Page 111 of My Infatuation with Isabella

“Dana...Dana told us that the other guy asked Alan to drop her off at a public place so she could find someone to call her parents...and Alan said he would...but he didn’t. He...” Dylan breaks down then and he drops his head onto my shoulder. I try to hold him, but he pulls my hands off him and clasps them in his instead. He takes a few more minutes to recompose himself. “He kept her for twenty-six days...until his partner came to the house one morning and heard her screaming for help. He fought off Alan and managed to save her. He...he didn’t want to get arrested, so he just left her outside a hospital.” He looks up but focuses his eyes elsewhere. “When we picked her up...my sister wasn’t my sister anymore. She was so fucked on drugs. We couldn’t hold her. We couldn’t touch her. She just freaked out...because of the way he hurt her. Fuck...he hurt her so bad.”

I watch him fall apart in front of me. He drops his head again, pressing our clasped hands against his forehead, and all I can do is listen to the sharp breaths and constricted sounds. I bite my bottom lip when it starts to quiver. I have to blink to keep tears at bay. I’m trying to be strong for him, but when I think about what Dana must’ve gone through...my heart can’t take it. Watching the effects it has on Dylan is ripping me open inside.

“She would kick. She would punch. She’d use anything around her as a weapon...and afterward, she wouldn’t remember anything. At first, we thought it was because of the drugs...but even after she was clean, it still happened.”

He goes on to explain to me what the doctors told him about Dana’s dissociative amnesia. It’s a defense mechanism when she gets triggered, so they had to make all kinds of changes to make sure she didn’t have any reminders. One of the things he mentions is that Alan had kept her locked up in a dingy, little room, so they had to remove all the locks off the doors at his house. This leads to what really happened on Christmas morning. He explains that Dana’s reaction was even more explosive because she was locked up in a room she didn’t recognise onChristmas. It was all too eerily familiar to her, and that’s how he ended up in the ER getting stitches.

“I’m sorry,” I say, and I feel like I’m drowning in regret. “I thought...I-I didn’t know why you disappeared, but...I should’ve handled it better. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

“Your reaction was warranted. You asked for an explanation, and I didn’t give you one. To you, it was just a repeat of what happened before...which brings us to the next item on the list.” He reaches for the piece of paper beside him on the bed. “Why did I disappear for three weeks?” Again, he takes a long pause to brace himself. “So, I saw you last on a Thursday? Yeah, it was a Thursday, and I told you I would take you out again on Friday. After I dropped you off on Thursday, my dad called me while I was driving home, and he asked if I could pick up the new snow globe he’d ordered for Dana from this little gift shop in our old neighborhood. She wanted one of New York, and they called him to tell him it’d been delivered.” His eyes narrow as if he’s trying to remember the finer details. “I get there, and it’s virtually empty, but there’s this guy at the counter and he’s got this big Labrador beside him...with thick, golden fur. I didn’t think anything of it at first. I just went and stood behind him, you know, waiting to be served.”

The tension within him starts to build again. This memory transports him to a place where he feels overwhelmed and it’s on full display in his body language. His bunched-up shoulders. His tight jaw. The trembling hands he runs down his face.

“He...he tells the guy behind the counter that someone very special to him loves collecting snow globes. He hadn’t seen her in a couple years. He was missing her, and he wanted to get something that reminded him of her. He specifically wanted a snow globe with a city in it, and I thought that was a strange request because my sister is the only person I know who collects those types of snow globes.” He grits his teeth and pure rage seems to darken his eyes. “So, uh, the guy behind the counter says, New York has been pre-ordered, but I have Philly. The other guy takes the snow globe, pays for it, then walks to the door. As he opens it, he says...c’mon, Fluffy...and my whole body went numb...just cold. My mouth ran dry. I couldn’t move. After a few seconds, I managed to snap out of it. I walked out after him and followed him home. This dude...” His hands clench and I try not to wince at how hard he’s gripping my thighs. “He was living ten minutes away from our old house. She was right there...and we didn’t know. I called the detective who was working on Dana’s case and gave him the address. They only got a warrant to search his place the next morning, so I stayed there all night to make sure he didn’t leave. They found her sneakers and a bloody T-shirt in there because...because this sick fuck kept all her stuff.” He stops and slowly rocks back and forth as if he’s in physical pain.

“Do you want to stop?” I ask cautiously.

Still looking down, he shakes his head. “Uh...they arrested him on Friday around mid-morning. I went home to pick up my dad so we could go down to the station, and by then my whole family had heard about all this. My house was a madhouse, and the calls...the calls just wouldn’t stop. Everybody kept phoning to ask me if I was okay and how’s Dana handling it...and by the time you called, I was ready to explode because I just wanted to get down to the fucking station, so I asked Fran to switch my phone off. I didn’t know it was you.”

I feel my heart sink into my stomach. Considering everything he was going through, being upset about missing our date seems so petty now. Despite my growing guilt, I remain quiet as he continues.

