Page 62 of The Wrong Sister

He continues to look at me for another minute and then he nods. “You need time. I get that.”

I rest my elbows on my knees, letting my head drop down. I’m so fucking tired, from my brain down into my bones. Raff puts his hand on the back of my head, a role reversal from our teen years. Now he’s giving me his calm, sitting with me while I struggle. Being with my brother, his breathing slow and deep, the weight of his hand pressing on my head, I’m able to still the cauldron bubbling inside my skull. I know what is there and what needs to be dealt with. He was right, I merely needed time to let everything settle. Time to sift through my thoughts and feelings. Time to create some order from the chaos. I straighten up, giving him the only smile I can manage and he nods again.

“I’ll go to Mina.” Raff pats my shoulder and leaves.

I get dressed, my mind organizing everything into neat, manageable columns. For the first time in my life, I see the pattern. Once again, I did what I was told—following directions and meeting expectations, without ever considering what I actually wanted. Mina told me to leave and I left. She wasn’t fair to me, but I didn’t even fight for it! What I wanted didn’t come into it, at all. Except now I know exactly what I want. And I’m done letting anyone else tell me what that is supposed to be.

I’m going home. I need to go back to the beginning, back to when I first allowed everything to get so far out of my control that I’ve spent my entire life bent under the weight of everyone else’s plans for me but my own. I don’t think I can step forward until I let some of it go.

The drive across the island is barely on my radar. I’m driving, but my mind is otherwise engaged. The Ko‘olaus pass by while I’m considering how quickly Mina went from professing love to cursing me out her door. Kaneohe Bay is merely a stretch of blue out my window as I think about what my response would have been if I had been given the chance to share it. Chinaman’s Hat is there and gone while I admit to myself that my prevailing emotion is currently anger. That’s unexpected. I park in front of my parents’ house and let myself in, finding the Brookners there as well.

“Griffy!” Mom calls out. “Come join us!”

They’re all standing around our kitchen island, drinks in hand and puu-puus on the counter.

“What brings you out here?” Uncle asks, digging into a dish of poke.

I don’t waste time with pleasantries or preamble, even forgoing the expected greetings. I launch right in. “Why did you guys expect Catherine and I to get married?”

“What?!” Auntie almost chokes on a chip and Uncle has to pat her on the back. “We never wanted that!”

“Yes, you did! You talked about it. We all heard you! You said you hoped we didn’t date as teenagers and ruin any chance that we’d marry later. There was something about Catherine being beautiful and ‘imagine the babies’ which was a real kick in the nuts at 15!”

“We did say that,” Mom says, “JOKINGLY. But we weren’t talking about you!” She laughs, long and loudly.

“The laughing feels unnecessary. And kinda mean, Mom. As if those expectations weren’t bad enough, the truth that it’s a total joke to you isn’t making it better. Who were you talking about then if not us?”

“Catherine and Rafferty!” That gives me pause. “Is that all you heard?”

“Well, yeah. Mina ran off angry and we all walked back to watch a movie.”

Mom rolls her eyes. “Not that it matters, because we weren’t being serious, but we also talked about how we thought you would need someone like Mina—strong enough to be your partner and vivacious enough to help you let loose a little and have fun. Why does a joking conversation twelve years ago even matter?”

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated I didn’t have this conversation with them years ago. Suffering in silence really worked out well for me.

“For one, I’ve spent the last twelve years thinking that being with Catherine was what was expected of me, that it was my duty to be the right guy for her and make all of us a family.”

Auntie grabs my hand and Mom comes around and puts her arms around me.

“Griffy! Why didn’t you say something? We’d neverexpectyou to marry anyone! We joked that it would be a dream come true to be in-laws, but we’re already as good as family! We’d never try to dictate who any of you should marry or even whether you should marry at all!” She sighs, sipping her drink. “Honestly, this surprises me. It’s always felt a little bit like you didn’t need us to guide you. I guess I got too used to you taking care of yourself, cleaning up your own messes, making things right. It’s always been your way.”

She frowns. “Maybe it would have been easier on you, though, if we hadn’t assumed you could handle things. You were always so dependable and responsible, we took it for granted. I hate that you’ve been carrying this around, thinking we had these expectations for you.”

I exhale, literally feeling my shoulders lift like there has been a physical weight on them all these years.

“It’s my fault for not simply asking you about it. Especially after I tried to date Catherine. That was a humiliating disaster.”

They all laugh. “We wondered what that was all about! You’re a grown man and free to make your own mistakes, but I still wanted to shake some sense into you. You two are a terrible match!”

“I know that now!” I grimace. “I didn’t even want to date her! I thought it was the right thing to do. I tried hard, really fucking hard, to make it work because I didn’t want to let you down. I’ve spent my life thinking Catherine, or at the very least someone like her, was the right choice.”

Mom shakes her head. “Not for you. And this isn’t regency England for fuck’s sake! Marriage isn’t a duty, Griffin, you’re not securing your family’s fortune, and this,” she gestures around our small house, “definitely isn’t Pemberley. Anyway, I thought you and Mina were dating. You said ‘for one.’ Is there something else we need to clear up?”

“We are. Or were. It’s sort of why I came out here. To ask about that conversation and think things through. I guess don’t have anything else I need you to clear up now. There’s something else I need to do though. This helped. I feel a little more…free.”

My dad speaks up for the first time. “Are you and Mina ok?”

“Not currently. But I wouldn’t worry about it. Thanks for letting me interrupt your evening. I’ve gotta get back townside.” The moms hug, the dads backslap, and I move on to step two. I feel lighter than I have in more than a decade. I don’t regret the life I’ve built for myself. I’m a good lawyer and I like what I do. But I’m excited about the possibilities in front of me, having the freedom to choose anything I want. There’s one particular choice that I’m anxious to make loud and clear. The relief is sharp but my anger is right there, simmering, just below the boiling point. I have a situation to deal with.

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