Page 59 of Heartbeat

“He did?” she asked, grinning.

“Uh-huh.”

“Did he also give you that?” she asked, eyes fixed on the pink box I’d placed next to me, on the middle of the couch.

“Cookie,” I said, taking a drag. “Inside joke.”

“Did you say yes?”

“I can’t say no.”

“What do you mean you can’t say no?”

“I mean I can’t say no. I can’t say no to this guy; I’ve tried. I mean, I want to. I want to say no. I simply cannot.”

“Why?”

“I get distracted.”

He’s so distracting.

“Why would you want to say no to him?”

“I just don’t think this should be happening.”

“This?”

“Yes, this. Whatever this is. I don’t think it’s a good idea, yet I can’t bring myself to stop it.”

“Why isn’t it a good idea?”

“Because I barely know the guy. He certainly has no clue what he’s getting himself into— I just wish I could prevent it from happening. But I can’t focus—”

“Well, I think you’re wrong. I think this is exactly what you need.”

“Starting something right after trying to commit suicide is what I need?”

“Starting something. Yes.”

“Well, I’m blaming you for this.”

“Why me?”

“‘Be open, Thomas.’” I made air quotes, mocking her.

She laughed. “I truly think this is a good thing. Same as with your friend, Jonas.”

“I’m still blaming you,” I said bitterly.

“Then you’re really going to hate what I have to say next.”

I didn’t say anything, just frowned.

“Let him in.”

“Jonas?”

“You know better.” She adapted, of-fucking-course.

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