“I thought that this asshole getting arrested was great news...but fuck me, did all hell break loose after that. The cops, they-they showed us pictures of the room that he kept her in, and my mom...my mom had a total mental breakdown.” His voice falters, but he pushes on. “She could not function fordays. She refused to eat. She didn’t shower. She just curled up in bed and didn’t move. So, my dad and I are one man down on this team, and we’re trying to juggle lawyers and cops and still run the restaurant. Eventually, we had to tell Dana all this, and when she found out that she’d have to face him again in court...”

“That must’ve been so overwhelming for her,” I say softly.

He covers his eyes with his hand and lets out a slow breath. “She went ballistic. She became violent, attacking the staff over any little thing. One time it got so bad they had to sedate her. Our lawyer said that they would make it seem like her testimony wasn’t credible. She couldn’t give a proper version of events, her story was inconsistent because there were so many things she’d blocked out. Her memories were all jumbled up. I mean, she believed Fluffy wasourdog. I needed to make sure she was calm whenever the lawyer visited, and that she listened to what he had to say. She wasn’t in a good space and if she called for me, I needed to be there. So, I got clearance, and they allowed me to stay with her at the institution. My dad was handling everything alone. And my dad...you know, my dad never gives himself downtime. He has to be strong enough to handle all of us. He holds us together through everything. My mom’s breakdowns, Dana’s trauma tantrums, my fights at school, every single bad day any of us may have – he deals withallof that. He has to be the rock, but at that point, it was too much for him. It was summer vacation, so he asked Fran to go over to our house every day to check on my mom. I was never with Fran, and I didn’t know that you saw her at my house. I only found that out in therapy, but now I understand why you were so adamant that I was with her. I didn’t handle any of it well.”

He toys with the edges of my T-shirt, using it as a distraction instead of looking at me. I can’t even find any words to say, so I don’t say anything. I just sit there, shocked and appalled and angry and hurt. I don’t know where to even begin to articulate my thoughts.

“I know I should’ve called,” he continues. “I wanted to so many times, but...I knew you’d ask questions, and I couldn’t answer them because protecting my sister’s privacy was my main priority at the time. I also didn’t want you to know because I wanted – I don’t know – I wanted something safe andnormalwhen I got back home...so I chose the coward’s way...and I just didn’t call. I knew you’d be mad. I was prepared for fights and arguments and non-stop ranting. I was ready to takeallyour wrath...but to come back from all that to the news that you slept with another guy...” His voice catches and I can hear his pain in that almost strangled whisper. He drops his head into his hands and his breaths become uneven. “...I couldn’t take it. It fucking shattered me.”

I’m so ashamed and disgusted with myself that my insides are churning. I listen as he tells me about the turmoil he went through, how he had to sit in a courtroom only a few feet away from the monster who hurt his sister and he couldn’t do anything. He talks about the helplessness he felt when he had to listen to Dana’s testimony, the blame he puts on himself for leaving her alone and I can see how tortured he is by the guilt. This only escalates my guilt. He went through all that alone because we had already broken up by then.

“Dylan...” Tears are ceaselessly streaming down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” I cover my mouth with my hand to stop the sobs before they burst out of me. “I’m so sorry.”

He finally looks at me, cups my face with both hands, and strokes my tears away with his thumbs. “Bella, you didn’t know. I’m the one at fault here. Regardless of the circumstances, I should’ve called. I was selfish, and I took you for granted time and time again. Like I said, everyone around me is overly accommodating of my shitty behavior, and I guess I just expected you to be the same...but you’re not, and I love that about you.” He presses a soft kiss on my mouth. “I think we need another hug.” He shifts closer, pulling me to his chest as he wraps his arms tightly around me. Even though all of this ishisturmoil, he’s the one comfortingme. “It’s in the past now. It’s done. We can’t change it. We can only move forward. I’m okay now. Dana’s okay now. We’re slowly moving past that awful time in our lives.” He hooks his finger under my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. “You and I have hurt each other a lot. We’re both to blame. If we want to make this work, we have to forgive ourselves and each other. Do you think you can do that?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“Me too.” He nuzzles his nose against my neck, inhaling deeply as if he’s trying to draw as much comfort from me as he can. “I love the way you smell.” The whisper is so soft it seems like it was more of a reminder to himself.

We sit there, just holding each other for what seems like an eternity. Somehow in that quiet time, the heaviness of the conversation eases, his breathing slows, and my tears finally ebb. The situation doesn’t feel so overwhelming when we finally pull away from each other.

“Are you okay now?” he asks.

“Sort of. You?”

“Same...but I just want to add one more thing. While I agree that we were both at fault, can we just put it out there that your reaction tothatparticular situation was a tad extreme?”

“Only a tiny bit,” I squeak because my voice is still tight. “God, I need to work on my impulsiveness and be more accommodating and just change the way?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Don’t change a single thing. Don’t ever feel like you have to handle me with kid gloves because of this. I want you with all your fierceness and all your fury and all your crazy. Have the arguments where you call out my bullshit. Fuck up my car. Send me on a wild goose chase through Lincoln Park. Give me the silent treatment for three weeks just to show me howexcruciatingit is...to wait for that phone call.”

The twinge of pain in his voice makes me groan. “Oh, shit. I did that to you, too. I’mawful.”

“A little.” He smiles. “But I want that from you. Promise me you’ll never change that about you.”

I nod even though I still feel horrid. “Okay.”

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