Page 70 of Naive in Love

“Wanna hit?” A guy sits next to me, offering me a joint. Why not? The tequila has not done its job yet, and Ineedto forget.

* * *

I openmy eyes to the brightest light I have ever seen, wishing someone would rip my head off my body because the pounding is excruciating. I roll over, trying to remember what happened last night and why I feel like shit. Pieces of the night begin to pop up in my memory, but it’s all jumbled.

I sit up to look around my room, not remembering how I got here or why it is trashed. There’s stuff everywhere—clothes and shoes and random belongings—and that’s when I notice Ethan lying next to me. What is he doing here? I am still trying to figure out what happened when my mouth goes numb and begins to water; I am going to throw up. I rush out of bed to my bathroom, just in time to hurl in the toilet.

I can feel Ethan behind me, holding me, whispering I am going to be fine and that he has me. I am in pain, embarrassed, and most of all, confused. When the dry heaves stop, I sit on the floor, still trying to piece together last night’s events. Ethan sits next to me, quiet, just watching.

“Go lay down, Ethan. I’m going to wash up,” I say, not wanting to admit I can’t remember what happened last night. I need a few private minutes to process the few images I have.

“Are you sure? You okay? Do you need anything?” He’s anxious, and I feel awful not knowing what’s causing it.

“I’m fine… Go lay down. It doesn’t look like you got much sleep either.” I pull him up off the floor and gently push him out of the bathroom.

I realize I am still wearing last night’s clothes, minus shoes. I brush my teeth and pop a couple of ibuprofens before getting into the shower. I sit down in the tub, letting the shower stream fall over my head and back, trying to remember. I get a flash of Caleb with a wicked look. I remember. I am sad, pissed, and humiliated all over again. I cannot believe I trusted him, that I believed that he loved me, that I cared for him… These thoughts and many more keep swirling around my head. How could I have been so trusting and stupid? How could I not know what was happening right in front of my face?

A knock on the bathroom door brings me out of my thoughts.

“Are you okay?” Ethan asks through the door.

“I’m fine. Give me a few,” I respond hoarsely. I remember Caleb and Emily but am still foggy about the rest of the night. All my mind sees is them in bed and her satisfied smirk. He asked her to leave. Why would he ask her to leave? Nothing makes sense. He was busted, and he tried to stop me. Why? I let my mind go numb, the pain not fading.

I am not sure how long I have been sitting in the shower when I hear another knock breaking through my oblivion. That’s when I notice the water is cold. The bathroom door opens, and Ethan walks in, pulling the shower curtain aside.

“Baby girl, the water is cold. Let’s get you out of there.” He turns the water off and grabs a towel off the rack, wrapping me up in it and helping me out. I feel empty. Not the least bit ashamed of him seeing me naked. He leads me out to my room and sits me on the bed, heading back to the bathroom and bringing another towel back to me. He wraps it around my dripping hair. He grabs my robe, which is laying carelessly on the floor, and helps me put it on.

His phone pings a text. He picks it up, reading and typing out a quick response. I feel like I am watching from the outside in. My mind is working overtime trying to piece the whole night together and how he came into the picture. It is exhausting. I need to sleep. I lay down, curling myself into a fetal position, tears starting to flow.

I feel him come behind me, whispering, “I’m going to get you something to eat. Maybe it will help settle your stomach. I’ll be right back.”

I cannot let him continue taking care of me. It is not his job.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Go home,” I say to the wall, not moving to face him.

“I’ll be back. No arguments.” I feel a gentle kiss on my temple and the bed shift as he gets up to leave.

I decide not to stay in bed long after he walks out. I get up, and that’s when I notice the giant teddy bear torn apart. I throw on some yoga pants, a tank, and hoodie before I get the courage to look at my reflection in the mirror. What I see looking back at me is ghastly. My eyes are bloodshot, and I still have remnants of last night’s makeup smeared down my face.

Upon seeing my reflection, I turn the faucet on to wash my face. I take a brush to my tangled mess of hair, pulling gently since my head still hurts. I am finishing blow drying my hair when I hear Ethan’s voice call for me. How did he get in?

I walk out of my room to the kitchenette table full of food. “I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I brought a little of everything.” I pick up a bagel. “Feeling a little better?” His brows raise, accentuating the lines on his forehead.

I take a good look at him. He is still gorgeous, but worn down. His usual sexy five o’clock shadow has turned into a scruffy, unkempt beard. His eyes are hollow, and his usual stylishly disheveled hair just looks messy.

“A little.” My headache is now just a slight throbbing sensation. I pause, thinking about whether I should ask him how I ended up at home and how he came into the picture.

Before I can formulate my question without sounding stupid, he asks, “Confused?”

A small, embarrassed smile creeps onto my face before answering, “A little.”

“A little or a lot?” A slight tease creeps into his voice, but the concern doesn’t fade.

“Confused about…parts of the night…specifically…the end.” I pause grabbing a Gatorade from the table. He watches me, taking short drinks from his coffee. “How did I get home…and…what happened…” I wave my arms toward my bedroom and the torn bear. “And…how did you end up here?”

“All good questions. But let me ask you something because I didn’t push for information last night. I just let you wail for a bit before I stopped you because you scared me.” A haunted look crosses his face. My heart rate picks up, anxious about what could have happened.

“Okay,” I say, unsure I want to answer his question.

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