Page 4 of Dirty Crown
It occurred to me somewhere in the midst of my misery that they weren’t going anywhere.
They were going to give me a chance.
CHAPTER2
“Ilya got backto us and we have to meet him in person,” Kingston explained as we walked back to the empty building. “It’s urgent, and I don’t know if I fully trust him so we need you there to negotiate.”
“Why did you run away, princess?” Ryker asked, putting his arm around my shoulder. “What made you so upset?”
I almost couldn’t say it. It was so dreadful it felt like if I let it out into the world it would grow legs and take on a life of its own.
But they’d come for me, and from what I could tell, Archer and Valen were just as concerned but they’d stayed back to watch Maksim and Avery.
“It was the video,” I said, and an involuntary shudder raced through my body. Ryker’s arm squeezed me tighter and he kissed the top of my head. Kingston took my hand in his and held me close.
“The video was horrible, I’m not gonna lie,” Kingston said at last. “I almost couldn’t watch it. In fact I had to look away after a couple seconds of it.”
“Because I was cheating on you four,” I wailed, and tears threatened to spill. “I was doing horrible things with my own sister. I’m a disgusting human being, how could you love me?”
Ryker tensed up and Kingston dropped my hand immediately, confirming my worst fears. I bunched up my muscles, preparing to run again, when the craziest thing happened.
Ryker spun me to face him, pulled me close to his chest and wrapped his arms around me. Kingston stood behind me and squished me between their two massive, muscled bodies, filling me with warmth, security and love.
“Why are you sandwiching me?” I asked, my lip threatening to quiver with emotion.
“What I saw was the woman I love being assaulted by a fucking pig,” Ryker said through gritted teeth. “I saw you enduring humiliation because you had no other choice.”
“I saw you keeping yourself alive when a fucking deviant madman tried to destroy you,” Kingston said, the bass from his voice rumbling against my back. “You survived for us, babe. You suffered for us. So you could make it back to us and let us help you.”
“You did whatever you had to in order to survive,” Ryker agreed and kissed the top of my head again. “That’s all I saw, you making your way home to us.”
Their love broke me, but in a good way this time. It didn’t destroy me, like Maksim had done. It broke down the walls I’d been building around my heart since I’d gotten away from Ilya and his sociopathic son.
They didn’t tear them down completely, but they broke through enough that brightness shone through, the light from their love for me incinerated the shadow thoughts that had been growing in the dank darkness.
I wanted to tell them this, but all that squeaked past my lips was a small sigh of disbelief. I’d spent so many years hating myself, filled with self loathing, that I didn’t believe it when they loved me. I didn’t believe them, that they could want a woman such as myself.
If only they knew how horrible I was on the inside, how terrible my thoughts sometimes were, they would despise me more than I did myself.
“Come on, princess,” Ryker said, breaking my silent shock. He brushed a tear off my cheek with the back of his hand and kissed me on the forehead. “We need to get back and then we’re going to show you how much we love you.”
“We’ll spend a lifetime proving it to you,” Kingston said and put his arm around me as we started to walk. We switched positions and I took Ryker’s hand.
In all my tipsiness, I had forgotten where I was and would have been completely lost without them.
I felt sick to my stomach when I thought about how weak I was and how easy it was for me to fall apart when I experienced something stressful and on my own. I needed my Kings, that much was certain, otherwise I was a complete emotional disaster.
We walked slowly, carefully, with me leaning on Ryker and then Kingston and back again. I couldn’t help but worry about what they truly thought, though, because as much as I loved being with them, the chaos inside wouldn’t let me rest.
I still couldn’t believe that such incredible men could love somebody like me.
That was the crux of it all, I had such crippling self loathing that I couldn’t fathom myself having any value.
At least that’s what it felt like now, in the light of day when my spine was straight and I was kicking ass, I could silence the whispers from time to time.
Once we got to the building, everything began to feel like it was making sense again. I felt as if all the millions of cuts that had torn me apart earlier in the night were covering over. They were healing and patching themselves up.
With each step I felt like I was getting stronger and clearer headed. We rode the elevator up to the penthouse, and the moment I stepped out, I was surrounded by all four of them again.
