Page 75 of Naive in Love

"If you are here to plead Caleb's case, I'm not in the mood. I will contact him if and when I'm ready." I stand firm.

"Not even close, Sof. I'm here to tell you to stay away. But if you ever say I said that, I will deny it." He sways back and forth nervously.

"Stay away? Why?"

"Can I trust that you will never repeat this to Caleb? I’m still friends with the prick. I just don't want you caught up in his damn games. You're too nice for that."

He has piqued my interest. "I won't repeat anything. What games?"

"Look. Caleb is Caleb. He's always been like this. He was a damn god at our high school. Girls were always throwing themselves at him, and he always had his pick. He has never kept any one of them very long." He pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing. "And I don't think he would've kept you around either, but he loved the competition and the fact that he thought he was winning."

"Competition?" My eyebrows scrunch together trying to follow.

"Ethan. He knew Ethan wanted you from the get-go. Caleb has been toying with you, staying with you to stick it to him. That’s all he’s doing. Well, that and…”

“But…uh…” I’m trying to grasp some semblance of understanding with this new information.

“Look. I’m not sure what he told you or if he was even able to feed you his BS before you left, but it got really ugly. Him and Emily have been at it since she moved in. She let him use her, so I don’t feel bad for her. She could’ve walked away at any time, and she still can, but she thinks she can change him. She knew the game he was playing, and she played right along with him. But you…you…were in the dark.”

“If he wanted Emily, why be with me?” I’m having a hard time following.

“He wanted to be your first. He was bragging about bagging a virgin. Sorry, but those were his words.” His shoulders fall. “He had you in a game you didn’t know you were a part of.”

Stunned, I stay quiet for a moment, then decide to ask, “Why are you telling me this?” My voice cracks with the tears that began to flow during his confession.

“Why can’t any of you assholes stay away from her?” Ethan’s voice is low, but full of threat. His body is tense, his jaw clenching.

I quickly grab his arm, pulling him away as I tell Wes to give me a sec. “Ethan, please,” I whisper. “It’s not what you think. Please stay here and let Wes finish what he’s telling me.” I pause for a few seconds to read him. “Please. You can watch me right here. Just…I need to hear this.” He crosses his arms and tilts his head in Wes’s direction.

I walk back to Wes and quickly apologize. Wes turns his back to Ethan before continuing. “You can’t tell him anything.” He waits for me to confirm. “I’m telling you this because I don’t think it’s fair to you. That’s it. Is Caleb still trying to get back with you?”

“Yes. But why? Like you said, the game is over.”

“I’m not sure. Maybe he does feel bad, but he should’ve thought about that before he decided to mess around with Emily.”

My thoughts drift back to the past. “What happened New Year’s Eve?”

“Emily. Well, Emily and a friend of hers, if you catch my drift. She pretty much lets him do whatever to her.”

“Thank you.” It’s all I could think to say. He gives me a small shrug and turns to walk away. I wipe the last tears as Ethan walks over to me.

“Are you okay?” His worried expression is so reminiscent of the one he wore Sunday.

“I’m getting there.” Needing the comfort, I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist, hoping he holds me back. I feel warmth when his arms encircle me, and I let out the breath I’d nervously held. “I’ve got to get to class. I’m late.” I mumble into his chest a few moments later.

He pulls back, keeping his hands on my waist as his hazel eyes search mine. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Thank you… Again.” He brings his hands up and cups my face, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“Go on then.” He releases me. The hollowness I feel walking away from him is immediate.

* * *

Feeling completely overwhelmed,I rush to my apartment as soon as class is over. I grab a cigarette out of the clutch I used Saturday night and walk outside before lighting up. My nerves, which have been wound so tightly, slowly begin to unravel as I take the second drag.

How did I let things spiral out of control? When did I give up my control? Why did he feel he could do this to me? Why did he choose me? How did I not see it? Did I choose to ignore it? Were there signs? Did I love him? Why did I stay with him after New Year’s? The weight of the questions begins to suffocate me. I need to slow down. I may not be able to answer all of them, but I need to work through some to give myself peace and closure.

How did I let things get so out of control? I didn’t, at least not on purpose. I was swept up in the thought of romance, not what a relationship, respect, and love should be. I gave up my power from the beginning. I can see it now. He made all the decisions, and I conceded. I avoided tension and fights; that was my rationalization. I gave it up, willingly. He is a master at this game. Early on he made me believe I was wrong when I disagreed with him.

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