Page 57 of My Infatuation with Isabella

December 24, 2026

Tommy:And that was Pink withMost Girls. Thank you for taking us all the way back to 2009, Michelle. We’re still got fifteen minutes before the end of the show, and we’re taking your requests for Flashback Friday. Call in and tell us about your favorite childhood song with the memory of why it’s your favorite, and we’ll play it for you.

Me:Can someone please request a few Christmas oldies? We’ve got a Scrooge in the studio, and we’re really trying to get him into the Christmas spirit. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Damon. For those of you who missed it, Damon’s wife decided?

Damon:Unilaterally and without my consent.

Me:Yeah, she decided they’re gonna have a vegan Christmas this year, and Scroogy Mc Scrooge over here has been pissed off about it since thetwelfth!Damon is blaming us for it because Tom and I committed to eating strictly vegan three days a week. Somehow, it’s now our fault.

Damon:It is. You put the idea in her head. And please explain to me how can you have Christmas without turkey...or gammon? It’s blasphemy.

Tommy:Damon, I think that if she withholds the meat; you have every right to do the same. Deny her the sausage, my man, and she’ll come around because she won’t be coming...at all.

Me:That talk needs to be taken off-air, Tommy. We don’t want to be implicated for giving him ideas when things go south. Let’s take the safe road and go back to our original discussion. How in the world did we get onto this random-ass topic in the first place?

Sydney:Right after I read the news, Michelle called in with her request, and she said something...something about your thoughts create your destiny. Then Tommy said we’re incapable of controlling our destiny because we’re not in control of our thoughts.

Me:And what a deep rabbit hole we fell into (giggles). Too deep for a Christmas eve. Guys, it’s so deep Damon decided to get involved in this discussion. When the producer gets off histhroneto join the worker bees, you know shit just got real.

Damon:I just don’t get what Tommy is saying. How can you not be in control of your own thoughts?

Tommy:Okay, answer me this. You’re sitting at your desk and typing an email to – I don’t know – your boss to ask if you can take off next Monday. You’re halfway through when this random thought hits you and you’re like, damn, you know what would be great right now? A tuna bagel.

Sydney:I love tuna bagels. Can we get tuna bagels today?

Tommy:Syd, babe, just focus for ten more minutes. What I’m trying to say is, that random thought of the tuna bagel, you didn’tmakeyourself think that. You didn’t control that thought...Wait. We got a caller. Let’s go to the lines real quick, and we have...Samuel. Sam, are you on Team Tom or Team...everyone else?

Samuel:I’m definitely on Team Tom. This happens to me all the time, and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. Let’s say, you’re talking to your mom, and out of the blue, you think, shit, I need to remember to buy laundry detergent. If you could control your thoughts, things like that wouldn’t just pop into your head.

Tommy:Yes! Exactly. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Thanks, Sam. Team Tom wins another point.

Me:Are those not just misplaced memories, though? Something triggers the memory even if you don’t necessarily know what the trigger is.

Tommy:The fact that it gets triggered by something other than you proves that you don’t control your thoughts. Izzy, remember when you were dating that animal masturbator?

Me:I have used every internal mechanism I have to block that out of my mind.

Sydney:Is that a real job?

Tommy:Yep. And do you want to know what Izzy thought about every time they made out?

Me:(rolls eyes) I...um...I used to wonder...what sound a bull makes...when he orgasms.

Sydney:Every time?

Me:Every time. I was so curious to know. I tried so hard but I just couldn’t get the thought out of my head.

Tommy:That’s another point for me, but let’s just drive my victory home. I’m sure everybody goes through this. You’re lying in bed. It’s two in the morning, but you can’t fall asleep. You keep thinking about...

Sydney:Tuna bagels.

Tommy:Syd, honey, we moved on from that a long time ago.

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