Page 123 of My Secret Bandit

Mateo was slow to settle into a squat next to Amelia at the edge of the burial site, injured knee not quite as bent as the other and a different twinge of pain stabbed at my chest seeing the effort it took for him to get into that position.

As she faced the grave, he watched her, completely engrossed. One elbow rested on his knee, hand over his mouth, he absorbed every word she said. Then like a heavy weight his head dropped. His shoulders shook with sobs. When he reached for her she threw her arms around his neck and I watched him squeeze her close.

They stayed like that, neither ready to abandon the hug or Mariana.

It wasn’t until a crew of men started piling chairs onto a trailer that they finally made their way over.

“Milly wants ice cream,” Mateo said with a sad smile when they got to us, followed by his parents.

“And Mills deserves some fucking ice cream,” Xander replied, ushering us all into our seats.

“Xander! Language.”

“Sorry, Mom. It’s been a rough ass week and the f-word relieves stress.”

Benny pinned him to his seat with a stare, but without the energy to fight him over yet another curse word flying out, she gave in.

I flipped around in my seat. Leaning over it into the back to grab the frame I bought for Amelia. Having caught his attention, Mateo had the flag waiting for me and laid it inside once I got it open. I tucked a picture of the family from Mateo’s party into the corner. A butterfly locket Mateo had made with another picture of just Amelia and Mariana, laid in a small pouch on top once I finished.

“Here you go, sweet girl,” I said, handing the frame over to Amelia.

Her green eyes moved from the frame to the picture, then the pouch before looking between me and Mateo. Her little fingers worked the pouch open and pulled out the necklace. She palmed the locket, opening it and running one little finger over the picture.

“Mariposa,“ she said through a sniffle. “Can I put it on?”

“Of course,bebita,“ Mateo whispered, taking the necklace and working it around her neck. With the clasp done, her thumb rubbed the locket.

“Thank you,” she said. Her hug setting off another round of tears.

Ice cream in hand, Amelia settled onto a bar stool in Mateo’s kitchen. She ate quietly while we watched her. Everyone lost in thought, concerned about how she’d cope and how it might alter the path her life followed.

With Xander gone to pick up dinner, Mateo moved across the room. The backs of his fingers double tapped mine. When I looked up at him, he silently nudged his curls toward the backdoor before his feet followed.

I trailed behind, throwing a quick glance at the little girl before shutting the door behind me.

“Come sit with me for a second.” He led me to the cushioned bench and took a seat.

“What about Milly?” I asked, looking back.

He tugged the hem of my dress and lowered me into the seat next to his. “I’m not really sure how, but she was busy wiping ice cream out of her eyebrow, so I think she’s okay for now.”

“How’s your knee?”

“It’s fine. Just a little stiff.” He shrugged. He went silent, lost in thought while he eyed his knee, absently massaging it.

Nervousness filtered through my stomach. I knew this talk was coming. I just didn’t think it would happentoday.

“I’m sorry we haven’t real—“

“Hey,” I interrupted, “I’m not going anywhere. So this conversation, it can happen later… when you’re ready.” My hand reached out, and our fingers laced together.

“But I am,” he urged. “This sounds so cliché, but losing Mari showed me how precious life is. How easily it can be taken away. Jameson, I’ve already lost one of the most important people in my life. I can’t lose you too. Not again. I need you to know how sorry I am for what I said, how I acted. I never should have let you leave that day without apologizing.God.I hated myself for acting like such a jackass.“ His head laid back and he scrubbed over his face before lifting it again. “Ugh.Jackass doesn’t even begin to cover it. You were nothing but patient and perfect while I was hurt and I ruined it. When I heard those words, I couldn’t believe they came out of me. Then I watched you leave your key by the front door and I thought I was having a heart attack. It hurt so bad. I couldn’t breathe. Then my entire fucking body went numb when the door closed behind you. And it stayed that way until you grabbed my hand at practice and told me not to leave. From there at least I had a small glimmer of hope that I could convince you to give me another chance and that got me through the day.“ Tears glittered his eyes as he brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “I love you. I’ve loved you since you walked through those doors at The Cove. You’re worthy of the world and I want to be the one to give it to you.”

I blew out a wobbly stream of air.

“Mateo, I’ve worked so hard to love myself, to let myself be loved, to finally quit listening to other people’s opinions of me. You were a huge part in me getting over those hurdles and it only made that day worse because you were the absolute last person I expected to say something like that. That day, itbrokeme. I rebuilt my heart only for it to shatter again every time I replayed your words.“ Mateo nodded like he knew the exact feeling I referred to. “I knew you didn’t mean it, that it was just the frustration of the situation, but therewill bemore frustrating days, Mateo. There will be more fights. Those thoughts, those words, they can’t be your go to during rough times. I can’t go through that again. I won’t.”

“You won’t,” he repeated. “Never again, Jameson. I know my words mean shit to you right now, but when I say I’m ready to do everything to rebuild your trust in me, in us, I mean it. A thousand percent. I just need you to give me the go-ahead.”

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