Page 24 of The One You Chose

An hour later, fully sated after three orgasms, I rolled over onto my side, propped up by my elbow. Beside me, Fitz had his arm over his head, his eyes closed and a blissed out look on his face. I bent down and pressed a kiss to his lips before getting up to use the bathroom.

He had one of those mirrors with the medicine cabinet behind it. Being a little snoopy wasn’t a polite thing to do, but he was just balls deep inside me, so I figured I could poke around a little. There was a tube of deodorant, a bottle of pain reliever, and a half full box of bandages with a tube of antibiotic ointment in it. Surprisingly boring stuff.

Coming out, I veered to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. It was a small place. From my spot at the counter, I could see through the open doorway to the foot of his bed. He hadn’t put curtains up yet and the late afternoon light trickled through the living room window. Faint shadows cast against the blank white walls and his television. I could hear the low sound of a car driving down the street and the thrumming bass of the stereo as it passed.

Setting the glass of water down on the counter, I glanced around his place. He hadn’t seemed to make much progress in unpacking, but it had only been a few weeks in his new place. My scarf was hanging off the edge of the table, from where I had tossed it an hour before. Walking over, I grabbed the scarf to fold it. Underneath was a blue and yellow lanyard with Port Madison Humane Society printed on it. I picked up the lanyard. On the end was an ID badge with the name Jeremiah F. Deir on it.

The plastic badge was cold in my hand as I read then reread the name, trying to figure out how Fitz’s picture could be on this badge. It didn’t make any sense, he couldn’t be the same guy. He wouldn’t do that to me, would he? Tightening my grip until the edges scored my palm, I realized I didn’t know Fitz at all. In a shaky voice, I called out. “Fitz. Come here.”

Stepping out of the bedroom with only his boxers on, Fitz glanced from my face to the lanyard in my hand. “Give me a minute to explain,” he said. “It’s not what it looks like.”

My voice was low and quiet. “I don’t understand. Why does it say Jeremiah Deir on here?”

His jaw tightened, and he gave a long sigh. “Because that’s my name.”

“So you lied to me. You told me your name is Fitz, but it’sJeremiah. Jeremiah?”I enunciated each part of his first name as if it were a curse.

“Yeah,JeremiahFitzgeraldDeir.”

My brow raised as I stared at him, a red fury behind my eyes. “Did you know?”

He gulped. I didn’t need to finish the question. “I just realized a week ago. When told me your name.”

“We’ve been talking for weeks and you didn’t think to mention that you are the guy I slept with? You didn’t think to mention that before we slept togetheragain?Was that a joke to you? Am I? You may sleep with a ton of anonymous women butI don’t do that.”

“I don’t either.” Fitz put his hands up in surrender. “I swear. When you first emailed me, I had no way of knowing that you were the same person. Your email starts with an E. It wasn’t until you told me your name that the pieces clicked together. I was trying to figure out a way to tell you, but everything I thought of felt wrong. And I tried to tell you at the restaurant, but then I kissed you and it was like my head stopped working. All I could think about was being with you again.”

“I can’t believe you. There is no way I could believe another word that comes out of your mouth.” I paced between the table and the counter, the lanyard still clenched painfully in my hand. “Here I was thinking what we had was special, that it was fate that brought us back together tonight, but now, I don’t believe in anything.”

I turned to walk away, and Fitz caught my upper arm, holding me still. “Please, give me another chance. It was a stupid miscommunication.”

Shaking him off, I glared. “It was a miscommunication a week ago. Now it’s deception. I told you; I don’t like liars. Let go of me.”

He dropped my arm and I stalked away. Grabbing my clothes, I pulled on only what was necessary and carried the rest in my arms.

As I dressed, he pleaded with me. “Lina, I never meant to lie to you. I’m shit at talking to people. Awkward conversations are my worst nightmare. I had no idea how to bring it up, but I never meant to deceive you. Please, stop so I can explain.”

“The moment I gave you my full name you should have told me the truth. Not let this drag on for days. A week. Not let me make a fool of myself...”

“You never were foolish.”

“I don’t want to hear another word.”

“You never told me your full name. I never told you mine. We both got caught up. Please, I need you to stay. Since the first time I saw you, all I wanted was to get to know you. Please don’t leave like this.”

Shaking my head, I squinched my eyes shut. He could see me gulping for air. “I needed you too. For weeks, I needed so desperately to believe that what we had was special, but now? Your lies? You’ve shattered me.”

I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked out the door. Waiting until the door slammed behind me, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want him to chase after me or hear his explanations. The thunder of being played the fool arced through my body. How could I have believed that fate had brought us together when all it seemed to do was tear me apart?

sixteen

Among the Missing

Lina

Iwokeupthenext morning with the email in my inbox. I deleted it without looking further than the subject line. Even after putting my phone down, I could see his name. The F in his address. All the facts he sprinkled through our correspondence. Every time that he told me exactly who he was and I was too blind to see it.

Laying my hands over my sternum I pressed into myself, urging the ache to recede. When I thought of Fitz, it was as if my chest was cracking open. That first night together it was as if a part of me had unlocked. I wanted more. I needed more. And now all I had was the desolation of being without.

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