Page 58 of My Infatuation with Isabella

Samuel:(Laughs) I think Sydney was a goldfish in her last life.

Sydney:Offensive but also...true. Honestly, though, if I’m up at two in the morning and can’t fall asleep, it’s probably because I’m thinking about food.

Tommy:Fine. Let’s go with that. You’re thinking about food, and no matter how many times you try to force yourself to stop thinking about it and fall asleep, you can’t. If you could control your thoughts, you would be able to stop thinking about tuna bagels.

Samuel:Like when you write an exam, and you’re waiting for the results to find out if you passed. People will tell you to stop stressing and not think about it, but you just can’t.

Tommy:Sam, you beautiful creature, you just scored another point for Team Tom! You can’t see it, but I just high-fived you.

Damon:So, if you’re not controlling your thoughts, who is?

Me:I think I understand what Tommy is trying to say. So...what if you’re just a vessel that is capable of letting waves of energy pass through you. And as they pass, they can manipulate the frequency and thought patterns in your brain. I think...and it may not even be me thinking it...but I think your subconscious is vast and incomprehensible, so to believe that your conscious mind can control something that powerful is just ignorant.

Tommy:Shit, IzzyB, how many shrooms did you eat today?

Me:‘Bout eight.

Tommy:That was deep. Deeper than I usually like it.

Me:You know, Thomas. There are very few times when I’m actually able to fool people into thinking I’m smart by saying something mildly intelligent, and you always manage to shroud it with inappropriate sexual innuendo. Why must you constantly piss on my parade?

Tommy:Because I have the bladder of an eighty-year-old granny. I’m incapable of holding it in.

Damon:Sorry to cut this short, guys. I wish we could unpack this more, but we’ve run out of time.

Me:Wow, Damon! Talk about stealing our thunder.

Damon:I didn’t?

Tommy:I mean, we thought this wasourshow, but if you want to pull rank like that...

Me:Sorry, everyone. The boss has spoken. We have to end the show now.

Damon:(Rolls eyes) You guys are assholes. You know I didn’t mean?

Tommy:Oh, and before Damon yells at us for not doing our jobs again...

Me:Micromanage much?

Damon:I didn’t yell. I merely pointed out that Michelle was still on the line waiting to give her request.

Me:The abuse we endure here! These working conditions are atrocious.

Damon:Don’t listen to these two. I’m not a bad boss.

Tommy:It’s debatable. Sam, as you can hear, we’re petrified of being fired. Izzy is visibly shaking. Poor thing. So, before we let you go, do you have a request for Flashback Friday?

Me:Please let it be a Christmas song, Sammy. That’s what we’re closing the show with today, so make it a good one.

Samuel:Isabella, for you, I’m going to choose...Let It Snow by Michael Bublé.

Me:A classic. I love that one. What’s your special memory for this song?

Samuel:My nephew was born on Christmas day last year and they played that song at the hospital the first time I saw him.

Me:Aw, my heart just melted. Love that. Thanks for calling in today, Sam, and thank you all for joining the Crude Awakening Team for another amazing show on KRXM. We’re going on break, so the show will be back on January fifth next year. Guys, have a wonderful Christmas. Unwind. Relax. Spend time with your families. And we’ll catch you guys in the new year.

Tommy:Merry Christmas, everyone. Be safe. Stay blessed. From the whole team at KRXM, have a good one. Here’s Michael Bublé, and then Syd is gonna take us into the nine o’clock news.

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