out each letter in capitals.

ITS SO EZ

Is it?

Maybe it can be.

Chapter Nine

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