Page 35 of The Wrong Sister

It’s the season opener and I’m down by the fence line, watching the pregame haka. I like the energy of home football games, but I’m not in the stands because, ya know, no friends. Auntie and Uncle went to Kahuku though, so I’m intending to sit with the family once they stop talking story by the concessions. I’m watching the guys looking fierce and all kinds of hot when Ikaika’s eyes lock on mine. We’ve gone to school together for years but he’s never once acknowledged my existence. But now? He’s staring. At me. He’s tall and built and his game face says he’s not to be messed with. He turns, performing as one with the rest of the team, but keeps looking back at me.

The game was exciting, but the part that gave me butterflies was the number of times his eyes found mine in the stands. I got a thrill with every glance. After the game, the family socializes and I wander the outskirts. Fordham is a sophomore this year and Simon is a freshman. They’re recapping every part of the game, desperate to join the team. I need a break from their enthusiasm. I experienced the game in real-time, I don’t need every second rehashed. Instead, I walk and people watch.

The crowds are thinning out and players are starting to file out of the locker room. I walk to the parking lot, ready to leave, but can’t find our car. I don’t see Auntie and Uncle’s either. The line of vehicles exiting out onto the highway is dwindling and it becomes clear that I was left. They’ll likely get home and realize I’m not in either car, but until then, I’m stuck. It’s 25 minutes back to Ka‘a‘awa. I can’t walk. I’ve called, but both parents have this fun feature where they don’t get any notifications while they’re driving. Safety first. I’m considering texting my brothers. It’s 50/50 as to whether or not they’d relay my message, but at least I could say I tried. I’m standing in the parking lot, alone, cell phone in hand, considering my options when I hear a deep voice behind me.

“It’s Mina, ya?” I turn and there he is. Ikaika. Black hair wet from a shower. Bag slung over his shoulder. T-shirt clinging to his muscles. I nod, shocked he knows my name. “Someone ditch you?”

“Yep. And they’re not answering their phones. Looks like I’m hanging out here for the next hour or more.”

“Hmm.” He steps close enough that his freshly showered scent fills my nose. He smells really good. “Or I can take you.”

My stomach fills with butterflies. “I’m all the way down in Ka‘a‘awa.”

He shrugs his broad shoulders. “That means we have more time together.”

How is a girl supposed to say no to that? He gestures towards his truck and I follow him. His truck smells like him and my body is on high alert. I’m alone, in a small enclosed space, with Ikaika! We talk on the ride. He asks intelligent questions and it’s surprisingly comfortable. He gets to the end of my road and I tell him to stop before turning. I explain it’s a pain to turn around on our narrow dead-end street. That’s true, but it’s honestly that I don’t want my brothers to see him. Ikaika dropping me off will turn into a whole thing for them and I’ll be invisible, as usual. I want something that’s only mine.

I hop out and I hear his door close too. He comes around to the passenger side, his movements slow and sensual, and steps right up to me, his body almost touching mine. I tip my face up to look at him, towering over me. His broad nose tilts down towards me, the curve of his lips predatory, and then they’re on mine. Ikaika Kapule is kissing me! It’s a good kiss. A really, really, really good kiss. His big hands are in my hair and his body is pressed against me and holy shit, that is not a banana in his pocket! Did I seriously turn him on? Me? He rubs against me once and groans.

“I need to go home, but I don’t want to.” I nod, feeling a little light-headed. “Mina, I’m not supposed to date during football season. Coach and my parents don’t want me to lose focus. I want more with you though. Could I see you again?” I nod eagerly, my lips still tingling from the kiss. “And could we keep it between us?”

Like a moron, I agree. I find reasons to watch football practice. I go to all the games and hang out, alone, until he can give me a ride home. All the sneaking around is kind of hot. We don’t go on real dates because he’s the quarterback, people would recognize him, and I don’t want to blow his cover. We meet in the dark, always in the dark. He might nod at me or smile at school, but no more than he does with anyone else. I’m good at keeping secrets.

