Page 16 of That Time I Kissed My Brother’s Best Friend

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ChapterFive

ELAINE GRAHAM’S CHRISTMAS IN JULY HOLIDAY SCHEDULE!

July 1st: Ugly Sweater Dinner and Tree Trimming!

July 2nd: Cocoa and Christmas Caroling!

July 3rd: Gingerbread House Decorating!

July 4th: Picnic, Parade, and Fireworks!

July 5th: Christmas Eve Breakfast, Lunch, and Pajamas!

July 6th: Christmas Day and the A-Fair … If You Dare!

Saturday, July 7th: Kasey Returns to LA and Her Brand New Job!

*Poster Made by Kasey, but Don’t Blame Her!

(Especially for all the exclamation points…)

ChapterSix

KASEY

In case you were waiting on the edge of your seat for the results of our Ugly Sweater Competition, I didn’t win. My cousin Mac and his snowman monstrosity took home that sweet, sweet prize. That is, if one of Auntie Ann’s fruitcakes can be considered any kind of trophy.

But after dinner, when we trimmed the tree, I won the unofficial award for the most broken ornaments. I had a grand total of three, but only one of the casualties was my fault. The others came out of the box cracked.

Auntie Ann blamed Uncle Irv for those first two, claiming he roughed up the box with his “big ham hands.” To prove I had no hard feelings, I topped off my uncle’s eggnog, but then I accidentally dropped my teddy bear ornament. Its head snapped off on the hardwoods.

Three broken ornaments: Check!

The teddy beheading might’ve made me sadder if I hadn’t been sure the bear ornament was actually Brady’s. When he handed it to me last night, he was being unusually nice, so I didn’t want to argue with him. But I distinctly remember wishing I’d gotten a teddy bear that year instead of the ornament I did get—which was a hippopotamus. Who even makes a Christmas ornament out of a hippo? I’m just saying. It’s not a bad question.

Ornament catastrophes aside, the rest of the night went off without a hitch, except that my cousin Ford couldn’t join us. He’s a firefighter who’s on-call on weekends. But since he lives here in Abieville full time, his absence wasn’t a deal breaker. Everyone agreed the bigger coup was finally getting all four of Aunt Remy’s kids—and her one, non-talking grandchild—here at the same time.

Mac is not only the oldest of the cousins, he’s also the only one with a kid. Not to mention the only one who’s ever been married, and then divorced. But everyone usually acts like his ex never existed. Don’t feel too bad for Gwen, though. She abandoned Mac and Daisy last year on Daisy’s birthday. There’s probably no such thing as agoodtime to leave your family, but on your four-year-old daughter’s birthday?

That’s next-level worst.

They’re still getting over that heartbreak, but we’re all hoping Mac will meet someone wonderful soon. Someone who’ll give him and Daisy the love they deserve. That’s a lot, for the record.

Besides Mac, Aunt Remy also has the triplets: Darby, Olivia, and Tess. The girls are the last of the ten cousins. That’s because once the other three Bradford sisters realized they might end up with surprise multiples, they stopped making children. Triplets aren’t necessarily problematic in and of themselves. And the McCoy girls are seriously awesome. But a lot of the houses in Abieville are turn-of-the-century, and still only have one full bathroom. So having fewer kids just makes good sense.

Something thatdoesn’tmake sense—but definitely reveals everything you need to know about my mother and her sisters—is that all four of them have sons named Bradford. Can you just imagine how those phone calls from the delivery room went?

Aunt Remy: Ted and I named our boy Bradford!

Auntie Mae: Cubby and I named our boy Bradford!

Auntie Ann: Irv and I named our boy Bradford!

My mom: Guess what Phil and I named the baby!

To keep the four Bradford boys straight, they all have different nicknames. Mac is Mac because of his last name. Next up is Three, whose nickname would be more logical if Three had been the third boy named Bradford. But he was the second. Nobody seems to notice or care. Ford is the actual third Bradford boy. Then came Brady. He’s the last one. And it comes as no surprise to me that my brother broke that particular mold.

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