Page 120 of Heartbeat

Something Other Than Pain

The only sound I could hear was that of my own breathing as I watched the water rippling outwards and tried to stay afloat. The thickest fog surrounded me, which made it impossible to discern exactly where I was. I turned around, trying to figure out which direction to swim toward, but there was no point. I could barely see one foot ahead, let alone the shore. My face was freezing, yet the water wasn’t cold at all. It was warm, inviting even. I thought about calling out; I thought about going under, but somehow, I knew I had to stay put. After what seemed like hours, something grabbed me by the ankle and tried to pull me down. As I fought against it, desperately flapping my arms and kicking my legs, Liam’s voice echoed from above. A ghastly shriek that felt like it would penetrate my skin. “Tommy! TOMMY!”

I opened my eyes and saw Ethan moving his lips. It took a few seconds before I could hear his voice or realize he had his hands on my forearms, holding them as I pressed my hands against my ears as hard as I could.

“Tom!” he pleaded. “You’re all right. You’re all right, Tom!”

It appeared there was very little I could control at that moment. I couldn’t speak nor stop my entire body from shaking.

“Are you awake?” he asked. “Babe?”

I nodded, still able to feel the water on my skin. “S-sorry.”

He had the tightest grip on me, which he refused to let lessen. Instead, he fell to his side, pulling me with him, and quickly wrapped both arms around me while resting his mouth against my temple.

I clutched his skin, begging for it to envelop me. “I’m s-sorry.”

He didn’t ask what it was I’d dreamed about. He didn’t freak out. He just repeated the same sentence, over and over again, for as long as it took for me to stop shaking. “I got you. I got you. I got you.”

When I woke up, he wasn’t there. I looked at the nightstand, spotting his phone and keys where he’d left them the night before, and it was only then I reminded myself I had to breathe.

“Morning, beautiful,” he said, walking in my room holding two cups of coffee.

I sat up, putting my hair back, and smiled, noticing he wore my Snowmine T-shirt and how much better it looked on him.

He came over to the bed, sat on his heel, and handed me my coffee before taking a sip from his own.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked me.

“About that—”

“If you’re going to apologize, you should know the seven-hundredth time was really when I truly forgave you.” He smirked.

“I dunno what else to say.” I looked down at my coffee mug, the liquid still swirling, counterclockwise.

“You don’t have to say anything, babe. Not if you don’t want to.”

Part of me was so relieved he didn’t ask about the dream, yet it felt weird not having him know it.

“I, uh—today’s not—”

“It’s okay. Noah told me.”

“What?” I didn’t know what was weirder. Noah becoming friends with Ethan or him telling Ethan about that day.

“This morning, before heading off to go meet Kim. He told me what today is.”

“Oh.”

“Do you—do you want to be alone today?” he asked carefully.

“Yes. But, with you.” I didn’t know why I couldn’t look him in the eye, saying that.

“And, uh—what can I do?” He turned and sat next to me, with his back against the headboard.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to ignore what day it is or maybe…talk about it?”

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