Page 110 of My Secret Bandit

“I’m sorry, Mar.” I hated that if it wasn’t for me, Mateo wouldn’t be acting that way to them.

“It’s not your fault. He’s grown. He makes his own decisions. Do not put this on yourself,” she said, reading my thoughts.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, not believing her. “How about y’all come over for dinner tomorrow?”

“That sounds good. I know Milly would love to see you, I would too. We both need a hug.”

“I’ll have two waiting.”

Amelia had a horrible fucking day, Mateo could’ve made it better and ended up making it worse. Because of that, I spent the evening at the grocery store, buying supplies to make her an “I’m sorry” dinner and thinking of the best way to explain the situation to her.

I loved Amelia like I gave birth to her myself. I hated that she wasn’t feeling her best. And I couldn’t think of anything I wouldn’t do to make her feel better.

She was seven.

She should be happy and carefree. Not covered in scrapes because some kid decided to be a dickhead or crying on the phone asking me why I left her uncle. These were not the worries a seven-year-old should have. Well, maybe the first one. I knew kids were assholes from experience. But definitely not the second one.

The next day, work dragged on.

One minute seemed like ten and twenty minutes felt like two hours. I got no work done. Instead, I scrolled through pictures I’d taken over the last few months and spent my time trying to remember how everything felt when it was good. When my heart felt full and I wasn’t miserable.

The end of the day came around, and I didn’t wait to say my goodbyes to anyone.

With dinner made, I waited for Amelia and Mariana to show up. My anxious pacing stopped as soon as the doorbell rang.

I wanted to answer with a smile. I wanted her to think I was okay. That I wasn’t completely broken inside. And I thought a smile would ease any worries she had.

I took a deep breath and plastered on as believable of one as I could manage. The movement felt wrong. Foreign. Like it didn’t belong on my lips. I knew it was fake, Mariana would know it was fake, I just hoped Amelia wouldn’t.

“Hey, sweet girl,” I greeted, pulling her up and into my arms.

“Hi,Tía.“ She snuggled herself into me. I held her for a long moment before Mariana joined us. With our heads resting together and Amelia’s on my shoulder, we stayed, unwilling to break the connection.

“Are you okay?” Mariana asked, the first to step away.

I shrugged. There wasn’t a better answer unless I wanted to flat out say no, and that would surely do the opposite of what I intended this dinner to be about.

“Come on. Let’s eat.”

After dinner, I started Mill’s favorite movie. I watched her as she watched TV, trying to memorize her features because I didn’t know when I’d see her again.

So engrossed in her, I jumped when Mari’s hand squeezed mine. Our eyes met and held each other for a silent minute until she spoke.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry about you and my brother. I pray every night that you’ll find your way back to each other, but I want you to know that we all understand if that doesn’t happen. He fucked up. Like royally fucked up, and we understand if that’s something you can’t forgive. I just want you to know that we all love you and you’ll always be a part of our family regardless of what you decide to do.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, breaking our eye contact because I couldn’t stand to look at the eyes that reminded me of everything that should have been and probably never would be again.

“Tía,“ Amelia said, taking a break from her movie to look between me and her mom. “What happened? What madeTíoso mean?”

And there it was. The conversation I’ve been dreading since I got their call yesterday. I lifted from the bar stool and sat beside her on the couch.

With her little hands wrapped in mine, I began, “Sometimes things don’t work out the way we thought they would. Your uncle didn’t plan to get hurt, and that’s part of why he’s upset. I didn’t plan on moving back here bu—“

“You still love him, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then why aren’t you at his house like before?” Her face morphed with confusion.

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