“Fine. Whatever. Can you stop whining, so we can get this thing in the truck?”
I grab a toolbox and walk over to the horse. It stands on a flat metal base and that metal base is mounted onto a concrete slab. It’s big, a little taller than me, but it’s hollow, so I don’t think it’ll be heavy. I hand each of them a wrench and we each take a corner to unscrew the nuts.
“What exactly are you planning on doing with this horse?” Peter asks.
“You’ll see.”
Scott starts complaining again when we have to carry this damn thing and hoist it onto the back of the truck. It’s heavy as fuck.
“This is gonna throw my back out.”
“Lift with your legs,” I snap.
“How the shittin’ heck am I supposed to do that? If I bend my knees, I’m not coming back up. This thing weighs a ton. Besides, you just got the head. I’ve got this big, bulky ass...with a tail.”
After a lot of grunting and cussing, we finally manage to get it onto the truck and it takes just as much effort and cussing to unload it and set it up on Bella’s front lawn. I hand Scott a piece of paper then hop onto the horse and throw one leg over the other side.
“Okay, when she comes out, I want you to read that.”
He switches on the light on his phone, shining it over the words and then a loud howl of laughter breaks the dead silence of the night. “No way! No fucking way am I reading this.”
I start laughing too because I know what it says. “Just do it.”
“No! I wouldn’t be able to get the first few words out.”
“I’ll do it,” Pete volunteers with a snicker, and Scott hands over the page.
“Okay, come stand in front of the horse. I’m gonna call her.” I dial her number and she’s even groggier than Scott was when she answers the phone.
“Dylan? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine. Can you come outside?”
“Now?”
“Right now.”
“So much for getting my beauty sleep,” she grumbles before she hangs up.
The door opens about a minute later, and she looks confused as all hell. “Is that the horse from the park? Did you steal that?”
“You’ve always known I was a hardened criminal, so don’t act surprised,” I reply then hint at Peter to start reading.
Pete looks down at the paper. “Hear ye! Hear ye!” He stops and looks up at me with disappointment. “Really, Dyl?”
“Just read,” I whisper-shout and Scott erupts with laughter again.
Isabella is equal parts amused and confused when he starts reading again. “His Majesty, the King of Hearts?” He abruptly stops and turns to me. “The King of Hearts? How are we friends with you?”
“We’ll unpack that question on another day. Keep reading. And put some feeling into it. This is my woman, Pete, and I only get one shot at this, so make it count.”
And because I’ve been blessed with the best of friends, Pete gives his all, putting on the most dramatic accent when he continues. “His Majesty, the King of Hearts, has traveled across the lands on his trusted steed in search of his fair maiden. Crimson lips and eyes of topaz, her beauty is unparalleled. He has faced many obstacles on his journey. The treacherous waters of half-truths and whole lies. The howling winds of accusations and miscommunication. He battled the? Ah, shit, this is so corny.” A chuckle pops out of Pete, which gets a giggle out of Bella, but he swallows it and carries on. “He has battled the demons of unresolved issues and has overcome the highest levels of crazy, but now he is finally here to claim his queen...the Queen of Spades.” Pete pulls his lips in and looks at Bella. “You won’t tell anyone about this, right? I’ll never get laid again.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” she assures him with a small giggle.
“It’s so traumatizing. I feel like my dick just inverted. It’s like my body identified the threat of it falling off so...it just sucked it back in. There’s probably just a nub there now.”
I throw my head back in frustration. “Pete!Why you bringing your dick into this, man?”