Page 56 of My Secret Bandit

Rolling off the bed, I went into the bathroom, looking for something. A Tylenol PM, some melatonin, anything to satisfy my mind enough to help my eyelids stay closed for a few hours. Jeffrey’s offer suddenly sounded pretty damn good. Not finding anything useful, I continued my impression of the undead and zombie-walked to the kitchen for a cup of chamomile tea.

The drink warmed me from the inside out, providing me the comfort I needed to drift into a restless sleep.

I woke the next morning with my alarm screaming at me. I rolled over and slammed my finger down on the screen until the noise stopped.

Focusing my tired eyes, I saw a new message from Mateo that came not long after I fell asleep. Just him letting me know they had made it to the hotel.I knew his voice would provide that calm I wanted, but not knowing their schedule for the day, I decided against calling him and got ready.

I parked, went through security, and found where I needed to be easily. It wasn’t until I waited at my gate that the nerves snuck up, like a ninja in full on stealth mode. My palms got sweaty, my heart started trying to break through my sternum, and my chest tightened a little more each second.

Being early had its perks; no one was around to see my looming breakdown.

Somehow, sensing I needed him, Mateo’s picture took over the screen of my phone.

“H—hello,” I answered with a restricted breath.

“Jameson. What are you doing?”

“I c—can’t brea—the.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” Urgency sounded in his voice. I listened as the background went from being full of chatter to nothing but silence.

The pressure in my chest became so intense all I could do was take shallow, fast breaths. “I—I’m—wai—.”

“Baby, breathe,” he said, doing his best to calm me down. “Slowly. In through your nose, then slowly out through your mouth.”

Mateo repeated his instructions. I drew in deep breaths, focusing on his smooth voice, letting it drape over me in the safety net he provided without even physically being with me.

“Good, baby. Just breathe.” He waited until my breathing returned to normal before he spoke again. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m at the airport, waiting to get on a plane.”

“Why are you at the airport if you’re afraid of flying?”

“I’m filling in for Kyle.”

A low grumble came from Mateo’s end. “Why didn’t you tell me? You could’ve flown out with me last night or even this morning with Xander. You didn’t have to do this by yourself.” Hurt coated his voice. Hearing him that way made my chest ache more than the thought of boarding any plane.

Feeling my heart speed up again, I took a few more deep breaths to steady myself before I answered. “I didn’t want you to be worrying about me when you needed to focus on other things.”

“Focus on what? A game!?” His voice grew louder, echoing off the walls surrounding him. “Damn it, Jamie. I love you! You will always be more important than any football game! “

Jamie? He never calls me—

Wait… did he just... while scolding me?

Someone calling Mateo’s name in the background broke up the silence that consumed us.

“Shit. Coach is looking for me. Look. Call me the second you land. The flight isn’t that long, just try to relax. Deep breaths. Watch a movie or something to keep your mind busy. You’ll be here before you know it.”

“I’m sorry, Mateo.”

“You’re good, baby. Don’t worry about it.” He sighed. “I’ll see you when you get here.” The voice in the background grew closer as he hung up.

All that just to get him worked up, anyway. Good fucking job, Jamie.

After a few minutes of what I assumed meditation felt like, a voice sounded over the speaker saying it was time to board. I sent Sierra a quick text to let her know before powering my phone off. I found my seat and stowed my bag in the overhead bin.

Buckling myself in, I focused on breathing, keeping it steady with deep, controlled breaths. With my eyes closed, I could easily imagine myself at home on the couch or at work in my big office chair. Anything was better than opening my eyes and only seeing the insides of this fucking plane.

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