Page 66 of Had To Be You

“I’m never getting over him, Liv,” I confess. Olivia pulls me into her arms, and we sit there for a moment longer, before we are both suddenly drenched by a spray of water on our backs. It snaps me out of my misery, and the two of us are immediately on our feet, shrieking. Beside us stands a huge, shaggy, black-and-white dog, apparently on his way to find his owner after a run through the waves. He stops to rub against my legs, his tongue flopping out of his mouth and his tail wagging a mile a minute. A man jogs along the sand, calling the dog by its name and profusely apologizing for the sneak attack on the two of us.

I can’t help but laugh because how can I not? This is how my day has gone. This is the perfect end to a disastrous two days. Before I know it the laughs turn into tears and the tears turn into sobs. Anger, fear, sadness, humiliation - I’m just so tired of all of these emotions coursing through me, threatening to strangle me.

The dog wanders down the beach and its owner follows closely behind, fortunately managing to avoid the crazy woman who is having a total breakdown on a public beach. This is my life now. Olivia and I sink back to the sand and sit in silence for a little while, time stretching on. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. Liam was supposed to be my person.

Feeling restless, we eventually decide to walk. The beach is pretty vacant, except for a few families, kids splashing through the surf, a man throwing a ball for his dog who darts across the sand. The fresh air and the sound of the waves hitting the shore are the balm I need to take the edge off. Olivia walks beside me, allowing me the quiet I need to work through the mess in my head. This overwhelming sadness reminds me of the first year after my parents left, how my heart shattered watching them go. I didn’t know when I would see them again but sensed it wouldn’t be soon.

I wish my mom was here to ask for advice. She’d make me one of her teas and then sit with me and know exactly what to say. I wish my dad was here to tell a corny joke and make me laugh, so I could forget for a few short minutes about the relentless throb in my chest. If only.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and a spark of hope ignites in me. I will Liam to be on the other end of the text, wanting to talk and hear me out. I want him to say he misses me, that he accepts my apology, that we can move on from all of this. Together.

I pull the device from my back pocket, anxiously checking the screen. My shoulders sag and my head drops. It’s Kate. She’s next in my long list of apologies to get through.

Olivia notices my disappointment

“Give him time, Ells. It’s only been two days.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking.” I shake my head. “I was a fool to think I could make it work. What did I expect? Liam and I are too different. I’ve made too many mistakes. What made me think we could find love and hold onto it?”

“There are no rules for relationships,” Olivia says matter-of-factly. “You are powerless to what your heart wants. The best thing about love is that you can fall into it with the most unexpected person in the most unexpected place, even when you aren’t looking for it.”

“That was really profound, Liv.” I smile, nudging her shoulder with my elbow. “Like, really flipping profound. That impressed the hell out of me. Do you have, like, a podcast or something I could subscribe to?” I joke through my tears, needing to take the edge off.

“I’m right up there with Dear Abby,” she says, nudging me right back. “But on a serious note, you know you’re going to have to see him. The wedding is in two days. Are-“

“Olivia, it’s not even a question. There is no way I will allow the shit going on between Liam and I to interfere with your day. I promise you that.”

“That’s not what I was going to ask, but I appreciate it. Although, you two on a good day are like bottle rockets on the Fourth of July. What I was going to say is, will you be alright when you see him? Do you think you can handle it?”

I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. I’ve been too busy crying my eyes out and binge-watching insane YouTube videos to even realize I’m going to have to face him. Not mention his entire family. Holy balls.

Just the thought of seeing Liam makes shivers run up my spine, makes the hollow in my chest seem larger and sends a panicked fear through me. Because I miss him. God, I fucking miss him, and everything in me wants him back. I want it all back… mornings in bed with him, lunch dates in his office, sex on his desk, the steamy banter that lights a fire in me. But what if he doesn’t? Losing the one thing that has meant anything to me in forever isn’t a reality I can think about.

I can still feel him all over me, I can still taste his kiss on my lips.

I’m fighting with all I have to stop from crying because deep down I know the answer to Olivia’s question is no.

I definitely will not be alright.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Ellie

Olivia’s stunning silhouette stands in front of a window of gauzy curtains in an upstairs bedroom of the Bennett estate. The sunlight of a perfect, late spring day casts a warm glow all around her. Her long blonde hair is twisted in a loose bun of curls at the nape of her neck. Her wedding day is finally here, and she looks absolutely beautiful.

Bending down in my ice-blue dress, I adjust the train of Olivia’s mermaid gown to the click of a camera while the wedding photographer documents the day. Olivia’s gaze drops over her shoulder while her hand dips to her waist, the largest engagement ring I’ve ever seen reflecting the sunlight and casting a kaleidoscope of light over the bedroom walls.

“You are going to blind everyone with that ring, Liv,” I joke. “Parker must really want every guy in America to know you’re taken.”

“It’s ridiculous and I’ve told him that, but Parker does what Parker wants. You know how my fiancé is.”

“He’ll be your husband in a matter of minutes. Are you ready, Liv?” My voice drops to a hushed tone as I give her hand a squeeze.

“I’ve never been more ready.” She beams, dabbing the outside edge of her big brown eyes with a tissue. “How are you holding up? Have you seen him yet today?”

Her head is angled to the side as she awaits my response and it’s clear as day she is referring to Liam. I tell her that I’m fine, but in reality I’m anything but. I managed to sneak into the Bennett home this morning and up to Olivia’s “bridal suite” without seeing Liam and I haven’t left the room since for fear of running into him. My heart cannot survive the sting of Liam’s rejection and I need to not only get through this day but to enjoy it. My best friend is getting married. That’s what matters today.

“I haven’t seen him.”

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