Page 38 of My Secret Bandit

“So, what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why haven’t you been going to practice?” she asked.

“You know why. I figured I needed to stay with Jeffrey and Kyle.”

“You and Mateo are good?”

“Yeah. We’re good. Better than good actually,” I said, repeating his words from earlier.

“Okay,” she sighed, satisfied for the moment. “I just wanted to check on you, I can tell you’re missing him. Your sparkle hasn’t been as bright lately,” she said, watching me over her glass, “So… have y’all done it yet?”

Watching a lazy finger drag around the lip of my own glass, I shook my head.

“Why not!?” she shrieked. “What is stopping you from jumping that delicious man’s bones? He single-handedly nursed you back to the living, risked his own health, and lived in your flu-filled house for a week. You know I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, but that alone deserves some lovin’.”

“We haven’t known each other for that long. Plus, he has this five-date thing and we’ve only had three.”

“Hmm…,” she thought, and I could see the wheels working as they turned in her head. She tilted it, her long hair brushing against her leg, and stared at me. “Do you think you’re ready?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. Not yet. But then I’m with him and it’s like nothing else matters, nothing can hurt me. He helps me forget every worry, he makes me feel so damn good. I mean, he’s gorgeous, obviously, but he’s also sweet and caring. Easy to talk to. He’s constantly taking my breath away at the simplest gestures. He’s everything anyone could want, multiplied a hundred times over. Sierra, after my mom, I didn’t think my heart would feel full again. I know it’ll never be a hundred percent, but every day I spend with him that hole gets smaller.”

Sierra blinked at me, wide-eyed, a slow smile lifting her cheeks. “You’re getting dangerously close to that “L” word, my love.”

I hadn’t verbally communicated exactly how I felt about Mateo, and now hearing myself, and watching Sierra’s reaction, my heart raced.

“So that’s it, huh? You’re avoiding practice ’cause it’s moving too fast.”

She stared at me so intently her eyes basically reached in and pulled an answer out of me.

“I mean… I don’t think so.”

But maybe? Maybe I wanted to believe it was because of work, spending time with Jeffrey and learning from him. I shrugged, sighing at the fact that she could be right. Although I knew avoidance was way too harsh a word for whatever was going on. If it was, it shouldn’t hurt this much to be away from him.

*text notification*

Mateo: I can’t handle it anymore. I’ll see you in an hour.

“What?” She watched the smile make its way back onto my face.

I showed her the message.

Popping up, she grabbed her purse in a hurry and made it to the door before I knew what was happening. “Don’t let me keep you from your man. Get you some, girl! Or don’t yet. Whatever floats your boat. You always have fantasies and fingers as a backup plan.” She wagged her fingers at me, and I rolled my eyes.

Me: Consider it a date.

“Hey! I’m going to tell you this one more time. Just because your brain is telling you it’s too much doesn’t mean it is. Trust your heart, Jamie,” Sierra said before she slid out the door.

“I’m trying,” I whispered into the now empty space.

Outside, anxiety hit a new high when the pearly white car parked along the curb. I couldn’t help but think about what Sierra said. The idea of loving someone, someone like Mateo. I never knew love beyond what my family and friends provided me, it excited me to think about but it also terrified me. What if I screwed up? Or I did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing? What if he could never love me back? Or he did but only temporarily? How big of a mess would that leave behind? How long would it take to recover?

Once he stepped out of the car, all my thoughts disappeared and I melted at the sight of him. In a few long strides, he wrapped me in his arms and this time I didn’t flinch when he lifted me.

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed into the side of my neck.

“You saw me earlier.”

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