I should’ve known better than to think my mom would let it go. My kiss with Xander at midnight still lingered on my cheek when my mother stopped me. I was about to leave when she pulled me into her bedroom. The door was barely shut before she got to her point.
“Darling, Alexander is a sweet young man. But I’m not sure he’s the right person for you.”
“Who says I’m seeing Xander?” I asked, knowing the crack in my voice gave me away.
She raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m not blind Liliana. You ignore that perfectly nice boy Matt Hansen all night to whisper and laugh with Alexander.”
“First of all, Mom. Matt Hansen is not a nice boy. Trust me. I’m friends with his ex-wife. And second...” I sighed. I couldn’t lie convincingly so I decided to switch tactics. “Why would Xander be so bad to date? Because he was Max’s best friend? Because he doesn’t have a mother who’s a Pearl? Or is it because he doesn’t have a mother? Is it because he grew up poor?”
She frowned at me. “You make me sound so shallow when you ask me that. I’m thinking about you, Liliana. You’re a sensitive girl. After everything Maximilian put you through, I want to see you happy, I want you to have security.”
“Xander is secure. I feel completely safe with him. He’d never do anything to hurt me. I thought you liked him.”
“I do. Your father and I both admire him a great deal. He’s a hard worker, and obviously a loyal friend. I know he has done a good job in helping support you after Maximilian passed away.”
“He did more than help support me. He was my entire support system.” I laughed. “When Max passed, Xander was the only one I could turn to. He was the only one who understood what I was going through. He was the only person I trusted. Mom, I was hurting so much, and the only thing that helped me was turning to someone who cared for Max as much as I did. Max was Xander’s best friend. They were practically brothers. I know how you felt about Max. No offense Mom, but I couldn’t turn to you for support when you spent our entire relationship barely tolerating his presence.”
“Ana.” She sat down on the edge of her bed, sighing loudly. “You think I never had someone like Max? I was young once too. I dated the wrong guy a time or two. I know how appealing someone like Max can be. But if I was cold to him, it’s only because I knew how much you were going to get hurt. I wanted to protect you.”
I sank down next to her. “I know you did.”
“You are so much like your father, always seeing the good in people, wanting to help them. Giving and giving. There were nights your father didn’t come home until late at night because he was treating patients, waving away money. A person like that in the wrong hands…” She looked down at her hands, playing with her wedding band. “It can go so wrong. I worry you’ll be hurt again.”
I grabbed my mother’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Mom, I know you mean well, but you have to trust me to make these decisions myself.”
She sat back, staring out the window. In the daytime it would’ve been a picture of rugged mountains jutting behind Freedom Bay, but at the midnight hour it was a blacked frame. “I worry about you, is all. If he’s your boyfriend now—“
“He’s not.” I interrupted, the words stinging against my tongue. “He’s not my boyfriend, Mom.”
She sighed, casting me an impervious look. “If you say so.”
Thecarridehomewas quiet. I knew I should be thinking about the conversation with my mother. Instead, I kept replaying the moment Xander answered Matt, saying we were friends. Despite the fact I’d been so adamant about taking things slow, and I was so convinced we shouldn’t let anyone know about us, the words stung. I didn’t want to hear him say them.
Once we were inside the apartment, Xander walked to his room and opened his door before he turned to me. “I don’t know what you want to call tonight, but thanks for inviting me. Even if it was just as friends, I had a better time than I thought I would.”
He stared at me, and I willed myself to step toward him. He seemed to sense my reluctance and nodded slightly at me, giving me permission to stay away. He turned away, closing the door behind him. Still gripping my little silver clutch, I walked down the hall into my own room. Slowly I pulled off my dress and hung it carefully back into the closet. I’d need to dry clean it before I gave it back. I kicked off my heels and felt the blood rush back into my toes. I glanced at the door, knowing Xander was only a few steps away from me.
I did my going-to-bed routine slowly, taking my time washing the makeup off my face, applying lotion, brushing my teeth. I pulled on an old concert T-shirt and ratty sweatpants with snowmen on them. I picked up a comb and began to work through my hair. With every stroke of my comb, the words echoed through me.
Just friends.
No big thing.
The way his lips felt against my skin, the pull of his gaze across the room. I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t want Xander anymore. I couldn’t stand next to him and not want to touch him. I was tired of fighting it. I couldn’t hold on to my silly excuses any longer. They seemed trivial against the desire I had for him.
Staring at my reflection I grimaced. My face was scrubbed bare, my hair was fluffy from the vigorous brushing I did. I grabbed some tinted lip balm, sliding that on my lips so they didn’t blend into my skin tone. I patted my hair, trying to tame the frizz. I snagged a cotton nightgown out of the drawer. It was too cold to wear it, but seduction could be a chilly business, I reckoned. I thought about whether I wanted to put on underwear. If I was sleeping, I wouldn’t put anything on under my pajamas, but I wasn’t planning on sleeping. I weighed the options before grabbing the first lacy thing I could find and pulling it on before I could change my mind.
With one last backward glance I walked out my bedroom door on shaky legs. The hallway was completely silent. I could see a crack of light under Xander’s door. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door to his bedroom. He lounged on his bed, reading a book on top of the covers. When the door opened, he sat up straighter, setting his book down next to him. “Ana...”
I climbed on the bed, leaned forward, and put a finger to his lips, silencing him. He watched me as I swung a leg over each side of his hips. Straddling him, I leaned down, inches from his face. “I was thinking about what you said to Matt tonight. I hope you only said that because you thought I wanted you to.”
Beneath my thighs I could feel how strong his legs were. He had taut muscles from hours of manual labor. His shirt had ridden up and I could see the flat expanse of his stomach. It was pale with the lightest trail of gold-blond hair. He furrowed his brow and I leaned closer to him. “The thing is, I don’t want to be your friend.”
“You don’t?” his voice throaty.
I shook my head, “No, I want more.”
“Whatever you want, Ana.” His voice got husky. He kept his hands laid flat on the bed next to him.