My first time is in our old treehouse. We’ve been messing around, pushing the line, for months now. It feels like the obvious next step. His body is incredible and I’m high on the thought that it’s mine to experience. Except it isn’t all the fireworks I was expecting. There’s a lot of grasping and sloppy kisses. He stretches me to the point of hurting. It doesn’t feel like my body was ready yet. He was impatient and didn't do much to get me there. I thought this was supposed to feel good. Catherine’s books always mention heat and throbbing and fireworks but I don’t get anything close to that. He’s thrusting in and out, grunting, and then it’s over. He gasps, rolling off of me, and sighing happily. Was that it? Maybe it takes practice. I was probably supposed to tell him what I needed. Next time will be better, I’m sure of it.

Except there isn’t a next time. I see him at school and he looks right past me. He has Pua on his arm. I hear through the grapevine that he’s been pursuing her since school started and she finally relented. All that talk about needing to keep it secret was bullshit. It wasn’t about football, it was that he didn’t want anyone to know he was seeing the haole girl. I don’t know if he ghosted me after we had sex because that was his end goal or if that just happened to coincide with finally getting the girl he truly wanted. Either way, I’m the sucker, the second-choice reject. And I have no one to blame but myself.

* * *

I tell Auntie the bare bones of the story. The hiding, the secrets, the shame. Her eyes soften, but there’s no pity there. Auntie doesn’t do pity. She brings out some mochi, letting me pick first. That’s love right there.

“How do you feel, Mina?”

“Ashamed. Embarrassed. Stupid.”

“You don’t feel angry?”

“I’m humiliated! I feel dirty! I want to hide!”

Her mouth straightens into a hard frown. She grabs the plate of mochi, yanking it back to her side of the table.

“You know what you should feel? Pissed! You’re Huhu! You’re manawahine! Where’s the fire, Mina? Where’s the anger? That little fucker took advantage of you! He treated you like a dirty secret! Are you a dirty secret, Mina?”

I shake my head no but she glares. “No,” I say out loud.

“No? Are you sure?”

I take a deep breath, thinking about what she said. “I’m not a fucking dirty secret,” I growl out through gritted teeth.

“Of course, you’re not! You, my girl, are a force to be reckoned with! You were forged by fire. You don’t slink down the road crying. You don’t get dropped off down the street, out of sight. If a kane isn’t willing to walk with his head held high, proud to be beside you, then you walk away, Huhu! Do you hear me?” Her eyes are blazing and her shoulders are pushed back. She looks powerful. Fierce. Inspiring. “YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! Youdeservemore than that.”

I’m crying again, but it feels different this time. It’s cleansing. Auntie gives me more mochi and we talk about my college plans. I wash my face free of makeup and walk back home with my head held high. By the time I’m back in my room I feel lighter, stronger, and a plan has formed in my mind.

The next day at school I walk right up to Pua. She’s standing in a half-circle of all the most popular girls and guys, Ikaika’s arms around her waist. She’s not a mean girl and I don’t want to hurt her. I’m concerned about how Ikaika is going to treat her, though. I think she had the good sense to put him off and his charm and good looks wore her down. She’s stronger than I was. Her expression is one of curiosity and Ikaika’s eyes are wide, worried.

“Pua, I admire you. You have a lot of integrity. I’m sure you had good reason to avoid dating Ikaika all this time and I feel like I need to do the right thing and tell you to trust your instincts. He’s a liar. He won’t be careful with your heart.” He inhales sharply and everyone is looking at him. “Oh, and the sex will be over in a couple of minutes without you even getting an orgasm. I think you deserve better. I know I did.”

I turn and march away, the sound of the other guys howling laughter ringing in the hallway. I heard Pua broke up with him after that. Not because of me in particular but because he had been lying to her and I was right, she was better than that.

---