Page 149 of Agency
I turned away from Morgan and Andrew and began to walk back towards the trees. I knew where this was going. I hated that my moral compass was so loose and fundamentally unmoored, and was perfectly ready to swivel along with hers.
“They showed me the types of kills that had happened instead, Ambyr. Reckless drone target, car bombs, attacks on crowded restaurants with fully automatic weapons. Ten, twenty, a hundred civilians dead to reach each individual target. Each. Individual. Target. Three hundred men, women, and children–all bystanders, all dead–because the partners couldn’t provide a skilled, discreet service.”
I swallowed hard, breathed deep. I’d seen the effects of drone strikes. Sure, the majority were good, were solid, and with minimal collateral damage. But some of them? They destroyed the nation’s credibility around the world, making missions more difficult for soldiers on the ground. And don’t even get me started on car bombs, or indiscriminate small-arms killings.
“The agency the partners wanted to form would be able to do it cleaner, and with more discretion,” Aunt Val continued. “With a greater attention to detail so that innocents weren’t ever caught in the crossfire. That’s why I worked for the Agency. Because the market dictated this was going to happen whether I liked it, or not. And, if I was working with them, at least, I could be sure that the job was done cleanly, with zero civilians being collateral damage. Because, Ambyr, we were still going after bad people and keeping innocents safe until Backlund assumed complete control of Management and began to change things, to change the dossiers.”
“And so… what exactly?” I gritted my teeth, unsure of my feelings. Was I angry? Sad? Grieving? “Want me to give you kudos for being a murderer, Aunt Val? For turning me into one right alongside you?”
“No, baby girl,” she said, her voice softening more than just a fraction. “No, Ambyr, I want you to understand that my path was the least of all evils. That, yes, I used you. I used you, Ambyr. I shaped you into a sword that was reliable. A sword I could trust. Can trust. I’ll admit that, and admit it freely, and I was awful for having done it. Not was, am. Am awful. But that I did it to save lives.”
I ran a hand back through my hair, could feel the tears brimming in my eyes as she took a ragged breath on the other end of the line.
“I love you,” my aunt said. “I love you like the daughter I never had, Ambyr. You know that, or at least I hope you do. And what I did to you is unforgivable. But, this is your chance. Those files might have been copied, but they’re now in my control. Go. Live your life with a clean slate, away from all this.”
“But you’re still going to do it,” I said, my voice choked with emotion. “You’re still going to be Management, aren’t you?”
“What choice do I have?” she asked. “The consequences if I didn’t take over the Agency from Backlund were far worse, and further reaching than losing you from my life. If I just wiped the whole Agency away, someone worse would spring up to fill their niche. Because the market’s there, Ambyr. There’s a need that only the Agency can fill. Yes, of course, it would take a competitor time to build the kind of database maintained by the Agency, but that only means we would be delaying the inevitable by wiping out all that information. Not to mention the fact that too many organizations around the world would just turn back to their old, sloppy way of doing things in the meantime.”
I had to wipe tears from my cheeks, just like back on the side of that dusty road in North Dakota. Somehow, though, this was worse. Because she wasn’t going into hiding, was she? No, she was becoming the same kind of creature I’d just risked my life trying to slay.
“But, if I’m here, if I’m Management,” she continued, “I can control it. I can direct it. I can maintain what kind of integrity exists here. I… I can save lives, Ambyr. I can prevent far more deaths than we take. You have to believe that’s the only reason I’m doing this. It’s for the greater good.”
Eyes lifted to the sky, I swallowed hard as I found myself nodding. Fuck me, why was I nodding along with her, the tears running down my cheeks and streaking my camo?
“Go, Ambyr,” she said. “Go. I’m doing this so you don’t have to. So our agents aren’t put into situations like you were anymore, where they were lied to and coerced into taking bad contracts. Be with Jericho, Morgan, and Andrew. Let someone care for you for once in your life.”
A sob came from my mouth, one which I could barely choke down.
“They’re probably enough to handle you,” she said. “Maybe. I know I never could.”
This time I couldn’t choke the sob down, and I began crying openly.
“I love you, Ambyr. I love you with all my heart. But it’s probably best that we don’t speak. Not for a long while. Goodbye, my daughter I never had,” she said. Then, her voice choking off too, she said: “Good hunting.”
The line went dead. The burner phone fell from my hand and clattered to the rocky shore.
I went to fall to my knees, but a strong, masculine arm slipped around my waist and caught me before I could shatter myself on the rocky shore. The arm pulled me up, buoying me as the rest of my body went slack, and then a different body was pressing into mine and another set of arms was wrapping around me.
“It’s okay, Ambyr. It’s okay.” Andrew. Andrew’s kisses on my cheeks, and his hot breath on my neck. “We’re here, okay?”
“Ambyr, I know it’s hard,” Morgan said. “I know it. But we’re with you.”
Jericho must have come ashore while I was on the phone, because then a third set of hands and arms were on me, and a third, waterlogged body was pressing close.
“Hey,” he growled. “You’re safe, you completed the objective. We don’t win everything all the time.”
“But,” I said, the tears still flowing, “that’s not what I’m crying about. It’s not about winning, or losing. I don’t care about that. I have you guys, and that’s enough.” My hands went up and stroked each of the cheeks in turn. “It’s that she’s right,” I said, looking to each of them, their faces still indiscernible in the darkness to my eyes, but not my fingers.
“It’s that she’s right,” I repeated. “There are bad people out there in the world. And, if there aren’t bad people like her standing at the door, things might be even worse. Because those bad people need to be dealt with. And she’s right. She’s absolutely right. And I don’t know if I can handle that.”
Jericho stiffened at my words.
So did Morgan.
“She’s giving me a fresh start, she said. My slate’s clean of any past sins. It’s just me now, with no one handling me. And… And I don’t know if I can deal with that. Because, I think she might be right. I think working with her might be what I’m meant to do.”
A long silence.
