Page 69 of Surprised By Love

“Oh, that makes sense.”

He grins and tosses me a dish towel. “You okay with drying?”

I grab the light blue towel that matches the pops of colour in his neutral colored kitchen. He washes the dish and puts it in the clear water for me to take and dry.

We do this in silence for a few minutes before I bite the bullet and ask, “I saw the picture of Christine in your living room. She’s beautiful.” The picture was of the three of them, Emily in his arms. It looked like it could have been a family Christmas photo. They were all in red and white tops with jeans. She’s stunning, with long blonde hair and what looked to be flawless skin. She’s tall and looks to be almost the same height as Josh.

They looked happy, and it breaks my heart to know he lost her so early in their marriage and my heart goes out to the kids. Jake will never know his mom, and who knows how many memories Emily has. She was so young when her mother passed.

He stops with a dish in his hand halfway into the sudsy water. I debated asking him about her, but I’m curious and I need to know more before I let my heart get too invested in him.

“Yes. She was.” He pulls out the dish and scrubs it with the dishcloth. I can’t tell if it’s a rough scrub because he’s angry I said something or if there is some dried pasta sauce on it.

“You must miss her so much. Tell me more about her.” I gauge his reaction. His lip curls up in a soft smile.

He doesn’t look at me, but he continues to wash the dishes as he talks. “I married my high school girlfriend. We were together for five years, then got married. When we started talking about having kids, she wanted to stay in Mississauga to be close to her parents. We had Emily, then got pregnant with Jake, and when he was born, there were some complications. She died on the operating table. She only had a few seconds to hold him.”

“I’m so sorry.” I place my hand on his shoulder, and he turns his face to me. “Thank you.”

He turns back to the dishes and continues. “At first, I was hurt and in so much pain. I couldn’t believe what had happened. How could it happen? Why did it happen? Could we have done anything differently? Then I became angry. How could she leave us? How could the doctors let her die? After a while, I decided I had to make a change. I had to do something. I couldn’t let the grief and anger run my life.”

He pauses for a beat, then continues. “Here I had these two amazing kids that were a part of us. The best parts of us. Emily looks like her mother and Jake’s a mini me. I moved here to be near my family. They were the best help I could ever have asked for. They still are. Now my parents are retired, my mom comes by, watches the kids when I have to go to work. They take them every other Friday so I can go out with the guys, date or take the day off to rest and recoup. I couldn’t have survived without them.”

I’m quiet for a bit, drying the dish in my hand, not knowing if I should ask about him dating. I already know the answer based on what my sisters have said, but I needed to hear it from him and since he mentioned dating, I figured why not? “Have you dated a lot?” I ask, as I place the dry dish in the cupboard.

He laughs uncomfortably. “I’ve dated some, nothing serious. There’s been no one I could see to fill that space. My mom keeps telling me I’ll never find anyone if I keep comparing them to her. She thinks it’s what I’m doing and I might admit I did it some, but I realize no one can be her. I need to find someone who can fit in and not take over if that makes sense.”

He looks at me and an honest smile spreads across his face. “She was amazing. She’d want me to be happy, to laugh again, find love again. I haven’t been that luckyyet.”

He emphasizes the word yet. I’m not sure if I should read into it or not. We’ve only been on one date. I’m sure he’s not thinking of me in that role. Although it would be amazing.

“It makes perfect sense. I’m not sure I feel the same way about Derek.” I decide now is as good a time as any to tell him everything.

“I woke up one morning to banging outside. When I looked out my window, I saw a guy pounding a for sale sign in our front yard. I called Derek right away, and he said, ‘Listen, Sam, you need to move on. It’s about time.’He had told me we could stay as long as we wanted. But he said things changed. His voice softened when he said, Abby and I, well, there is no easy way to put this. We’re expecting. She’s due in February.I was so angry.”

“I told himI didn’t understand. I thought he didn’t want any more children. He didn’t even want Amelia. I had to talk him into letting me have her. I was so mad. I wanted another child when Amelia was three and he said no way in hell. He reminded me he didn’t even want children and I should be happy that he let me have her.”

“He said things changed. That I needed to move out as soon as possible. I couldn’t believe he was doing that to us. To his daughter. I asked him where he expected us to go. He told me I had sisters, that he was sure I could go stay with them, and I could. That wasn’t the point. When I asked him, didn’t he want us to stay here so he could be near your daughter? You know what he said?”

Josh shakes his head, and I look down to see him wringing the towel in his hands.

“He said and I quote,Of course I do, but I’m going to be quite busy for the next few months. When I’m not working, I’ll be helping get the nursery ready and the baby will be here in no time.I remember the heat rising to my face, I shouted, Too busy to see Amelia? Okay, um, you know what, you take care of your new family. I’ll take care of Amelia myself.”

“I’d had enough at that point and hung up on him. I packed our stuff and was out of the house two days later. He also signed over his rights to Amelia.”

Josh’s hands stop. “He did?” His face reddens and clenches the towel in his fist. I see the anger roll across his face. “How can any man give away the rights to his child? I’ll never understand how someone can do that.”

I shrug. “Yeah, well, he never wanted children to start with. Which I find funny now since his new wife is expecting.”

Josh shakes his head. “I’m so sorry for what he’s put not only you, but Amelia, through.” He places a hand on my hip. “You deserve so much better. You are an amazing mom, Sam. Amelia is lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, but I’m the lucky one. She’s an awesome kid.”

“I don’t want to pry, but did you get a settlement with your divorce or some sort of compensation for Amelia? Something to help you raise her until you get back on your feet?”

I smile. It’s nice to feel like I have someone who cares other than my sisters. “Yes. It was part of the agreement. I have enough to live on comfortably for the next few years. I have some set aside, so if I want to pursue my own dreams, I don’t have to get a loan or borrow money for a down payment on a place.”

He nods and drops his hand from my hip. I miss the warmth of his hand instantly. “That’s great. I’m glad you’re taken care of. Are you planning to stay with your sister, or will you be looking for your own place?”

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