Page 65 of Grinch Girl

Indeed. But as Bella had pointed out in the lake, I was an idiot.

Bella pulled two wineglasses from a kitchen cabinet, and I uncorked the bottle. I threw chips in bowls while Bella sliced some cheese and arranged it on a plate with crackers.

Then we sat down at the same table where Greta had confessed her diagnosis to me all those years ago. I picked up a cracker and played with it.

“I’m just going to start talking,” Bella said abruptly. “There’s so much important stuff between us, Jane. We’ve been angry with one another for so long, I don’t know where to begin or how to do this. So let me get it out.”

I put the cracker back on the plate and took a gulp of wine instead. “OK.”

Her lips trembled. “I’ve been going through paperwork in Greta’s office. Credit card statements. Health insurance claims. Summaries from medical visits.”

Her eyes filled, and she took a deep breath through her nose. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I didn’t know. I had no idea she had cancer my freshmen year of college. I had no idea she’d been so sick for the last couple of years.”

The tears spilled down her cheeks, and she swiped at them with impatient fingers. “It was wrong of her not to tell me,” she whispered. “I’m trying not to be mad at her, but I’m hurt and confused.”

She swallowed hard. “I finally understand why you’ve been so furious with me all this time, though. There were no bills for in-home nursing help. No credit card charges for Uber for all of the doctor’s appointments and different kinds of therapy, and she couldn’t have driven herself.”

Tentatively, she reached over to my free hand, but instead of squeezing it, she withdrew her own to her lap. “You took care of her. All this time. You must have thought I was a monster for not being here. That’s why you called me selfish when we fought last week. But I swear to God, Jane, I truly didn’t know.”

Her self-loathing made my blood curdle. It wasn’t her fault, and it was time for me to talk now.

“I knew she didn’t tell you,” I admitted. “I didn’t necessarily agree with her, but it was her private medical information, and I respected her right to share or not share.”

Bella’s wet eyes grew wider and more confused.

“She was just so damn proud of you, Bells,” I tried to explain. “At first of your engineering scholarship. Then of your big career and everything you were creating and working toward.”

I sighed and took another gulp of wine. “She loved this town, but she knew there weren’t opportunities for you here. She knew you deserved the top-tier education, that you’d make the most of it. She spoke to anyone who would listen about your consulting job. Then about how you were designing a software product all on your own.”

More tears dripped down Bella’s face. “She shouldn’t have made that decision for me. I should have been here, helping you both.”

To hell with it. I reached over and squeezed her trembling hand. “It would have made her miserable if you gave up your life to take care of her.” How could I explain this better? “You living your dream—thatwas Greta’s dream.”

Bella nodded slowly, a familiar kind of wearied resignation on her face. An uneasy trickle of guilt slithered down my spine. I’d been jealous of Bella for so many years for getting out of here and living a bigger life, but I’d never considered that carrying the weight of others’ dreams was not easy.

“What about what you gave up though?” She squinted at me. “That wasn’t fair of her to ask that of you.”

“Maybe not,” I said. “But I didn’t have the same starting place. You had a real shot because of your scholarship. My path would have been much harder.”

I thought back to that kitchen table conversation with Greta—and what had happened earlier that same evening. “I didn’t only stay for Greta. Kelly needed me too.”

“You said something about that in the shop.” Bella’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me, Jane? I would have tried to help!”

My cheeks burned. “I was embarrassed,” I whispered. “You and Greta had done so much for us already. I was so embarrassed that Kelly couldn’t pull it together. That I couldn’tmakeher pull it together.”

Get even deeper. Get to the core.“This wasn’t long after your mom didn’t invite us to her wedding. Because we were so trashy. I was afraid—” I swallowed over a lump of old humiliation. “I was afraid if I told you about it, you’d start to see me that way too.”

Bella’s mouth dropped open and her eyes blazed. “Why would you think that about me? I never would have thought less of you if I knew Kelly was having trouble! You were my best friend! My sister! Do you know how much I’ve missed you?”

A tiny spark of leftover anger ignited in spite of the sodden emotion coursing through my veins. “Then why did you never come visit me, Bella?” I waved my hands dramatically. “I’ve been here the entire time.”

Her eyes flared. “I invited you to come on trips with me and Greta! For years, I asked—you always said no.”

More heat flamed on my cheeks as I stared down at the table. “I couldn’t afford those trips.”

“I wanted to pay for you like I paid for Greta!” she yelled. “I told you that!”

“I didn’t want your money!” I yelled back. “I’m not your grandmother, and I’m not a charity case!”

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