Page 17 of My Infatuation with Isabella

I fail at keeping the emotion out of my voice because even I can hear my own heart break in the strangled pronunciation of each word. I don’t know why this is affecting me so badly. I haven’t seen Dylan since we graduated. I’ve discreetly kept tabs on him through Scott over the years, so I know he’s been dating Fran for some time now. Deep down, I was expecting this day to come, but I didn’t think it would come so soon, and I didn’t think the news would shatter me this way. I thought it hurt on the day I ended it. I thought it hurt on the day I found out that he and Fran got back together, but this...Nothing could’ve prepared me for the pain ripping through my chest right now. It’s burning through my insides and clogging up my throat.

“I told him it’s a mistake,” Scott says. “He’s too young and too immature to get married, but you know Dylan. There’s no talking to him. He’s like a brick wall sometimes.” Scott focuses livid blue eyes on me. “What do you care, anyway? You didn’t give a shit about him, otherwise you wouldn’t have hooked up with some guy you didn’t even know.”

I can hear the anger in his judgmental tone, and I take it without correcting him. Everyone has made their assumptions about what happened between me and Bradley Kemp in that room. I had a reputation and everyone who watched that video believed that I’d slept with him, and I let them make those assumptions. I let Dylan believe it too, because we’d reached a stalemate in our non-existent relationship of convenience. I needed him to stay away from me because I wouldn’t have had the willpower to stay away from him. We weren’t good for each other, and I know he’s better off with Francesca. Iknowit...but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

On the day we broke up, I knew that I’d end up regretting it, and maybe it’s the regret that has left me holding a candle for this guy so many years later. I’ve dated other men, been in a few relationships, but he was my first love. I guess he’s always going to have a piece of my heart, a piece ofme. I even designated that spot from behind my earlobe to the edge of my jawbone ashisspot, the piece of me that will always belong to him.

Tommy thought I was crazy when I got a trail of hearts tattooed there because the trail ends with the symbol for the King of Hearts, and he said I was stupid to put something permanent on my body that stemmed from a relationship that was so very temporary. It was especially stupid to do itafterwe broke up, and maybe I am stupid because even with hindsight, I’m still refusing to see the truth. He's getting married and part of me still wants to believe that what we had was real. It wasn’t. I gave him my whole heart, but his heart always belonged to Fran.

I squash my emotions into a tight ball before meeting Scott’s scowl with indifference. “Your friend isn’t as innocent as you think he is. I don’t know where he disappeared to for three weeks, but I know who he was with. He lied to me and said he wasn’t with Francesca, yet she’s the one he’s marrying, so...so maybe we need to reevaluate the situation to determine who truly didn’t give a shit.” Even though it’s taking everything in me to keep the hurt out of my voice, I think they can both hear it. “Do you know what happened...why he just disappeared like that?”

I don’t know what expression has taken over my face, but I must look like I need comfort because Keith places his hand over mine.

“No.” Scott stares at me for a long time because I think I made it very obvious how much that question still haunts me. He backs down and releases a heavy sigh. “You know what? We need to cut ties and wipe the slate clean, otherwise we’re going to keep clinging to all these unresolved issues. Both of us are avenues to our exes, and we need to let go at some point, so let’s make a pact. I won’t talk to Dylan about you, and I won’t talk to you about Dylan. You do the same with me and Cat. If we don’t have these constant reminders, maybe it will be easier to...to not think about them. Deal?”

“Deal,” I agree with a nod. “So, are you still going to come over even though you and Cat aren’t together anymore?”

“Of course. I’ve been doing it even though we broke up two months ago. Why would I stop now? Your mother is the only mother I have, and Keith and I are like basketball besties now. And then there’s you...the only person in this house who also thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie.”

“It’s not a Christmas movie,” Keith says with an irritable groan.

“It is!” I insist. “You need a reality check, Keith.”

Scott laughs. “So, we’ll keep our tradition and every year, I’ll still come over on the twenty-third and we’ll watch it together. I think that’s a solid pact.”

“Agreed.”

“So, Dylan and Cat are no longer up for discussion. That box is officially sealed.” He stands up. “Keith, we’d better get going.”

Keith gets up from the chair and looks at me awkwardly before leaning over to kiss my forehead. He becomes more uncomfortable when my eyebrows crease and I just glare at him. “Sorry. It seemed like the stepdad thing to do. Too much?”

“Uh...it’s a little new...and weird, but you’ve only been living with us for six months now...so we could try that out.”

“How about a good, old-fashioned handshake?” He reaches out to shake my hand.

“That was worse,” Scott says.

“Yeah, that was worse,” I echo. “The forehead kiss was way less awkward.”

Happy with the resolution, Keith gives a nod. “Okay. Forehead kisses are the way forward.” They make their way to the front door. “See you later, kiddo.”

I wait for them to leave before I walk outside and sit down on the porch steps. My heart still feels so heavy. I can’t believe he’s getting married. I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much. It’s not like I’m constantly pining over him. I can go months without even thinking about him, but then when he eventually crosses my mind, he’s stuck there for days on end. I have a sinking feeling that this wedding is going to play with my emotions for weeks.

Somehow it serves as confirmation of the insecurities I had while we were together. I knew his feelings for Fran ran deeper than what he let on and this wedding only proves that I made the right decision to end it. Dylan saw me as a fun time, a happy escape from reality. I know this...yet it still hurts like hell. He’s going to get married next weekend, and it feels like I’ve lost him forever even though I lost him years ago.

I rarely have weekends off because at any given time I’m working at least two jobs, so I’d planned to use this Saturday to pamper myself. Do my hair and nails. I’ve been working in a nail salon for the past four months and I’ve learned a lot about nail art, so I was waiting for a free weekend to try it out on myself. After I was all dolled up, I wanted to go to the new clubGritthat opened up with Tommy, but all my plans for this weekend go down the drain because I just sit there, rooted to that spot, staring out at nothing.

I don’t even notice that hours have gone by until I see Keith walking down the pathway toward me. Scott honks and yells a goodbye before driving off.

“Are you okay?” Keith asks, concern evident in his brown eyes.

“I’m fine.”

He doesn’t believe me because he sits down beside me. “Anything you want to talk about?”

I pull my lips in. “No offense, Keith, but this is a talk for my sister.”

“Oh, I see.” He smiles coyly. “Well, I could try to stand in for a few minutes. What do sisters talk about?”

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