Page 23 of Heartbeat

“You’re asking me to name a feeling in hindsight. I can’t do that. It’s different now.”

“I don’t think it is,” she said, shaking her head and adjusting herself in her seat. “Why would you think it might be?”

“Because it is. I know better, now.”

“It’s a simple enough question, Thomas.”

I was dangerously close to falling victim to The Stare again. So I preemptively folded. “No, I don’t think it was love. Not real love.”

“Was she also familiar, easy to talk to, and smelled nice?”

Dr. Foster looked so pleased with herself, it was borderline revolting.

“Look—”

“Let me guess,” she said, raising a hand. “It doesn’t matter?”

Fuck me, I hate this woman.

“Thomas?”

“Alicia?” I replied in the exact same tone.

“Would you be okay to find yourself attracted to another boy?”

“What?” I asked, a bit insulted.

“How would you feel about it?”

“Hypothetically?” I asked, to which she tipped her head, nodding. “I’d be fine with it, why not?”

“And if it were that boy? The one who gave you that jacket? Would that be okay, too?”

“Look, I know I’m attracted to him, that’s not the issue here.”

“It isn’t?”

“No. It’s not.”

“What is the issue?”

“I don’t know why I am. Or how, for that matter.”

“Why do you think?”

“It—”

“—doesn’t matter,” she said. “Right.”

“Well—”

“Are you seeing him again?”

“No. I mean, we do go to the same school; we share a few classes, and I do have to return his jacket—”

“So, yes?”

“He also invited me to this party tomorrow night.”

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