Page 73 of My Infatuation with Isabella

“I am direct.”

“Hiding the truth in a joke is not direct. Purposely being cryptic is not direct. Disappearing for days orweekswithout any explanation isnotdirect.”

Another groan of frustration precedes my response. “See, this is why whenever you decide to pick a fight, I just sit back and let you rant. This is why I don’t engage. I hate fighting with you because I always come ill-prepared. I get into the ring thinking I’m gonna hit with some heavy blows, but the best I got is, like, a jab, jab, uppercut. You, though, you get in there with some lethal muay thai spinning kicks.”

She gives a disinterested eye-roll. “That’s a bit dramatic.”

“You come at me like you were trained by the fucking special forces unit, and you approach the fight like you woke up at two in the morning and commando crawled through the dirt, dragging all your issues and twisted versions of the truth with you. And these are dangerous weapons. So, on top of you being skilled at combat, you’re also packing all this artillery which hasunlimitedammunition.”

“If you didn’t lie so much, I wouldn’t have ammunition,” she counters. “I could start listing them if you want. This littleaccidentyou had at the hotel is just the beginning. Remember when you told me you weren’t with Fran for those three weeks, but I saw her at your house every time I went there? And remember when you told me that you and Fran werejust friendsand I shouldn’t be insecure about your friendship, but then you magically ended up getting married to her?” She gasps as if she’s genuinely surprised. “Oh! Oh, and remember when you told me you love me? What a crock of shit that turned out to be.”

“That. That right there. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You’realreadyfrustrated and angry before you even get into the ring with me because you’ve been trudging through the dirt all morning, and that baggage you’re carrying is heavy. I get it. You’re tired. But even in that state, I’m still no match for you. I’m out here dodging this shit as best I can, and just when I think I can handle a few spinning kicks, I find out you’re carrying all these concealed weapons...and you knowexactlywhen to pull them out. I just throw out a light jab and say:Hey, remember that time you lied and ruined my entire life, and then BAM! Your level nine crazy ass will whip out a semi-automatic assault rifle...and a bazooka. I can’t win a fight like that.”

A glimmer of a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “Don’t be cute with me, De Lorenzo. Just tell me the truth.”

“I’m asking you to trust me. I’m asking you to believe me when I tell you that I didn’t use you or have sex with you for revenge or whatever twisted shit you’ve concocted in your mind. The situation was just...out of my control. Please trust me on that.”

“Trust? That’s a big word...and you have done nothing to earn my trust. You’re lying, keeping secrets, sneaking around.” She pauses, reeling in her frustration. “Do you have any intention of telling Francesca about what happened?”

“No.” I lean forward, resting my forearms on my thighs as I look over at her. “Bella, I can’t tell Fran about us...not yet, anyway. Do you know what that would do to her? It would crush her, and after everything I put her through, I can’t hurt her like that again. It got very rocky and very ugly between us, but we’re sorta...talking again. Everything is just...fragile right now, and I don’t want to do anything that’s gonna cause more damage.”

That inkling of playfulness I saw a minute ago disappears. She blinks a few times, staring at me in silence. It takes a long while for her to process that and I watch the range of emotions play on her face. Hurt to anger to disbelief. She’s quiet for a long time, and I start to wonder what I said to upset her.

“Okay.” She slowly stands up. “I think...I think I’ve officially reached my limit of how much I can take.”

“Bella, where’re you going? We still have fifteen minutes left for the session.”

She doesn’t answer and tries to move toward the door, but I stand up, blocking her path. “Why are you so upset about this?”

“Dylan, please move out of my way.” She sounds deflated, as if she’s been drained of all her energy.

“Will you just tell me what I did...or what I said?”

She glowers at me. “Are you kidding me? So, you want to keep the fact that you slept with me a secret, just not tell Fran about it? And you expect me to be okay with that?”

“Yes. Why is it so important to you that she knows? What happens between me and you is between me and you. Fran doesn’t have to know about that. It’s none of her business. It’s like you just want to rub it in her face.”

Her mouth drops open in exasperation. “Oh, my God! You are unbelievable! Just because you’re having problems, doesn’t mean you can just sneak around behind her back and screw another woman. I’m not some side piece, and she deserves to know. She’s your wife, Dylan!”

“Yo, wait...What?” That comment slaps me so hard I literally have to shake off the shock. “My what? Did you say my wife?” I’m still reeling from this. “Wait. You think Fran and I are still married?”

She doesn’t answer. She just stares at me, looking as confused as I feel.

“Bella, we got divorced over a year ago.” I take a second to just absorb this and not overreact. “So, wait. Let me...let me get this straight. You thought Fran and I are still married?”

She gives an uncertain nod. “I did.”

“And you thought I would sleep with you...while still beingmarried?” Our past conversations run through my mind and her obsession with constantly bringing Fran up finally makes sense. “So, all this time you thought I snuck out of your hotel room early to go home to Fran? All this time you thought that I come here to therapy, and I touch you, and I flirt with you...and then I go back home to mywife?” I wait for an answer that doesn’t come. “Holy fuck! What kind of guy do you think I am? I would never do that to you...or Fran.” My edginess gets the better of me, and I start pacing up and down the length of the office. “How...how could you possibly think that?”

“That night at the bowling alley...you came very close to?”

“That...that wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t thinking straight and seeing you again...Regardless, I shouldn’t have done that, but I didn’t go to the bowling alley with the intention of doing anything more than talking. Me kissing you under the mistletoe? That was intentional. Me coming up to your room?Veryintentional. Even if we were having problems or I was unhappy, I would never purposely pursue another woman if I weremarried. Shit...how could you think so low of me?”

Topaz eyes narrow at me. “Because...because you cheated on me with Fra?”

“Yeah, I cheated on you the same you cheated on me. It never fucking happened.”

That shuts her up for a second. She drops that argument and gets defensive instead. “Well, it’s not like you ever told me you got divorced. How was I supposed to know that?”

---