Page 67 of Dare To Free Us

I considered the question for a moment. Anger slithered its way back in. “I taught my cowardly, selfish wife a lesson,” I spat, flinching inwardly at how I described Arianna.

The crack of my mother’s hand striking my cheek echoed in the large space. It didn't so much hurt, but surprised the living hell out of me as my head swung sideways. Maria didn’t have an aggressive bone in her body. To hear her raise her voice would have been enough to shock me.

Slowly I faced back forward and gaped at the woman whom I’d ever known as meek.

“Don’t you ever call Arianna that,” she hissed with venom.

My jaw ground together. She didn’t know what Arianna had done. “She tried to run away. Tried to take my child from me.”

“Good.”

My eyes bulged out of my head. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“I’m glad Arianna was brave enough to try and give her child a better life.”

“A better life?”

“Yes. One that I was never brave enough to try and give my own sons,” she said, voice cracking.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Who the hell was this woman standing in front of me?

Her eyes narrowed, making her cheekbones look extra sharp in the low light. “You think you know what it’s like to be strong Matteo? You think killing and ruling over a world of your own making makes you powerful?” I couldn’t do anything but stand there and listen to the words that seemed foreign coming from her.

“Love makes us powerful. That woman,”she jabbed a finger towards the upstairs, “that you just scorned up in your bedroom, possesses a love for your child that’s strong enough she was willing to give up everything,everythingMatteo. Luxury. Friends. Family. For the love of your child Arianna was willing to sacrifice her entire life for that baby’s benefit. Can you say the same?”

“I…” I stood there stunned, trying to find an answer.

“It was a rhetorical question. The answer is no, and the very evidence resides with your wife. You confess to love her. You once told me everything you do is for her, but the moment she told you something you couldn’t stand to hear you turned your back. Told Arianna her fear means nothing to you by telling her to simply accept it. Mothers don’t simply acceptanything.”

So what if I’d told her the truth, that she needed to come to terms with the reality that she signed up for all this. Arianna changed at the drop of a hat. She lost all confidence in me, throwing a life she agreed to in my face. Our past felt like such a lie.

“She didn’t trust me to take care of her and the baby. She let her fear rule her,” I growled.

“Yes, fear for her child Matteo, foryourchild. It is all together different. Her fear made her brave enough to tell you the truth. And then make a decision for the sake of someone else’s future when you gave her no choice.” She paused for a long moment. “If you can’t see that Matteo then you never deserved Arianna, and don’t deserve that child in her belly.” Ducking her head Maria walked around me, heading towards her bedroom.

I stood there dumbfounded. The clicking of her heals pulsed in my brain, along with every word she just said. Then something struck me. “What did you mean by, you weren’t brave enough?” I turned to watch her stop and face me from across the room, most of her lost in shadow.

She sighed as if the question would cover something that made her wish I hadn’t asked. “Your father didn’t send me away because I couldn’t have children. He sent me away because when Dante was still young he threatened to kill him if Lorenzo didn’t stop parading his whores in front of me.” I had no knowledge of that but knew Dante hated how father treated her, we both did. Apparently Dante had more balls than I gave him credit for to threaten our father like that. I swallowed hard remembering how much it crushed her to be so humiliated. “So as a cruel retaliation to Dante’s actions he simply did away with me and kept you boys from me.”

Her gaze hit the floor as if ashamed. “Every day since I was banished, I didn’t kill myself because I loved you. I didn’t want to leave you alone in this world with Lorenzo, even if I couldn’t actually be with you. And I never wanted either of you to feel guilt, thinking there was something you could have done. So I lived a terribly lonely existence everyday until Arianna came into your life. The love you have for each other gave me hope.”

“Mother.” I stepped forward to go to her and give her comfort against the dejection showing in her face, but she held up a hand to ward me off. It stung like a bitch to feel her rejection.

“What I should have done was steal you away when you were little, or died trying.” I knew what she meant, Lorenzo would have killed her. “And becauseIwas too scared you boys suffered for it. That beautiful woman up there that loves you, what is she worth to you Matteo? What truly is your purpose in life? This?” Raising her hands she gestured to my grand, ten-thousand square foot mansion and everything it represented. “Or is it her?”

Without anything more to say she turned and left me standing in the dark alone.

A chill brushed over my naked skin as my feet refused to move from the spot. I was a prisoner in my own mind as it raced to comprehend what my mother just said. And all the damn questions.

Crushing my eyes shut I did everything I could to keep the montage of past events out of my head. The ones trying desperately to shove their way through my barriers, bringing a tsunami of emotions a mile high.

No good could come from trying to answer them. Looking back would change nothing. Until a memory flashed bright enough to blind me.

“Hey, Matteo?”

“Yeah, Luca.”

Raising my head I took in my friend across the booth from me. We had spent the night out partying, where we woke up naked with nameless girls, slight headaches and ravenous appetites. The waitress brought half the breakfast menu and placed the mountain of food down with a shake of her head. I dug in while Luca hesitated.

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