Page 76 of Naive in Love

He did this to me because I let him. Plain and simple. He was able to manipulate everything to satisfy his motives. I always felt guilty for everything I did, even when I did nothing but hang out with a friend. He made sure of that. But why me?

Love. This simple four-letter word is the most complicated. I get up from the couch to pour myself a cup of coffee, not wanting to focus on it. I pace around the apartment, full of frustrated energy, picking up our clutter. I become so focused on cleaning, I don’t realize how much time has passed until Lena walks in from her study group.

“Wow! I can’t remember the last time our place was this clean.” She is half smirking, half curious.

I look around, proud of my work but surprised I did so much. “I know.” I shrug my shoulders and walk to the couch, falling into it. “I was desperate to shut my brain off. This worked. I was so focused on cleaning that I was able to distract myself from all the bullshit.”

“Bullshit? Same bullshit or did something else happen?” She makes herself comfortable on the side chair.

“New.” I know Wes asked for secrecy, but I can’t hold this in. I need a sounding board. “I talked to Wes today. But before I tell you… He asked me not to tell anyone. But I can’t keep it to myself. You can’t say anything. Even to Preston. I’m only going to tell you. Not Bree or Paige. Just you. This will have to stay with us.” I wait for her to agree.

She nods and says, “Go on.”

I tell her about the conversation with Wes. She listens, never interrupting.

"I can’t believe he really sold his friend out.” Her eyes are wide.

“I know! He was the one that told me to go to the apartment that night. He wanted me to bust Caleb. But it’s weird. Why would he want to protect me?”

“I think you’re going to have to believe his story about it not being fair to you. If the slut knew all along, screw her. Screw him for thinking he could get away with this shit.” Lena’s voice is full of frustration and anger. “Fuck him!”

A smile escapes my lips. “Fuck him,” I concur.

“What did you tell Ethan?”

“Nothing. He didn’t ask me anything after Wes walked away. I didn’t give him a chance. I went right to him and hugged him. I needed safety, and he was able and willing to provide me that. I still don’t know why he keeps coming to my rescue. It’s not fair to him, especially when he decided he didn’t want to be with me.”

“He’s doing it because he wants to. Did you ask him to step in while you were talking to Wes? No. He did it on his own. So let it go.”

“Fine. But I really need to do something this weekend. We need plans.”

“Already done. I’ve already called the crew, and they are coming in tomorrow.” She’s chewing the side of her lip, waiting for me to respond.

“Good.”

20

Minutes feellike hours waiting for Josh, the last to arrive from out of town. I refuse to say anything about what has happened. I want everyone present because I’m not going to repeat the story again after this. I’ll speak of it one last time to my friends and rid my memory of it, and Caleb, for good.

As soon as Josh walks through the door, tears fall, and I start my story, not waiting for him to sit down. I want to purge myself of the humiliation. It goes as well as expected. They are mad for me, worried about me, and sad I had to experience it. The guys, being who they are, are ready to kick some ass to protect me.

The hardest part for me is admitting my weaknesses and that I became his doormat. I shut my eyes and let him walk all over me. They are supportive and tell me I am being too hard on myself. They all agreed he is a predator. He was looking for someone he could easily control. Their analysis does nothing to make me feel better. I was a weak link.

* * *

Preston and Joshare playing pool at The Shack with a couple of guys they challenged, while the rest of us sit around a bar table, talking and laughing. It feels good to relax. The guys win the table, so the girls jump up, wanting to play. Still in a slight funk, I bow out of the game. I stand on the side by the wall, and Preston volunteers to play in my place.

Josh brings me a stool. I shake my head. “Thanks, but I’ll just stand here.”

He sits down on the stool and pulls me back into him. I stand between his legs as he wraps his arms around my waist, placing his chin on my shoulder.

“If you don’t want to be here, we can leave. You don’t need to put on a front for us. You know that right?” he says quietly in my ear.

I turn my head and kiss him on the cheek. “I know. But I need to do this. I need to be out, to feel normal again. I don’t want to wallow.”

And then I hear a sneering voice. “Not even a week has gone by and you’re out whoring yourself?” Caleb walks toward me.

I turn around and press myself into Josh’s chest, closing my eyes, not wanting to face him.

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