Page 8 of My Infatuation with Isabella

“Were you tempted to start drinking?” Dr. Burkman asks.

“No.” She shakes her head. “By that time, I had been drinking socially when I went out or at parties, but I didn’t want to go down that dark rabbit hole again. My life was shitty enough. I moved out twice, then had to move back home again because I couldn’t make the bills on my own. I just couldn’t get it together. Tommy, too...but then, in November 2022, things took a turn for the better because my mother finally married Keith.”

Dr. Burkman beams as if she knows Mrs. Diaz personally. “Oh, that’s great!”

“Yeah! Keith’s amazing and it was so nice to have a man living under the same roof with us again. A little awkward, but...great. Tom’s mom kicked him out, so he moved into Cat’s old room. We were both going nowhere in life.” A deflated sigh leaves her body. “Anyway, Keith found Tommy and I on the porch one day – we were doing yoga again – and he told us that even if we don’t have a plan, we still need to have goals. They don’t have to be financial goals, but we need to work toward something. Whether it’s a dream or a feeling, we have to set our sights on it and then pursue it relentlessly. He told me we could both live there and he would help support us until my twenty-fifth birthday, but on that day, I needed to move out, regardless of what kind of job I had. He was very generous, giving us plenty of time to find something we love and pull our lives together.”

Dr. Burkman interjects again. “Did you have an idea then about what you wanted to do...or what you would enjoy?”

“I still didn’t have a clue. We were floating around with no idea of where we wanted to go, but we sat down that night after dinner and talked about it. We decided that instead of chasing a job title or a specific pay grade, we were going to chase a feeling. We did exactly what we said we’d do. We started job-hopping, trying out different things, and if we weren’t happy after six months, we left. Ilovedthat, and I was so grateful to Keith for giving us the opportunity to do that. Most parents think giving their kids a college education is the best thing they can do, but to be given time and space to explore and find out what I really loved...I can’t put a price on what he gave me and how much it meant to me. I felt liberated somehow, like I wasn’t trapped by society’s standards anymore. Look, we still didn’t make enough to pay the bills. We were both handing over our full paychecks to Keith to pay for our living expenses...but I was so happy.”

Dr. Burkman stares at Bella for a while, not understanding how she can thrive on instability like that, but that’s because our therapist doesn’t truly understand Bella. She’s a free spirit, and she doesn’t like to live the same day twice. She doesn’t put excitement on hold for a weekend or a holiday or a special occasion. No, she wants to bring excitement to each day, even if it’s in tiny doses.

Their attention turns to me. “Did things get better for you after high school?” Dr. Burkman asks.

“Senior year was one of the worst years of my life.” I don’t get into the heavy details. Instead, I focus on theotherbad stuff. “The pandemic hit us hard. Some of our franchisees had to close shop, we had to retrench a few people. It was hard on my parents. There was...a lot going on at that time, so I started working in the restaurant while I was still in school because my parents were strung out and needed help. They had to focus on my sister, and I tried to at least get us stable again. I suggested branching out to my dad, so we started doing catering for weddings, corporate events, things like that, and that extra income sort of carried us through. Once everything settled, it started booming. Because it was my idea, my dad let me head up that side of the business.”

“Do you cook?”

The unexpected question from Bella surprises me. “Initially, we were short-staffed, so I cooked a lot. I even went to culinary school because I loved it so much, but we’ve hired more people now, so I don’t cook as much anymore.”

“And do you have a signature dish like your mom has her Bolognese?”

“I make a killer Caprese chicken. You can come by sometime, and I can cook dinner for you.”

And with a quick roll of her eyes, she stops asking questions. I’m trying to test her boundaries, see exactly where they lie, and that comment crossed the line for her.

I face Dr. Burkman again and continue. “On the eleventh of October 2021, my sisterfinallycame home. It was one of the happiest days of my life. She still had violent episodes, but they were more manageable in the sense that they were spaced out. She only gets violent when something reminds her of the past, so that would only happen every few months.” I stop there, purposely choosing to focus on the good things instead of the bad like she wants me to. “Now they barely happen at all. She just blossomed. She’s still very wary around people, but she’s just...she’s come so far, and she’s worked so hard to move past what happened. I’m proud of her. Scott does some guest lecturing at UCLA, and he introduced her to some of the girls in his class. So, she’s making friends, and she’s thinking about studying next semester. She’s doing really well.”

“I’m glad to hear that she’s in a better space now,” Bella says without looking at me.

“Me too. Seeing her happy makes me happy.”

She risks another glance in my direction. “She’s lucky to have you, Dylan.”

Dr. Burkman seems to be picking up on the weird vibes floating between us. Just last week, there were arguments and verbal tongue lashings, there was palpable hate and heated tension, and there were snarky comments sprinkled with a side order of lust. But this week is different. There’s wariness and hesitant understanding, side-glances, and just a tiny bit of forgiveness. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.

Dr. Burkman allows the awkwardness to simmer before she speaks again. “Based on what you said last week, am I right in saying you also started dating Fran in 2021?”

I know this is a sore topic, so answering this question makes meveryuncomfortable. “Yep. When I got my own place, Fran and I started spending a lot of time together. She had early morning classes, and it was easier to get to campus from my place, so...she was staying over a lot. The way it all happened was just...a natural progression of our relationship. We started dating again. We were basically living together, so in April 2023, we decided to take the next step, and we...we got married.”

Dr. Burkman freezes. She says nothing as she tries to absorb that, and it takes a few stilted moments before she lifts her eyes to look at me. “Married?”

“Yeah...married.” The word cuts into me, the shame and regret of everything I’ve done hitting me all at once. “I’ve made some choices I’m not proud of, Doc,” I say when I notice she’s still gaping at me in disbelief. “I was impulsive, and I did some things I shouldn’t have done. But the fact is, I’ve made those choices, I’ve done those things...and now I have to live with the consequences.”

“I’m one of those impulsive choices he made,” Bella says. “The dirty little secret that he’s now trying to keep from Fran.”

I sneer, gritting my teeth. She can rile me up so easily. Once again, she’s baiting me, and I have to bite my tongue to avoid her sucking me into an argument.

Dr. Burkman intervenes then. “Isabella, we spoke about reframing your negative thoughts. It’s Dylan’s turn to speak, so let’s hear his side. Dylan, please continue.”

“Like I said, Fran and I decided to get married. We were excited, our parents were thrilled, but yeah...let’s just say the news didn’t go down well with everyone...”

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