Page 45 of Agency
“Why the sudden change of heart? Last night seems to have gone fine–you’re in one piece, and your target isn’t.”
“I’m in one piece, but I’m not fine. And it’s not sudden. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.” I swallowed hard, took a deep breath. “It’s been at the back of my brain for months, maybe even the last year. I’m tired of doing this, Valerie. I can’t just keep going from place to place and… Well, you know. It’s not even that I’m going to slip up, or anything. I’m just tired. Tired of the travel, of always changing my identity from one city to the next… Tired of the things I need to do to take care of my clients.”
“But I need you in the field, and Management doesn’t have any openings moving upward in administration. Maybe you’ll be ready for that kind of responsibility in a few—”
“No, Valerie,” I said, cutting her off. “You’re not understanding me. I want out entirely. Not just no more field duty. Out. From the Agency.”
“Really? What would you do instead?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Something that maybe doesn’t involve killing people?” Shifting in my seat, I had to force myself not to glance back at her. “I have money set aside. I can take some time off. Travel. Go to school. I wouldn’t even need it, but I still have my GI Bill.”
“And do what? Be an accountant? Sell insurance? Ambyr, no offense… But I really can’t see you pushing papers for some corporation.”
“No, probably not.” Arms still crossed, I’d slumped down in my chair. “But, what happens if I want to start a family, Valerie? Or even have a boyfriend? Ever thought about that?”
Another moment of silence form her end. More whispering newsprint as another page turned.
“Is that what this is about? Biological clock ticking? You could always adopt, you know, when you’re finished working in the field. Management doesn’t have any positions open right now, but eventually you’ll be able to segue into something.”
“Adopt? You mean like you did, Aunt Val?” My tongue carried a bit more acid than I’d intended–something I immediately regretted.
My aunt sucked in a deep, audible breath like I’d just slapped her, and my shame deepened.
Years had passed since I’d last called her that, at least since just after I’d gone into the “family business” with her, and I could already feel my face flushing.
“Shit. Sorry. You didn’t deserve that, Valerie.”
“No. No, you’re upset. That’s fine.” She paused, and when she spoke again her voice held a little more warmth, and I could have sworn I heard the faintest hint of a smile. “But, I don’t think you can really go the same route as me. For one thing, you’re an only child, so no nieces or nephews to pick up at the pound, like I did.” Another pause. “So, what did change? Are you going to at least give me that?”
Lips pressed into a thin line, I sighed deeply.
“Anything to do with the man that’s probably still up in your room?”
I snorted, shook my head, but didn’t say anything one way or the other.
“What? Think I can’t still smell the sex on you, dear? Least you could have done was take a shower.” Her words might have been harsh, but her tone wasn’t. She sighed. “Don’t worry, I remember being your age. If you think I didn’t do the same thing on occasion, I have an arch out by the river to sell you.”
At that part, I did chuckle.
“I’m speaking to you as your aunt, now, Ambyr,” she said. “And not your handler. And you do not want to leave these people in the lurch. You need to take this client. After? After, we can discuss an exit plan for you.”
I took a deep breath, nodded. “Yeah. Exit plan.”
“I’ll talk to them, let them know your feelings. Let them know that we’re pushing you too hard. I’ll make sure this is your last contract.”
“Think that’s wise?”
“I know you probably think that agents who decide to quit just magically die, or have other agents sent after them. But, trust me, that’s not the case. When I took custody of you, for instance, they allowed me to shift into this position without a second thought. Management is understanding. You’re beginning to have misgivings, and that’s only natural after what amounts to a lifetime in this line of work.”
“You’ll really talk to them? You’re not just saying that?”
“Of course I will. I’m your aunt, aren’t I? And I always will be. This, right now, is only part of our relationship. Your mother was my sister. No matter what happens, her blood flows through my veins just the same as yours. And that can never be separated.”
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
“Thanking your aunt might be a start.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry. Thanks, Aunt Val.”
