Page 87 of Reckless Liar

I helped Scarlett into her lace and satin column dress, the ivory color complimenting her skin perfectly. I buttoned the small pearl buttons along her back, taking care not to snag the lace. She turned toward me with tears in her eyes.

“It’s really happening,” she choked out.

I grasped her hands in mine, my eyes filled with tears. “I know. I’m so happy for you. Emma is so lucky to have you.” I grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and dabbed beneath her eyes. “Now stop crying. You’ll smear the masterpiece that is your face.”

She laughed. “If I’m already crying now, I’m going to be a mess during the ceremony.” She took the tissue from my hand and stuffed it into her bra. “I’m going to need this later.”

“A beautiful mess, the both of you.” I handed the birdcage veil to her mom who had Scarlett duck to secure it in her hair with small pearl-adorned pins. Scarlett and Emma’s dresses were opposites in style but they got the same veil to wear during the ceremony.

Scarlett stood up slowly and faced us. “How do I look?” she whispered.

Scarlett’s mom and I glanced at each other both our hands over our faces. “Oh darling, you are so beautiful...” she sobbed out the last word.

I stood back as they embraced. I wondered if I’d ever have this moment with my own mom. If I’d ever find someone who I could be this happy with.

I couldn’t help but remember how many times I thought I’d have this with Max. In my fledgling dreams, I imagined the dress, the ceremony, the way I’d cry so prettily. I imagined the sappy county song we’d dance to—and everything would be perfect. I could imagine the perfection of the night and then I could picture exactly how the perfection would fade. As much as I could imagine the wedding, I could never fathom amarriageto Max.

In the days before our breakup, there was one perfect afternoon. Xander had brought home my favorite ice cream from the store. We sat on the couch, and he let me watch the teenage fantasy series I’d become obsessed with. I could still feel his hand on my ankle, the way his fingers vanished into his hair as he rested his head on his hand while watching the show. I could still taste the mint and chocolate on my tongue.

I closed my eyes as tears threatened to appear. I willed them away as I scored my thumbnail up the side of my pointer finger. By the third scrape I could open my eyes. Scarlett was looking over at me, her brows furrowed.

“You doing, okay?” she asked softly.

I tensed my jaw in the best smile I could muster. “Of course. It’s your big day, I’m great.” I glanced out the window overlooking the beach. I could see the event planning crew moving things around, placing flowers, chairs, and various tables around the area. Pam was marching after people with her clipboard in hand, pointing at different things with force.

“You sure? We can still switch the walking order if you...”

“We probably need to get down there. We don’t want Pam looking for us.” I turned away from her, grabbing my shawl off the bed and draping it over my shoulders as I hurried down the stairs.

I got to the back door before Xander. Dulcie and Troy were already standing together, her arm laced through his and their heads tilted toward each other in new familiarity. I wondered what they got up to last night. Dulcie wore the same dress as me, but on her, it draped over her lithe frame like she was a mannequin. Suddenly, my dress felt too tight around the hips and too long around my ankles. Her long curly hair was pinned up in a style that looked intricate. I touched my own hair and worried my curls were falling out.

I felt him stand behind me before I heard him. Having him near felt like being near a live electric current. I didn’t turn to face him right away. I was still embarrassed and unsure after last night. Standing still, I stared out the back door and fiddled with my lush bouquet of lilies of the valley, violets, and multicolored roses. I pulled the small pin out of the ribbon wrapped around the flower stems, pulling it up and down, up and down, up and down. The last time I pushed it down I felt the tip poke out of the bottom of the ribbon, jabbing me in the finger. I jumped at the pain and dropped my bouquet. A hand flew out to catch the flowers as they hit the ground. I glanced up at Xander next to me, the bouquet in his hand. “Thanks,” I mumbled, taking it from him.

He nodded at me. I didn’t want to look at him, but I couldn’t help it. The last time I saw him in a suit was the night of our senior prom. Back then he was still gangly, his face dotted with acne, and his facial hair came in patchy. He wasn’t the same person today as he was then. He filled out his suit beautifully, with broad shoulders and muscular arms. As much as I missed his long curls, he looked older with his newly shorn hair. He was a man now.

How different would our lives have been if I’d leaned in that night in his truck? I knew what that kiss would’ve meant. If only I’d waited one minute longer if I had turned to him and really looked at him. Staring at him now, I was struck by the heartache I could’ve been spared if only I let myself see what had always been there. If I’d let myself see and feel the love I had for Xander in that moment when his lips brushed against mine.

Pam came rushing up to us, clapping her hands like a schoolmarm on too much coffee. Xander put out his arm and I laced mine through his. I took a deep breath and fought to ignore the hard thud of my heart and the pain knowing I may never be this close to him again.

I barely heard the ceremony. I did all the right things. I handed the ring over when I was supposed to. I took Scarlett’s calla lilies when they clasped their hands to recite their vows. I teared up when Scarlett did, but I wasn’t sure if it was happiness for her or my own heartache.

Holding both the bouquets in my hands, I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes. A stem from my bouquet got caught in my hair and pulled a curl out of my updo. I shook the hair out of my face and tried to ignore the welling tears. At the end of the ceremony, I felt Xander touching my elbow and I realized I was supposed to put my arm through his. I considered not doing it. It was acutely painful to touch him and know this was all I’d ever get from him. But formalities must be maintained. I laced my arm through the crook of his elbow but tried to keep my distance as best I could. The aisle felt impossibly long with him next to me. When we got to the end, I stepped aside to allow for Dulcie and Troy to come in behind us.

I could feel Xander’s eyes on me, and the heat of his presence flowing through me. I worked to ignore it. His hand reached up and grasped the lock of hair the bouquet pulled from my updo and tucked it behind my ear. It was such a familiar gesture and so like what he did the night before when he rejected me. I brushed his hand away, tucking the hair behind my ear myself. “Don’t.”

His hand dropped between us as if I’d burned him. He stepped back and his face was grim.

Dulcie and Troy stepped beside us, laughing at some inside joke they’d created in the short time they’d walked down the aisle. They didn’t drop their embrace as they stepped to the side but when they saw me and Xander their smiles wavered. But it wasn’t long before they were standing close together again, speaking in hushed voices and laughing.

I avoided Xander’s eyes until I counted to thirty, and he stalked away toward the party.

Emma and Scarlett twirled around the dance floor to a love song. I grasped my champagne glass and watched from the side next to my parents. My father had deserted me and my mother in search of canapes. At the next table over, I could see the price tag stuck on the bottom of Emma’s aunt’s jeweled sandal. I turned my head to try to read it. Fifty percent off 34.99 from TJ Maxx. I laughed wondering what Scarlett would think about marrying into a family that purchased shoes from a bargain basement store.

“Scarlett looks lovely.” My mother’s comment ripped me away from my musings on sandal prices.

I nodded at my mother. “She does.”

“She looks happy. I’m sure Miriam is pleased, even if she might not have grandchildren.”

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