Page 71 of His Captive

The door to my office shakes as it slams behind me, I pour myself a triple measure and knock it straight back. Then my fist lands hard on my desk.

What the fuck had that been up there?

What the fuck was she doing in my bed?

And how had I almost just kissed her?

It’s not that I don’t want to kiss Lysetta. God, I want to fucking kiss her. It’s the only part of her body I haven’t explored barring her ass, and I’m saving that one for a special occasion.

But Millie is the only girl I’ve ever kissed. She’d been the only girl I’ve ever wanted to until Lysa came along.

Kissing Lysa would wipe away the final trace of her, and I’ve always liked my lips belonging to her.

I’d been too close to giving them away again a moment ago.

How did I go from wanting to crush the girl, to pretty much making love to her? Worse, how have I fucking enjoyed it enough to want to go back up there and do it all over again?

When she’d asked for gentle earlier, I had to walk away. I tried to make myself busy, to not think about it. But, it had ate away at me. I wanted Lysa in every way she could be taken. If she ever got away, if she ever left me, I’d have regretted never giving it to her.

Touching her like that, letting her have a part of me in that way rid me of my anger. It unburdened me of hate, and for just a moment took away every vengeful vision my fucked up mind had ever created.

There’s a knock on my door and I pray to God it isn’t her. I need space. Just for a moment. I need my mind to be free of her. I need to breathe.

“Who is it?” I call out.

“It’s me,” Buddy’s voice comes back.

“Come in,” I tell him, moving around my desk to sit in my chair.

He steps inside chewing his lip nervously and twisting his hands around each other.

“Look, Bud, is this important? I’m trying to think something through,” I tell him harshly.

“Um. Yeah, boss. It's important,” he says awkwardly.

“Well then…what is it?” I rush him.

“It’s the girl. She ain't in her room, boss. I went to find her this morning and she wasn’t there. Then, I thought she might have been in the games room, but she wasn’t. I’ve checked the grounds in case she’s gone looking around the gardens. I know she ain’t supposed to, but you know how she can be.” He raises his eyebrows awkwardly. “Ethan, I think she might be gone.”

“She's in my room,” I put him out of his misery, watching his shoulders sag in relief, then his head jerk up with shock.

“In your room?” he checks as if I’ve spoken to him in a language he doesn’t understand.

“Yes Bud, in my room,” I repeat.

“But… How…What's she doing in there?” he asks failing to keep his mouth from hanging open.

“She slept in my room last night.” There’s no point lying to him. Crazy as it might be, I intend on her sleeping there every night from now on anyway.

Buddy’s shock turns into a smile, the one that looks a little dopey and somehow seems to conjure one out of me whenever he does it.

“Come on, out with it,” I say, stretching back in my chair and waiting for him to tell me whatever it is that’s working its way around that beautiful mind of his.

“I think you like her, boss,” he says, his cheeky grin widening even more. I spin to look out of the window.

“You know what, Bud? I don’t know what the fuck I feel for that girl. Whether to love her or hate her. I can't figure out if I want to rip her skin open or kiss every fine fucking inch of it.” I’m surprised at my honesty, but then, Buddy always has been my person.

“The girl’s fucking me up,” I admit taking another mouthful of scotch.

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