Page 11 of Reckless Liar

Despite the weather cooling into fall, I opted to join Xander on the back deck, drinking beer and sitting silently. That was something I always appreciated about Xander. Silence was peaceful for us. We could sit comfortably quiet for long stretches of time. I didn’t need to entertain him, and he didn’t need to entertain me. We got each other in that way.

Xander tipped his beer back, finishing the dregs. Before he could put it down, I took it from his hand, walking into the kitchen to get two more beers.

When I returned, his eyes were focused on the low tide end of Freedom Bay. I set his beer on the table between us and sat down next to him.

He kept his eyes on the half-buried kayak someone abandoned in the bay a few weeks prior. Reaching up, he scratched his head, his fingers disappearing into his blond curls. For anyone else, they would assume he didn’t want to say anything. But I knew him better than that. He had something weighing on his mind. Scratching his head a few more times, he glanced over at me, his eyes soft. “You’re so good to me. Isn’t it exhausting sometimes?”

“I enjoy helping people, you know that. I always have.”

He stared at me for a moment, opening his mouth, and then closed it. “I don’t think it’s healthy, that’s all. Not that I’m complaining. It’s nice to have someone do the grocery shopping, tell me exactly how much to pay in bills, someone who washes all the towels. But you know I can do that stuff too, right? You don’t have to do things for me.”

“I’m already doing that stuff. Might as well throw in a few things for you, too.”

“I’m talking about more than all that.” He waved his hand around in the air as if that clarified his statement.

“You need to be more specific, Xander.”

“Fuck, An. You know I’m bad at talking about this kind of stuff.”

Ordinarily, I would’ve messed with him, but something about his face stopped me. There was an openness in his eyes I hadn’t seen in a long time. He was never much for eye contact with people, but this time he stared at me, his hazel eyes locking me into his gaze. He sighed heavily and shook his head, slowly looking away. “I really should probably stop talking about this, but it’s built up for so long. I think about telling you this and when I think about how you’ll react—but I’ve had it with trying to keep this in.”

I set my beer down on the table between us. “Dude, you’re freaking me out here.”

“Listen, I’m going to say this once: you can love someone too much.”

I scoffed at him, ready to stand up. His words felt too dangerous to something I didn’t want to admit. “This is a bullshit conversation.”

He grabbed my wrist and tugged it down softly. I considered turning away, but I let him sink me into the chair next to him. His hand was hot on my wrist, burning a path up my arm. “Look, I’ve been building up the courage to say this for months, okay?”

His hand was still on my wrist, gripping me hard enough to have my pulse quicken against his palm. A tingle traveled up my arm at the contact. His touch always did that to me. My voice was a forced roughness. “Okay. So, say it.”

“You can love some too much in the wrong way. Max never loved you the right way.”

“Why are you talking about him like this? He wasyourbest friend. He loved you like a brother.”

Xander leaned forward toward me. “I can talk about him however I want, Ana. You’re right, he was my best friend. He was my first friend. He was the closest thing I had to a brother. But you know what,” He gritted his teeth. “Max was a shitty best friend. He took advantage of every opportunity. He did things...” He shook his head. “Just things you don’t need to know about. How much work did you put into your relationship, Ana? How much should you have been expected to take?”

“What do you know about relationships, Xander? The last girlfriend you had only lasted six months. Max and I were together for eight years.”

“Yeah, and how were those years? Happy? Fulfilling?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You have no right to talk to me about what Max and I had. Despite youalways beingaround, you were not a member of our relationship.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Wasn’t I, Ana?”

We glared at each other for longer than I thought possible. He was the first to look away, grimacing at the floor. “I was there for you through all his shit. Each time you two broke up. Every time he didn’t come home. When the phone rang, and it was Max needing to be picked up from the side of the road. Who came with you? Who drove the car, who called the towing company to get his car out of impound?”

Xander looked at me. “He was my best friend, Ana. But that doesn’t mean he was a good friend.”

“No, that’s not true. I know he had his issues, but...” My throat felt thicker as the words came out. The lies I wanted to tell about Max dying in my throat.

Xander shook his head at me. “No, Ana. You think that becauseyou’regood, because you choose to see the good in others. But sometimes there is none. He did so much to you, to me. And then he leaves. He’s gone. I don’t understand, how can you still have faith in a man who failed you?”

The tears brimmed over, soaking my cheeks. I took hungry gulps of air. He looked grief-stricken, watching me as his words sunk in. Standing up, he pulled me to my feet, wrapping his sturdy arms around me. I sobbed into his shirt, greedy breaths escaping me. Xander rubbed my back as I cried, murmuring for me to stop crying, that it was okay. But I continued. A well bursting inside that had no valve.

He pulled me away from his chest and looked down at me. “Hey now. I got caught up. Please don’t cry. I’m really sorry. I’m tired, okay.”

“No, Xander I get it.” I whispered. “Max could be a hard person to care about sometimes. I’m tired too.”

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