Page 11 of All Roads Lead to You

He’d also found that simplicity out in the bush. In nature there were no people either. Only the sun and the rain and the trees. The mountains and the sky. You could be alone there in a way you couldn’t be even in your own house. A solitude that emphasized the smallness of your own being, at the same time making you aware that you were an intrinsic part of the world and the landscape, just as a tree or a rock. An eternal part of it.

He found that immensely comforting.

What he did not find comforting was Clint’s question, so he ignored it, looking down at Jeff still nuzzling his hand. He gave the animal another stroke before stepping away.

“Look,” he said. “Would you mind if I took Beth back down to town? The documents are going to take an hour or so to go through, and I don’t want her to have to wait.”

Clint hadn’t moved. “You didn’t answer me.”

“Yeah, and I’m not going to.”

“Don’t be an asshole,” Clint growled. “Your dick didn’t die when your wife did, and neither did you. You’re allowed to find other women attractive.”

Tension crawled through him. He really didn’t want to discuss this. He knew damn well his dick hadn’t died, and sure, he’d felt a couple of sparks of attraction when he’d been out with Levi or Chase in Queenstown’s bars, the tourist town a couple of hours away and over the ranges from Brightwater.

But this thing with Beth felt…more intense. And he wasn’t sure why. He only knew that he didn’t want it.

He’d felt that for one person and one person only and she was gone. He wasn’t ready to feel it again and he didn’t know if he’d ever be ready.

What he did know was that he didn’t want to feel it for some woman who was basically a self-help manual in human form.

“Fine,” he said shortly. “She’s attractive. But I’m not going there, okay?”

“Sure. But taking your own frustrations out on her and everyone around you is getting old, Finn.”

Finn tried not to wince at that, because as usual Clint managed to home in on the bare truth. A truth he’d already acknowledged to himself, to be fair, but had tried telling himself wasn’t that bad.

Except he knew it was that bad.

He’d become the same kind of bad-tempered, moody bastard he despised. His father, in other words.

Now that was a lowering thought.

“You know why I’m selling up here, right?” Clint went on, his brown eyes uncompromising.

Of course Finn knew why Clint was selling up. They’d talked about it many times. Clint was moving to Christchurch, the closest big city to Brightwater, because he wanted a change of scene.

“Didn’t you want to go and live by the sea?” Finn asked.

“Yeah, I do. But that’s not the main reason. I want to be with Lizzie.”

Lizzie was a woman Clint had met a year or so ago on a trip to the city and had gotten on with like a house on fire.

Finn had assumed that moving closer to Lizzie had factored into his decision to move, but not that it was the driving force behind it.

“Right,” he said. “Well, that’s good—”

“I’m lonely here,” Clint interrupted bluntly. “And I’m tired of being on my own. I don’t want to spend my last few years in an empty house. So Lizzie and I are going to get a house together. May even get married next summer.”

Finn wasn’t sure what to say. There was an uncomfortable tightness in his chest, a heavy kind of ache, and he didn’t want to probe too deeply into what that ache might be. He didn’t want it to be there at all.

“Are you giving me advice, Clint?” he asked. “Some kind of lesson?”

“Damn straight I am,” Clint said without hesitation. “You’re a man of strong feelings, Finn Kelly, and those feelings have to come out somehow. At the moment they’re coming out as anger, but that’s not helpful to anyone, let alone to that young woman sitting in your truck.” He glowered. “All I’m saying is be a man and handle yourself. I won’t ever forget my Marie, she’ll always be part of me, but I’ve decided I’ve got to live my life. And you need to live yours.”

Finn got what Clint was trying to say. He really did. But he’d already made the decision to live his life. And here he was, living it. Sure, he was being a grumpy bastard and he really did have to handle that, but he wasn’t going to be upping sticks and taking off to the city to live with some woman.

He was fine with everything the way it was. Helping Chase and Levi run Pure Adventure NZ. Spending time in the great outdoors. Managing the stables. Yeah, all of that was good and he wasn’t about to change any of it.

---