Page 89 of Her Beast

He hesitated, and then said, “Susan. But I called her Sukey.”

Chapter 18

As Julia buttoned her coat and prepared to follow Malcolm out of the restaurant foyer, she marveled at how much Malcolm had shared with her over the past hour.

Indeed, he’d allowed Julia question after question, seemingly forgetting that he was owed some answers of his own about Lily.

Julia felt a pang of regret that she’d not been pressed to share her experiences with her best friend, even though talking about what she’d done with Lily—and how she felt about her—would have been difficult, not to mention embarrassing.

Still, she was thrilled that he’d opened up about his wife because she suspected it was a subject he did not often speak about.

Susan Barton had been ten years older than Malcolm and they’d barely had three years together before she’d died in the same fire that had left him scarred.

Every word he said about her—and the way he’d said them—made the truth more and more evident: Malcolmstillloved Susan Barton, even though she’d been gone for fifteen years, more than half Julia’s life.

She now saw how he must view her: as nothing more than a child. Julia had been a fool to think he might be interested in her. Or even that he would feel lust for her.

How could he feel anything about you when you barely know each other?

That wasn’t true! Although they’d had so little time together—a week less than they might have had thanks to her childish behavior with the knife that first day—they’d spent hours talking over meals and their card games.

Besides, what was there to know about her? Julia was like a baby animal, unformed and inexperienced, while Malcolm was a man with a lifetime of experience.

Julia was so fascinated by him that she could hardly bear it.

He was bold, fearless, and utterly unconcerned with what anyone else thought about him.

In a way, he reminded her of Lily. Oh, they looked nothing alike, of course, but they were both so secure in who they were, so confident about what they wanted and unapologetic about taking it.

Julia had been heartbroken when her parents had taken her away from school because she had been in love with Lily.

“Love is nothing to be ashamed of,” Lily had said when Julia had confessed her feelings. “And you know I love you, too, Julia.”

But her friend hadn’t beenin lovewith her and Julia had known that.

That knowledge had hurt her at first but she’d finally admitted that getting part of Lily was better than getting none of her.

She felt the same way about Malcolm. Even a little bit of him was better than leaving his house without ever getting close to him.

Julia couldn’t help wondering if her growing feelings for Malcolm meant that she fell in love easily. Or was it neediness she felt rather than love? If so, was that necessarily a bad thing?

Why are you thinking about all this right now? He doesn’t love you and never will. And if you know what is best for you—and Richard—you won’t allow yourself to fall in love withhim,either.

Yes, yes, yes. She knew all that. It was just—

“Why are you scowling?”

Julia glanced up at him as they rode the odd little moving room down to the bottom of the store.

“I wasn’t scowling. In fact, I’m… happy.” That was true; shewashappy, even though sadness simmered not far below. “I enjoyed dinner very much.”

“So did I.” He captured her gaze with his, his face as unreadable as the moon.

Julia startled when the lift door opened, breaking the strange spell.

A man in some sort of uniform opened the doors. “Good evening, sir.”

“Good evening, Parker, this is Miss Smith.”

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