Page 64 of Had To Be You

Why does the little one have to be so mean to the big one? It’s one of many questions I’ve asked myself this morning while watching an endless loop of puppies-in-sweaters videos, in between crying fits and shoveling down spoonfuls of cookie dough. Anything to take my mind off of Liam and how badly I hurt him, knowing he deserves so much more.

Tying my hair into a knot with a scrunchie, I sink deeper into the couch, yawning. Tossing and turning the last two nights, I’ve hoped that when the sun rose in the morning, the lump in my chest would a hurt a little bit less. Wishful thinking.

Liam has been my first thought when I wake up and my last thought before my eyes finally succumb to what tiny bit of sleep I’ve managed to get. It’s his cocky grin I think about when I sit alone in my apartment, his arms I miss when I crawl into my empty bed and that overwhelming sense of loneliness sets in. Getting over Liam will be the hardest thing I’ve ever have to do.

The next video starts, and I can’t help but smile through the tears at two Pomeranians wrestling one another in turtlenecks. Moments later, the doorbell rings and my heart instantly skips a beat. The doorbell rings a second time, and the thought that it could be Liam flickers through my mind. Maybe he’s ready to talk. My pulse races a million miles a minute as I turn the handle and open the door. But it’s not Liam. Instead, I find Mason standing on my doorstep.

“What the hell do you want?” I ask.

“Still the firecracker I remember.” He grins. “Some things never change.”

“Cut the crap, Mason. Why the hell are you here?”

“Is that your way of inviting me in? Yes, thank you, I’d love to.” He takes a step towards me and I move aside coolly, allowing him inside my apartment.

I’ve seen Mason on TV a few times over the years, despite trying my best to avoid it. But seeing him here, in the flesh, I notice the subtle ways he’s changed. He looks leaner, stronger. A little older, but still undeniably handsome. And judging by the way he drops onto my couch and makes himself at home, still confident as hell.

I was drawn to him right away when we first met. He was good looking and a ton of fun to be around and our chemistry was off-the-charts. But it was more than that. Mason Ford was magnetic - he pulled me in, made me want to get lost in him. And that’s exactly what I did. So lost that I married the guy after just a few weeks.

“Get to the point, Mason,” I snap, shaking loose of the old memories. “Why are you here after six fucking years?”

“Ellie, I’m not here to fight with you. I’m here to give you what you want. A divorce. I thought you’d be happy about it.”

A laugh escapes me. He’s got to be kidding. Did he really think I’d welcome him with a hug and a plate of pastries? I’d like to slam a fist into his face, and he would deserve it if I did.

“I would have been happy about the divorce if you’d offered it six years ago, Mason. Scratch that. I would have been even happier if you hadn’t married me and then disappeared the next day!”

Rage simmers beneath my skin, and as I look at Mason I feel it threatening to boil over.

“Obviously the wedding was a huge mistake, but then to just take off and never talk to me again? Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t deserve that!” I feel my anger start to burn away, replaced by the hurt that I’ve lived with for so many years. I turn my head, not wanting him to see the tears that I feel welling up. “All this time I’ve wondered how you could be so cruel. You treated me like garbage. You humiliated me. You fucking broke me, Mason.”

When I look at him again, he’s standing and the cocky grin is gone from his face, replaced by something softer, something I can’t quite place.

“Ellie, I…” he starts to speak, then stops again, running a hand through his hair.

“Ellie, listen. I know I was a dick back then, that I could’ve handled it all so much better. But I swear to God, I had no idea I hurt you this much,” he insists. “I thought…I guess I thought we were just having a good time together. I really liked you, Ellie, you were so easy to be around and you were just as wild as I was. And gorgeous, obviously. But we only knew each other for a few weeks. And my career was just starting. Football was it for me. That Vegas trip was my last crazy weekend, after that I headed straight for training camp. Things got a bit too out of control with the wedding,” he admits with a wince. “I still can’t believe we actually did that.”

He finally looks up at me, taking a deep breath, and there is sincerity in his eyes when he speaks again.

“I couldn’t do a real relationship back then, Ellie, and I honestly thought you felt the same way. But I guess I got that wrong. Or maybe I just wasn’t paying attention - I had a pretty huge ego back then, I probably didn’t notice a lot of things,” he says sheepishly. “Either way, I’m sorry.”

His words sting, but I can see that Mason is telling me the truth. But an apology isn’t enough to make me forget how embarrassed and angry I’ve been.

“It wasn’t just that you left, Mason. You didn’t say goodbye. You wouldn’t even return my calls,” I remind him. “You acted like I suddenly didn’t exist.”

He sighs, flashing me a guilty look. “I know. It’s not like I set out to ignore you, Ellie. I woke up the next morning, after that insane night, and you were still passed out. So I left you a note and figured we’d connect at some point, decide what to do about having the marriage annulled or whatever. I was on a flight out to meet my dad that day and then straight to camp from there. And then I ate, drank and fucking slept football and the wedding just got pushed to the back of my mind.”

“Mason, I never saw a note. I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

“I left you one, Ellie, on the side table next to the bed.”

I think back to that morning, but most of it is a total fog. Could I have missed a note? Could it have been knocked to the floor and swept under the bed? I guess it’s possible.

“There were times over the years when I thought about contacting you, but it all just felt like so long ago. I had sponsorship deals by then and I guess part of me worried what a bunch of ‘drunken Vegas wedding’ headlines might do to my reputation. God, I really sound like such an asshole,” he says, shaking his head. “I know it doesn’t mean much at this point, but I’m a better guy now than I was back then, Ellie.”

I look at Mason, the man I was once so attracted to. The man I’ve hated for so long. I see the remorse in his eyes, and I believe that he’s telling me the truth. He treated me carelessly, there’s no erasing that. But in a way it’s kind of healing to finally be able to tell him how much he hurt me. After all these years, maybe I can close this chapter.

“You know, I half expected you to appear one day, but you never did,“ Mason adds. “Until now, that is. I got your message from my agent a couple of weeks ago and decided it was a sign to finally deal with it. So here I am.”

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